Dark and Light
by minty.herb
Summary: Bella Swan is a guitar-player in Chicago. One night, after the most important gig of her life, she exits backstage to head home, and encounters the unexpected, in the form of a certain bloodthirsty but gorgeous vampire... BxE.
1. Chapter 1

**Okay guys, this is my first fanfic,**

**I hope you enjoy it!**

**Reviews would be greatly appreciated :).**

**Edward Cullen, September 20****th****, 2007. 3:58 AM.**

We were in Chicago, and Emmett and I had taken to racing across the rooftops of the skyline. Of course, Carlisle had reminded us again to protect our secrecy and our identities, so we would set out to this occupation at a time when few mortals walked the streets; at 4 in the morning.

It was one such night, and again, we were springing from one building to another. But tonight, I was behind. I was not as fast as I could be; there were troubles burdening me, a heavy weight constricting my chest.

I was pondering, as I so often did, over my soul. What had happened to my soul?  
At times likes this, at night, when I was offered no true distraction, this question often manifested itself stubbornly in my brain. I'd become afraid it would be a question I'd never rid myself of.

This life had granted me a real family, perhaps more so than the one I'd had in this very same city over a century ago. Carlisle, Esme, Alice, Jasper, Emmett… even Rosalie. They were my people, they understood me. For them, I was grateful.

But how could I be grateful for having been turned into a monster? Of course I fought it.

I fought the bloodlust, the instinct to turn me into a killer, by hunting animals. Even though, essentially, I was fighting against my nature; against my deep-rooted means to murder and thieve humans of their blood, their life.

I had just launched myself off an apartment building, and onto the roof of another, creating a large dent in the concrete, when I suddenly stopped. Emmett didn't notice, and raced ahead, as Emmett would often do, and I abruptly turned and sniffed the air.

Then, I sniffed again.

Rising up from the streets below was a freesia-like scent, intoxicating me with its presence as it danced around my senses. The thirst in my throat roared to life, and the world around me dimmed. It was the smell of the most enticing blood I'd ever encountered. I could see nothing, hear nothing, I could only smell this delicate aroma surrounding me, isolating me from the rest of the world.

It called to me, and I ached for it.

I leaped from the building and came crashing in on the street. There were no other humans around to distract me, thankfully. I would've ended their lives, too. I knew Emmett would soon realize and come after me, but I didn't care. I would have this blood.

Where was it? I had to have it!

Whatever thoughts dwelled in my mind before disappeared as I dashed from alley to alley, following my nose. All pretense of civilization was lost to me; I was a monster nearing in on my prey. I would have this blood. A human would die tonight. I didn't care.

And then, I turned into the back-alley of a bar, and a loud snarl rumbled from my chest.

The weak human girl looked up at me in shock, her deer-like brown eyes wide, as I blocked the exit of the alleyway.

I had found her.

**Bella Swan, September 19****th****, 2007. 9:00 AM.**

Beep… beep… beep… beep…

I rolled over in my bed and lifted my arm to give my alarm clock a huge SMACK.

I groggily raised my head, and then let it fall back on the pillow; I wanted sleep.

And then, realization dawned on me.

TODAY WAS THE DAY!  
I sat up, throwing my sheets back, and pounced out of bed.

I'd just started jumping up and down in exci…. THUD.

"Ugh… Nice going, Bella…" I groaned as I looked behind me; my sheets had managed to coil themselves around my leg, and trip me while I attempted my little Bella-dance.

Regardless, though, today was the day! Today was the gig that would get us signed to a record company!

I managed to get up, untangle, and stumble my way to the kitchen, a huge grin plastered on my face, smelling the coffee that my roommate Tom had made. And there he stood, by the stove, flipping pancakes in nothing but boxers.

I rolled my eyes and chuckled, "Tom, put some frickin' clothes on."

Despite his amazing bass playing and cooking skills, Tom had this habit of never wearing enough clothes, comparable to Flea of the Red Hot Chili Peppers. He rolled his eyes back at me, but he too was smiling, "Bella, honey, you can say what_ever_ you want today and I ain't gonna do nothing. You know what day it is!" He let out a girly scream and jumped up and down, clapping his hands.

…Oh yeah, I forgot to mention. Tom's gay.

I shook my head, laughing, until my laugh was muffled by a huge bear hug, "Tom… can't… breathe…!"

He laughed and dropped me, excitement alight on his face. I gave him another smile as I got my coffee. Even though, despite the excitement, I was slightly worried… I'm not one for stages; what if I screwed up my solos? Tom sent me a knowing smile, "Don't WORRY baby, you'll do just _fine_!"

He flipped a stack of pancakes onto a plate and handed it to me.

"Thanks. And yeah, I think I'll do just fine, too. Until I trip over the cord, break the guitar strap, drop my guitar, and manage to destroy the amp all in one go."

"Y'know, you should really give yourself more credit than that. No-one can shred on a guitar like you can! Oh, by the way, what was that huge thud I heard coming from your room just a second ago?"

"Psh… shut up Tom." I gave him a scathing look as I jabbed my fork at him.

Half an hour and a few minor stumbles later, I managed to get out the door, off to work.

I mean, I know working at an anarchist bookstore SOUNDS fun, but even anarchists can organize; it's all a question of doing A LOT of inventory. I did inventory at said bookstore. I got in at around 10, and headed to the back, where Jeanine was already sitting, partially obscured from my view by huge piles of books that'd just come in.

Jeanine was beautiful, with her dreadlocks and bright blue eyes. And always happy about one thing or another, too. She smiled at me as I walked in and greeting her, barely avoiding tripping over a stray book.

"Hey, Jeanine. What's up?" I tried to play it casual, but she could see the anxiousness on my facial features. I'm not much of an actress.

"Bella, DON'T WORRY! You'll do amazing! Your solos are awesome, and you won't trip!" She rolled her eyes at me.

I grinned sheepishly, "I don't know, I'm just freaking out a bit, I guess."  
"Well, what time do you want me to be there?"  
"It starts at 11, but Andy hasn't told us what songs we're playing and how long it's gonna take."  
She shook her head, "Men. Never know what they want." I shot her a brief grin before picking up my clipboard and getting to work. We spent the rest of the day recording titles, chatting about the gig as I tried to hide how nervous I truly was.

I couldn't quite afford to mess this one up.

**Okay, so... Tell me what you think!**

**Thanks for reading!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for everything, dudes!  
I'm having some trouble with the whole length of each chapter and I'm horribly insecure about my writing, but I've got an idea of this planted firmly in my head, and I shall not rest until it's all out there!**

**A sample of the music I imagine Bella writing: Mirror of Imagination by Black Box Revelation. It's a bit rough I suppose, but the guitar is nicely done. Yes.**

**Cheerio, people!**

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_**Bella Swan, September 19****th****, 2007. 4:48 PM.**_

It was nearing the end of the day, and as I sat, chewing nervously at my bottom lip, recording book titles on my clipboard, my mind wandered farther and farther away. I missed my mother, Renee. And Charlie, my father. If only they could see me today. It pained me to be away from them, but Chicago was an opportunity for me; a chance to do what I loved.

Charlie and Renee had pooled together to get me my guitar for my 18th birthday. I was unsuspecting, so when they brought out the sleek black case, my jaw damn near dropped to the ground with surprise. It'd been an amazing birthday; Renee had flown up from Jacksonville to be with me, which was enough of a surprise already. I remember that, although it was still slightly awkward between them, it pleased me so to see Charlie and Renee together. I knew they'd work it out, somehow.

I chuckled to myself as my brain clouded over, and I was transported back to that day, which so concretely seemed to decide my fate for me.

_I'd woken up that morning with a slight feeling of dread; I had no desire to get much older just yet. So, I decided to treat this day like any other. After showering and dressing, I made my way downstairs, intending to make breakfast for Charlie like any other day._

_I stopped when, in the hallway, I saw two suitcases. "What on Earth…?" I'd muttered to myself as I headed towards the kitchen, only to find Renee and Charlie sitting together over two mugs of coffee. They were talking and smiling and laughing, like old friends, and after my initial surprise wore off, my heart warmed to see them getting along so well._

_Renee looked up as I entered the room, and then jumped from her chair, almost upsetting her cup of coffee, as she pulled me into a bone-crushing hug._

_"BELLA! Honey! Happy Birthday! Oh my god I've missed you SO so much!"  
"Mom? What are you doing here?"  
"Bella come on, it's your birthday!"_

_Charlie sat in his chair, a slightly uncomfortable look on his face: he was about as easy-going around this type of affection as I was, but for some reason, his face seemed to have a sly look to it, a sense of excitement, and I wondered what he was thinking of._

_Renee finally released me, and chatter filled the room: she was obsessing and I was protesting._

_"Mom, seriously, you didn't have to come! What about Phil? Doesn't he need you with him?"  
She rolled her eyes and seemingly brushed the comment off, "Bella! Today is only about YOU! You only turn 18 once, you know."_

_With this, she caught Charlie's eye and he grinned._

_"Speaking of which, Bells. We kinda... got you something. Because of your birthday, like. A present, so to speak."  
I raised my eyebrows, "What? You spent money on me? Come on, you guys. You know that wasn't necessary!"_

_Ignoring my complaints, Renee disappeared out the backdoor and returned a second later with the beautiful black guitar-case. My eyes were wide with surprise as she opened up the case and revealed to me the most beautiful instrument I had ever seen._

_The Gibson Lespaul Classic. _**(Pic in profile)**

I sat there for a while, thinking about my guitar. It'd been two years since I'd first attempted to pluck along to the melody of Claire De Lune, and since then, I'd managed to coax sounds out of my guitar that I didn't even think possible—something I considered an amazing feat, coming from myself.

Though I'd remained slightly frustrated at my parents for spending so much money on me, money that could be spent on useful things, I was grateful to be granted this gift. Music had become such a prominent aspect of my life; I had come to live and breathe only music. It offered me solace when nothing else could, and at night, when I would look at the stars and feel so horribly alone, music would comfort me.

Tonight was my chance to delve even deeper in this magical world I'd discovered, the myriad fairytales of sound and song, wherein I could express myself so freely and thoroughly. I truly couldn't bear the idea of ruining it for myself, or for the others. It was their dream as much as it was mine.

I was snapped out of my reverie as Jeanine waved her hand in front of me face,

"Bella, honey. You okay?"  
I smiled at her, "You know… just… worrying, I guess."

She returned my smile and her next words were…well, just really nice.

"Bella. You love playing the guitar. Your band loves you. The record company loves your band. Tonight, people will bow down to you and you'll be the goddess of rock and roll. I promise on my DREADLOCKS, babe."** (AN: Can you TOTALLY imagine Bella in like a GuitarHero pose, shredding on a Flying V? LOL!)**

I looked up at her and attempted a grin, "Yeah… I suppose I shouldn't be so worried."  
"Damn straight! Now let's go get some food and let's get you ready for the night of your life."

We both got up and cleared away all of the books, heading out to the front. Niklas, the owner of the place, sat behind the counter, his huge Doc Marten-covered feet resting over the top of the counter; he seemed quite deeply immersed (again) in Chairman Mao's Little Red Book. I shared a look with Jeanine and we quietly giggled as we said our goodbyes and headed out; Niklas was so absorbed in his communist propaganda.

We ended up sitting in McDonald's, once more babbling about tonight. Time ticked by ever so slowly and then flashed by in a zoom all at once as the concert neared. I had trouble eating, scared that anything I forced down would simply manage its way back up again. Andy'd just called and told me the set list; we'd be playing five songs. Five chances to grasp our dream. I bounced up and down in my seat as I kept glancing at the clock. Jeanine was silent by now; she knew that, no matter how much reassurances she'd send my way, nothing could calm me now.

By 9 PM, I was in my apartment, hiding out in my room. I'd said goodbye to Jeanine earlier, and she promised she'd be there early to help still my nerves. Tom was singing to himself as he searched the entire place for his bass-strap; he's not one for remembering where he puts things. I simply sat on my bed, holding my guitar. My baby. It wouldn't let me down tonight, I could feel it.

For the first time that evening, I could feel the power surge from this beautiful creation and into me. Today was the day. I sat still like that for almost an hour, blocking out the outside world and shivering slightly; this was it. I would do this. Yes. My guitar felt familiar in my hands and I repeated to myself the chords and the frets and beats of each song. As I packed up my guitar, letting it disappear back into it's case to prepare for the night ahead of us, I couldn't help but smiling: we were so close to achieving something together.

Ten minutes later, I stepped out of my room, dressed and ready to go. I wasn't big on make-up, but the event seemed to call for a tiny bit of mascara. For the rest, I was in skinny jeans and a band shirt; Pink Floyd, for tonight. I liked to keep it simple.

Tom was still looking for his bass-strap, but his hands were in his hair as he opened cupboard and cleared shelves; "Where is it?! Bella! Help me! Ohmygod ohmygod!"

I laughed and felt slightly elated; in comparison to Tom, I was the calm one now.

I looked around once before pulling a pillow off the couch, and there it was.

"Tom! You manage to turn the entire apartment over searching for this thing, and then the first place I look, I find it!"

"Ohmygod thank you so much Bella honey, you're a savior!" He grabbed it and headed to his room

I leaned my guitar-case against the wall as I sprawled out on the couch,

"Come on let's go! It's almost time!"  
I couldn't help but grinning as Tom appeared minutes later, dragging his bass with him. Again, he couldn't help but show up shirtless.

I chuckled and shook my head as we made our way out the building; I'd passed all stages of nervousness now.

It was almost time.

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**What thinketh ye, oh humble readers?  
Drop a review if you have the time, I'd love some constructive criticism!  
Cheerio,**

**-Mint.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hi guys.** **Thank you ALL of you for your reviews and for taking the time to read my little story!**

**To answer the question, Bella is 20 in this one and Edward is 17/105 or something like that. Whatever his vampire age is in Twilight.**

**Here are the five songs I see Bella playing during the gig (just pretend she wrote them with her band):**

**White Unicorn by Wolfmother, Lay Down by Priestess, Mirror of Imagination by Black Box Revelation, Too Much Too Young Too Fast by Airbourne, and then...for some old-school love, All Day and All of The Night by The Kinks. I know they're sort of manly... But Bella can only surprise, eh.**

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**Bella Swan, September 19th, 2007. 10:41 PM.**

As we walked down a dark alley to get to the backstage of the venue, a little place called StarLive, I couldn't stop my hands from shaking; time was nearing in on us. It was a miracle I hadn't dropped my guitar yet.

Tom shot me an elated look and I gave him an ear-to-ear grin in return. We walked through the door to see Andy, our singer, with Kyle, my faithful rythm guitarist, and the drummer, Ben, deep in conversation with a really tall man wearing a fedora. The instant I saw the fellow, I knew he was with the record label.

_Don't trip Bella don't trip Bella don't trip Bella... _I repeated to myself as I --oh so carefully-- followed Tom to greet the rest of the band.

"Bella. You won't trip!" Tom turned and looked at me.

What? Had I said that out loud? Or was I really that predictable?

The band greeted us as we approached, and when I gave Andy a hug, he whispered in my ear "You'll do awesome and you know it." He followed up with a reassuring smile, and I was grateful for having him around; he had such a calming effect on me.  
Then, Andy introduced Tom and I to Ian. I grinned like a madwoman as I shook his hand. But swiftly my expression changed to surprise, that, when he shook Tom's hand, Ian gave him a rather... lusty once-over, taking particularly long to trace over every inch of Tom's abs with his eyes. Need I remind you all that Tom stood there shirtless?

Tom's eyes widened with recognition as Andy and I caught each others eye;  
Andy sniggered and it looked like he meant to say something along the lines of _"Oh god."_  
I giggled, and Ian turned back to the rest of us with a mischievous expression on his face before telling us he'd be watching from the crowd,  
and that we would talk after the show. With one last appreciative look at Tom, he turned on his heel and headed out towards the front.  
I noticed Tom's eyes following Ian's rear out the door and rolled my eyes. Typical.

Technically, our band was one third of the setlist; the last of three bands to play. I watched the first band; a hair-metal outfit who all dressed the part, in glittery spandex (Tom enjoyed it), and I tried to enjoy it but while Andy and the others attempted to hold their laughter in, my nerves were eating away at me. There was no way I could survive this.  
So I took to holding my guitar again. I sat there on a couch, backstage, with the guitar in my lap, and I waited. My stomach wasn't feeling all that great.

It seemed to last an eternity. The first band had already been ushered off stage; the Gene Simmons tongue-waggling thing didn't seem to work with the crowd, apparently. And so the second band, Karma Disorder, trudged out into the lion's den. A quavering note suspended out over the audience as the guitarist strummed his first chord, and they started playing. These guys were good. Too good. We couldn't beat that. Ian was out there, listening to them, and we'd have to come out and compete with that to convince him we were worthy of his time.

This wasn't going too well.

Kyle came to sit by me. He was excited, I could tell. But when he saw my face, his expression altered, "Bella, are you okay? You look...green." I looked at him helplessly and opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out. Crap.

Again, this wasn't going too well.

Then came the moment. Karma Disorder came off stage, all smiling and whooping and giving each other hugs of joy. I gave them a feeble "congratulations," picking up my guitar and going off with Kyle to find the rest of our band.

"How you doin', Bella?" Andy asked as I approached.  
"...ehh..." Was my only reply.

We gathered in a group-hug before we went on, where Andy so kindly reminded us that this was our one and only chance. Like I would ever forget that.

I could feel my heart beating hard in my chest as I made my way on-stage with the LesPaul, begging my feet not to trip over any stray cords. I plugged in my guitar and fiddled with the knobs on the amp, trying my hardest to ignore the crowd that filled the room, their eyes intent on the stage. I wondered if I was still green, but I didn't have much time to worry anymore.

Ian was standing in the back, and I saw Tom grin at him. I myself was in no condition to do the same. I felt much too nauseous as I heaved my guitarstrap over my head and pulled my pick out of my jeans-pocket, praying to the Gods of Fate and Music to grant me some mercy. I was still staring at my feet when Andy greeted the crowd, riling them up. I could see Jeanine jumping up and down close to the front and she waved at me. It took all I could to bravely attempt somewhat of a smile in return.

"Ladies and Gentlemen! We are The Origins of Symmetry!" **(AN: Yes, I know it's a Muse album. I just wanted to pay some hommage to Stephenie's love for Muse, cuz I love them too and I've seen them live!) **The crowd screamed and jumped and I knew it was my cue. For some reason Andy'd decided we start with Mirror of Imagination, and the intro was all me and Ben. He whacked his drumsticks together three times to set up our beat and before I knew it, my fingers flew down the fretboard.

This was it. I was actually playing. I hadn't tripped yet, I hadn't fallen. The Gods were smiling down upon me. All of my anxiety vanished as my soul poured into my guitar and the notes exploded out of the amp and into the audience, like an energy of sorts. They all went wild, jumping with their hands in the air, smiling up at us. For once, we were the lords of all creation. For once, we effortlessly moved through the very music we had poured our own sweat and blood into to create, and a general vibe of awe swept over every being in the room. We connected to the crowd and they connected to us and as I looked over at Andy, jumping around, singing out his heart and soul into his mike, I knew we had something good going.

Ian was still standing in the back, but the look on his face was something I knew I'd never forget. He looked elated. No, he looked ecstatic! Words couldn't describe how relieved I felt to know that all this apprehension and stress had paid off in the end. My face broke unto a smile.

This was actually going quite well.

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**Here you go :)**

**Thanks so much everyone for actually reading this!  
Once more, us writers (or in my case, wannabe writers) strive on reviews and advice, so drop one off if you can!**

**-Mint.**


	4. Chapter 4

When we got off stage, smiles on our faces, I finally tripped; stumbling over nothing more than my own two feet

**Disclaimer: **_Didn't do it._

**Hello my lovely little darlings!  
Special thanks to anyone who reviewed, favorited, and then of course a huge hug to everyone who bothered to read this little obsession of mine!**

**Your reviews and all of it, they're like crack! I swear, I've been sitting at my PC for hours on end refreshing my stats page, guzzling diet coke till the wee hours of the morning.**

**I'm all pale and I need sleep and I bet if you replaced my can of diet coke with a huge dead DEER, I'd **_**totally **_**pass for a vampire!**

**A little music... Labyrinth by the Cure... I suppose it's a bit melancholic so it COULD work with this chapter, but really it was just my "song on repeat" during the writing process. Oh, and, Riders on The Storm by the Doors. :D**

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**Bella Swan, September 20****th**** 2007. 4:00 AM.**

When we got off stage, smiles on our faces, I finally tripped; stumbling over nothing more than my own two feet. I was wondering where all my bad luck had gone! The past hour seemed like it'd been too good to be true. This time, though, instead of getting up, I just remained lying on the ground, flat on my back, grinning up at the world.

Tom stood over me, sharing the manic grin glued to my face, but was soon distracted by Ian, who was making his way over. At this, I got up, almost threatening to fall over again, but I made it. And now came the moment of truth.

Ian had come sprinting to the backstage area and we all turned to him in anticipation…

"Okay, we need you at the office to sign tomorrow. That was freaking amazing," were the first words out of Ian's mouth. He was panting slightly and his entire face was lit up as he spoke.

We erupted into hysteria, screaming and jumping into each other's arms. Only Tom stood apart, a suggestive look on his face as he stared at Ian. Within seconds the two of them whisked off through a nearby door, and the rest of us broke out into a fresh round of laughter, celebrating the good news.

Some time around 4 AM, I decided to head out and get some fresh air; the cigarette and beer smell was starting to get to me. We'd been celebrating with the owner of StarLive and the other bands, discussing the certain pros and cons of strapping into glittering silver spandex for gigs, but soon enough, a new bout of worry had reared its ugly head back around and waltzed right back into my brain.

I shivered as I stood outside; it was a bit too cold for my liking. I took a seat on the step at the door, and propped my guitar up against the wall. The cold wouldn't have bothered me a few hours ago, but I was coming down from my stage-high. Our future was ahead of us, and we'd overcome our first obstacle, but I shuddered to think of those that were yet to come.

Of course, I was ecstatic that we'd made it this far and I hoped we would make it farther… but what if I screwed this up for us? I'd landed into so much trouble with only the help of my own two feet. If I managed to ruin everyone else's and my own dreams simultaneously…it was so hard to realize the possibilities of what could happen to any of us from now on.

…And what if the band split up? Instantly I whacked myself over the head for doubting my band. Of course I trusted them. All of them. I just hoped all this good fortune wasn't going to come back and haunt us one day. I stood up to head back inside, away from my unnecessary rambling, when something caught the corner of my eye.

What the…? I hadn't heard anyone approach, but when I looked up, I saw a man standing not 20 feet away from me. No, he didn't even seem to be a man just yet. He couldn't be more than my age, at the most. That fact didn't make me feel more comfortable, though, about encountering a stranger in an alley at this time of night, because when I looked up to his devastatingly beautiful face, contorted into an expression I'd never seen before, I could feel my heart hammering against my chest with… _dread_.

Time stopped there for me as I tried to decipher what I read on his face. His every feature was marvelous. Impeccably straight nose, lusciously full lips, a strong and very perfect jaw line, all in gorgeous contrast with his pale white skin. But when I looked into his eyes, seemingly pitch-black pools of fiery liquid, I tried to take a step backwards. I was incapable of moving, of taking even the tiny step. What I saw there, on his face, struck a chord in me—it was almost agonizing to watch.

At first, I thought he looked rather angry and… dangerous. Ready to attack… to kill. I willed myself to move, to shelter myself from that vicious look in his eye, but I couldn't move. I stood paralyzed. But then, as I stared some more, unable to properly comprehend much just yet, I saw something else.

Was it…?

It looked as if he was… in _pain._ As if he were fighting so hard, in battle with himself, and that the effort was destroying him.

For this, I wanted to help him. Such a glorious face didn't deserve to feel what he seemed to be feeling, I decided. I thought that maybe, if I could calm him down, I could somehow… help him.

Even more astounding was the aspect of his glare that I recognized as… hunger? What?

More than anything, I was confused and scared. Hate seemed to radiate from his ebony eyes and from his stance, blocking out the exit…

_Bella. Bella, maybe, just MAYBE, you should run. Stop standing here…and turn around… and GET INSIDE! _This voice in my head was screaming at me, warning me of the obvious danger I was in, but I was still caught in my paralysis. I hoped more than anything that it was temporary as I tried and tried to turn around and escape from this situation I found myself in. I didn't know what this… creature could do to me. To call him human seemed…wrong, for the look in his eyes was simply inhumane.

The last thing I could properly focus on was his face as he swooped towards me with unnatural speed and threw me back against the wall. I crumbled beneath his steel grasp and then registered a sort of ripping pain in my neck.

Was he…biting me? I tried to move, tried to resist, but I could only hang there, suspended between his cold iron hold on me, and the wall, pulled into a daze that I was unable to will myself out of. What was he? Why was he hurting me? What had I ever done to deserve this?! I felt as if I were drowning and suffocating and choking, all at once. Was this death? Was I dying? I begged God, Allah, Zeus, any form of a higher power, any otherworldly divine force, to watch over my friends when I was gone, to take care of Charlie… and Renee… Tears welled up in my eyes when I knew I'd be leaving them behind.

And then I heard a gargantuan roar shatter through my reverie, followed by an earth-quaking CRACK, and the sound of bricks crumbling. I fell to the ground; someone had pulled this… thing off of me. I was no longer being attacked. I wasn't going to die.

"EDWARD! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!" I heard a deep voice yell out as he picked up my attacker as if he weighed nothing, and threw him against a wall.

…His name was Edward? Why on Earth would anyone grant such a foul thing such a handsome name?

Though still dazed and utterly petrified, I couldn't help but notice something warm and wet trickling down my neck. Slowly, I brought my fingers to my throat, and pulled them back, staring at them in horror. They were covered in blood. My blood.

Before I could resume to feel angry, or scared, or whatever it was I was feeling before I saw my own blood, before I could see what was actually happening to me, I felt nauseous. The rust-and-salt smell of the stuff penetrated my nostrils, making me dizzy. What was going on? Why was this happening to me?

I looked up and around, and there I saw him. The monster. Edward. The vile creature that had done this to me, pinned up against the wall by someone else. I looked up at my saviour in awe; he was massive. Muscles bulged from his back and arms and he seemed to be whispering to my attacker. I simply couldn't understand what was happening.

That was when I noticed what felt like a fire growing from my neck, reaching its sickly fingers out to the rest of my body; as if someone was holding a lighter directly up to my skin, broiling away at my veins. I screamed bloody murder and, at that very instant, both Edward and the man who was holding him up stopped struggling. Edward slid to the ground and his entire figure crumpled.

"Look what you've done." My saviour looked at Edward in accusation, his voiced a hushed whisper. I was in pain, in utter and complete agony, but when I looked into this Edward's face, I saw, again, something I most certainly hadn't expected: he looked as if he was…mourning. It all made so little sense! His eyes were distorted in what seemed like true remorse, caught up in sorrow. But hey were pitch-black, and they still contained the ferocity that had attacked me, and for this I was still scared, despite the presence of my rescuer. Oddly enough, neither of them seemed to breathing. _How was any of this possible? How could they move with such speed? Was it possible for __**anyone's **__ eyes to be so endlessly __**black?**_I briefly remembered how, only moments ago, I'd been caught up against the wall, and how Edward's hand was so hard… and _cold. _

How was it all possible?

"I'm sorry," he then whispered, barely loud enough for me to hear it. Before I could notice what had happened, he'd disappeared, and I felt a faint gust of air pass before my face. Then the pain ripped through me again, and another scream escaped from my lips. This was when my savior turned to me, the one who's name I did not yet know, and I saw that his eyes, the same deep black onyx, also had an equally sad quality to them.

I was too terrified to protest as he picked me up and swung me over his shoulder like a rag doll. He looked around the alley before taking my guitar with him, and for this I was grateful. At least I would still have that, wherever we were going. And then off he was. I couldn't see much, my view so obscured by his back and the night sky and the pain that seemed to be spreading to my every limb. If I _had_ seen everything that was happening, I knew I wouldn't comprehend it. This was all too surreal, too strange. And concentrating on anything but this horrible fire that seemed to be saturating my body seemed far too impossible.

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**It's a little longer than my other ones, but I must admit I had a lot of trouble writing it…**

**Sorry if it's not up to standard**

**Either way, though, reviews are (as always) definitely appreciated…**

**Thank you so much!**

**-Mint.**


	5. Chapter 5

**You have no idea how much I love all of you guys.**

**Thank you all so much!!**

**Okay so the "angry punk band" is actually Bauhaus, even though they're not so much a punk band as a gloomy goth band, but the song is Double Dare, which IS an angry raw artpunk-ish song.**

**But what I've been listening to, to get this thing done with, is Pin by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, and Paper Tiger by Spoon.**

**Yep.**

**Enjoy!**

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**Edward Cullen, September 20****th****, 2007. 11:03 PM.**

I'd locked myself in my room, and an angry punk band screeched out of my speakers, drowning out the thoughts of the others. It took all of my strength for me not to run far away, to escape to the edges of Earth, away from the confrontation of what I'd done. I was a deplorable creature, a wretched excuse of a…monster. Truly, a monster. I felt only bitter guilt as I remembered the gratification I felt when I'd sated my endless thirst.

I'd approached the house half an hour after Emmett had brought her home, and the entire family was in a state of shock. Alice hadn't seen until I'd bitten the girl, and by then, of course, it was too late. Because I hadn't _decided_ to go out and find the most appetizing blood I'd ever witnessed to feed off of! What good was a gift if it was so unreliable?!

The sun was beginning to peek out from behind the dark clouds as I'd waited outside, listening to the screams drifting from in the basement, and the confusion… and the accusation. None of them deliberately thought of it, but I knew.

_Isabella Marie Swan._ Carlisle's thoughts flashed before me as I could hear him rummaging around in her guitar case that, for some reason, Emmett had thought to bring with him.

I saw the images in Emmett's head as he retold the story to them all. I saw her sweet face twist into an expression I couldn't stand to look at for one second. I hated Emmett. He'd let me destroy the soul of this human, this beautiful girl with a life yet to live. He pulled me off of her. But then, would it have been so much better if he'd let me drink of her? She would die, of course, but was that so much better than immortality? Yes. Yes it was. In essence, either one would end her "life". But only one would claim her soul. I knew Emmett couldn't have lived with it. He wouldn't have been able to face the guilt of letting his own brother completely end a life before his very own eyes, and do nothing to stop it. Carlisle had taught him better than that.

Their eyes all turned to me as I walked in silently through the front door. I felt an unexpected wave of calm rush over me and I growled, "Jasper."

The calm retreated from me, replaced by disgust, fear, desolation, anger…and I willed myself to look up into the eyes of Jasper, Alice, Esme, and… Carlisle.

_Edward. You will always be my son. It was wretched, yes. But mostly, it is forgivable. She is being given a new life. There is hope._

At this I growled and threw my hands up in to the air, "Oh, yes, and what a lovely new life it shall be! Darkness and blood and death! A sentence straight to HELL!"

"Edward_._ You're in no situation to be so imperious. You ARE my son, and so is Emmett, and he saved you both. You know it very well." There was slight blame in his tone, as much as there could be for one so compassionate as Carlisle, but there was also absolution, and… love. Despite my invariable mistakes, Carlisle still loved me. I would always be his son. Though I felt I'd done nothing to deserve it, I was still indebted to him that it would always remain so.

At this, fresh pain shook through my voice, "I don't deserve you. Any of you. I'm disgusting. I saw through Emmett's eyes what it looked like. I'm a monster."

_I didn't see, Edward. I'm so sorry._ Alice.

"Alice, it's not your _fault_." I replied, frustrated and pinching the bridge of my nose with my hand. "Where is she?"

An uncomfortable look crossed Carlisle's face, "She's…downstairs. Emmett and Rosalie are with her. They're trying to explain to her… what will happen. I think you'd best speak with Emmett; he'd like to know how you are. We weren't sure when you'd come back."

I walked past them all, my eyes trained on the ground, my mind deliberately blocking whatever they were thinking, as I trudged downstairs, and instantly held my breath; her smell still remained.

_How could he do this? Does he have no control at all? _Rosalie was spiteful, which was as much as I'd expected. I didn't hate her; on the contrary, she was still very much my sister. But she was the least tolerant of me, I knew.

Emmett was still plagued with the sight of me attacking the girl, Isabella. A beautiful name for a beautiful life that I'd destroyed. I furrowed my eyebrows as I made a miserable attempt to block out the scene that Emmett kept replaying in his head, and stepped through the door to the left of the stairs.

The room were we kept our computer files. Aside from the desk, there was only a large couch. This was were she sat… or more, were she squirmed and shrieked in pain. I winced at the look on agony on her face and turned to Rosalie and Emmett, both sitting as far away from her as possible, eyes black as night, both looking extremely uncomfortable.

"Edward!" Emmett stood up when I entered, and I could see flashes of guilt, resentment, and sorrow present themselves in the pools of his eyes.

_Edward, I'm so sorry. I didn't notice you'd gone… I could've prevented this._

Frustration built up in me, "This is no one's fault but _mine_! Stop blaming yourself for _God's_ sake! Now how is she? Does she know what I've condemned her to?!"

A flicker of remorse shot across his face as he replied, "We've tried…telling her. I don't know if she understands what we're saying right now… Are you hearing anything?"

I tried to separate the sound of her screaming with the sound of her thoughts, but I couldn't distinguish. In fact, searching for her "voice" in my head was proving not to work. What? Was this possible?"

"What is it?" Emmett asked as confusion washed over me.

"…I can't… hear her."

"What do you mean you can't hear her? Does she not think?"

"I mean I can't hear her! And it's not because she's screaming so loud...it's as if she, indeed…has no thoughts... Which is not possible."

I concentrated on her crumpled form, vexed, confused, and frustrated, and then she looked up at me with tortured eyes and instantly, her screams ceased, and stared at me with an expression I couldn't situate. All I saw was her pain, and that she blamed me. Of course she did. It was my fault.

"Why did you do this to me?" She whispered, her voice filled with pain, agony, terror… And then she doubled over in another gut-wrenching scream. At this I fled to my room, and I'd been here ever since, hiding.

I knew something as trivial as a lock on my door wouldn't keep my family out if they so were inclined, but they kept away. I couldn't bear to look into their eyes, or their minds, at this moment. I blocked all things out with the help of the music, but it did nothing to soothe me at all. I didn't deserve to be "soothed." As the rest of the world was covered in a veil of sleep, I lay alone on my bed, eyes closed, wandering deep into my own personal garden of dark thoughts.

When Emmett threw me off of that… that girl, Isabella, I swiftly escaped the confines of the city, and from the ever-haunting fragrance of her blood. I'd disappeared into the woods, and there I screamed out my frustration, my pain… and waited in absolute gloom, mustering up the courage to face my family. I still tasted it in my mouth, the spectacular taste of it clinging to my lips, but it didn't feel so extremely gratifying anymore; it'd cost a life. She was shifting over into darkness at this very moment. Her life was being sucked out of her; her soul replaced by stone… all of it, entirely my fault. What had I done? Some of her scent had penetrated my room, as it had the entire house, but I couldn't bear to inhale it. So I held my breath.

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**Yeah… I had trouble writing this one, too.**

**But there you have it!  
Reviews are like sex.**

**Cheerioo**

**-Mint.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Lovely little darlings of mine. Each and every one of you deserves a big and beautiful sunflower for reading this!**

**Music of choice: John Butler Trio, and the Beautiful Girls. **

**Cheerio!!**

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**Bella Swan, September 20****th****, 2007. 5:17 AM.**

I was floating to-and-fro between consciousness and complete blackness. I still didn't know the name of the man who'd rescued me, and though I felt as if I was being bathed in fire, I felt I needed to know his name. He'd carried me to the very outskirts of the city; through a forest I didn't know existed, and then into a house I couldn't properly see.

There, he set me down, and my screams echoed off the walls. The house set me to doubt. Was he really my saviour? Why, if he was, did I still feel like I was burning on a spit? Had he brought me here to launch me through more of this horrendous pain that shocked through my body every time I moved? A twang of suspicion rang through me; perhaps he and this Edward, the _thing_ that'd attacked me not an hour earlier, had some malicious plan to do this to me… But why?! I couldn't comprehend why this was happening to _me_!

And what had happened at the bar? I wondered if they'd noticed I'd gone, if they'd send someone to look for me. I hoped Tom was all right, and that none of them were accosted as I'd been… What would happen now? Would I wake up and find that this was all a dream and I'd not played yet? I hoped with all my heart and soul that it was so, because I knew at this point that there was no turning back to my old life. Something inexplicable about my existence from this point on had changed, and I could feel it very well.

I then drifted back into a state of unconsciousness, knocked out cold by the force of the pain that had me writhing and shrieking. When I came to, I was in a small dark room. Images flashed through my aching head; was my brain being used as a torch? I saw a blond man, handsome and breathtaking, a look of utter concentration fixed in his deep golden eyes. And there was a small, pixie-like girl, standing next to him, her eyes also trained on me. I was too confused to understand the meaning of any of this. I screamed. And then, for a minute, I remember a wave of slight calm wash over me.

I glided away then, back into the sinister darkness, hearing only voices, "What are we going to do?"…. "Where is Edward? Does he know what is happening?"… A flicker of recognition flew across the black; I knew that name. Edward. It ripped through me almost as much as the pain did; I hadn't been saved. This was all part of their wretched plan. Why?!

Time had no meaning to me, and when, once more, I revived out of the pool of black I seemed to be swimming in, I saw a statuesque blonde woman, sitting next to a broad man with short black curly hair. He looked familiar. He'd brought me here. I instantly wondered if this woman, this beautiful blonde girl, knew about what was going on. I didn't, but maybe she did. If she did, how could she condone this? Did she know what pain seared through my veins? Did she know what caused it?

And then, _he_ walked in. Edward. That name, to me, began to have only the connotations of a killer, a despicable creature summoned from hell to obliterate my being. When he came in, I knew. They were all in on this. I was surrounded by wicked masochists, without an idea of where I was or what my future would hold. How was it even possible for them to create such pain in me? I wanted to hurt them, to make them feel the ache and the throbbing that was their doing. But I remembered how cold and hard Edward's felt, how steel his grasp had been on me, how powerless I was. I knew I could do nothing. But I wanted to show him how strong I could be, though I knew I wasn't, at all. I clamped my mouth shut and resisted to vocalize my agony. I would show them all.

They were discussing something, the details to me unidentifiable. Something about my thoughts… something I couldn't properly understand. All I wanted to know, from him, the thing that had done this to me, was why. Was there no plausible explanation for how it was that lava flowed through me, instead of blood?

"Why did you do this to me?"

What I saw on his face then, the second before he once more disappeared with inhuman speed, shocked me beyond belief. Instantly I recalled that moment in the alley, when I first saw the pain present on his features, and with it, I recalled my urge to… _help_ him. Odd as it was, strange and inexplicable, I sat there, doubled over suffering the worst pain anyone _anywhere_ had known, and meanwhile, I found myself torn between helping and hating the very man that had brought this all down upon me.

In that moment, where I had no sense of time or space or being, uncertain and lost in the most unfamiliar and uncomfortable circumstance of my existence, it amazed me that I could feel anything but confusion.

I couldn't tolerate having to deal with this surge of thought and emotion, already crippled as I was, and my mind hastened to protect itself by throwing me back into that strange pool of darkness I somehow escaped to.

I didn't resurface. Time went by in a scurry, seconds turning into minutes into hours that stretched out into centuries of waiting. What was I waiting for? I didn't know. I'd been thrust into the here and now of it all with no sense of what would come afterwards, what would happen to me if, or when, this throbbing ever ceased.

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**Bella Swan, September 23d, 2007. 6:38 AM.**

Slowly, the pain had retreated from my limbs, centered now only around my heart, where it became a tiny pinpoint of stinging.

I had no idea how much time'd passed, and I remembered almost nothing of what had happened to me. In a sense, I was simply a human being lost in a point in time and a point in space. Slowly, though, some slight memory of that night in the alley revived itself in my brain and I sat up, alert. I felt… different. Changed. And _parched_! My throat felt dry, as if it were caked with dust, and when I swallowed I could feel it rise and then settle again. I needed something to drink.

The throbbing was now gone completely, and for some strange reason I felt I could see and hear and sense every detail of every movement and object and item in this room. I could distinguish air molecules as they parted ways in front of me; every fiber of my clothing was magnified on my skin. I could feel dried tears on my face, which, when I lifted my fingertips to it, felt strangely… soft, but hard at the very same moment. Like marble covered in velvet. Little did I know that those wizened tear trails dissolving on my skin would be the last of my lifetime.

Six pairs of golden eyes turned to me, all riddled with… concern? What? First, I was frightened. Now I was also perplexed. And still so damn thirsty, though I had no idea why. How long had I been here? They must've not given me anything to drink. Because all of them were intent on my misery, on ruining me, I knew it. But then why those expressions on their faces?

"Isabella." One of them, one I didn't recognize, spoke, his tone anxious, but also soothing. He was tall, and blonde, and his face was serene and compassionate. I didn't trust him, or any of them, but I had to admit that his was one of the most beautiful faces I'd ever seen. In fact, _all_ of them were stunning.

He stepped towards me, and I cowered back against the sofa.

"Stay away from me!" I shrieked.

His eyes were filled with what seemed like pain, and his eyebrows furrowed as he turned to the big one. My "saviour."

"Didn't you tell her?"  
"I did! She'd stop screaming and I'd try telling her and she'd gaze at me and it looked like she understood…"  
The statuesque blonde one nodded, "we've explained it all many times."

Were they talking about me? What were they talking about? What was "it"? What were they trying to explain? Did they suddenly decide they'd _tell_ me why I was attacked in an alleyway on the most important night of my life and then taken away to the middle of nowhere to suffer the most unbearable pain I'd ever known? Anger rose in me and I stood up.

"Could someone _please_ tell me what the _hell _is going on?"

The blonde one, the kind-looking one, flinched, and I regretted my words. Despite what they had put me through, they all looked at me with apprehension and concern, and I couldn't help but wonder if they hadn't meant for all this to happen.

"Sorry." I whispered and bowed my head.

"Your name is Isabella, correct?" He spoke again. The rest stood there, anxiety radiating from them.

"Yes. Bella." I croaked. It hurt my throat to talk, it felt so dry and gravelly.  
"Bella. Do you know what you're doing here?"  
At this, a tearless sob ripped through me and the thoughts and questions broke through the barrier of my mind, "No! I don't know what's going on! Why did you do this to me? It was all going so well and then I was attacked and it hurt so much!" I felt nauseated as I recalled the fire that'd coursed through my veins. "I didn't know this type of pain existed and I saw you all and I didn't know what happened and…"

I would've continued rambling if it weren't for the odd sense of security that suddenly washed through me. I was still slightly confused when I crashed back down on the couch.

"Bella. My name is Carlisle. This is my family. There, you see, is Emmett. He brought you here… in a sense, he saved your life. And his wife, Rosalie. And Jasper, and Alice, the short one there. And my wife, Esme. Something… has happened to you, that I'm sure you will have some trouble believing. I'll do my best to explain it to you if you'll come with me to a place we can talk. "

I nodded silently, not quite knowing what to make of this, and slowly, he stood up. I followed. I was still surprised by how clear and lucid every movement of every element felt to me; from the molecules of air circulating the room to the faint freesia-smell that, for some reason, seemed to follow me. Something odd happened then, and I could feel a burn in my throat, the awakening of some instinct I couldn't recognize. I held my hand to my throat and coughed. It sounded parched, and arid.

Their eyes flickered to me with concern,

"Do you feel thirsty?" The little pixie-like one asked. I faintly remembered that her name was Alice.

I nodded again.

She shared glances with her family members, and then looked meaningfully at her husband, the blonde one with the build of a swimmer. I didn't know what that look was supposed to mean, and I still felt quite dazed, but when he stared at me, again with an expression of utter concentration that I recalled from earlier, I felt some peculiar quenching sensation in my throat and the pain was slightly relieved. _How strange_, I thought.

I followed the man, Carlisle, up a set of stairs, and the rest followed us. I kept quiet, afraid that if I bombarded them with questions, they'd set upon me that horrible burning pain again. I didn't know what these eerily beautiful people were capable of. I was in no situation to presume safety. What would happen now?

Upon reaching the top of the stairs, I looked around, and my jaw dropped in awe. The room we had reached was huge and cavernous. The windows were big and off in the distance, over the treetops, I could see the sun rising behind clouds, bathing the room in a very dim pink light.

The entire place was decorated in light colours. Very minimalistic, very soothing. It made me feel slightly better, since it looked so…civilized. Carlisle sat down on a large white couch, and gestured for me to sit by him. His wife, Esme, who had beautiful wavy brown hair and a perfectly amiable motherly face, took her place next to him and he let his arm fall around her shoulders. Even amidst such confusion I could sense what heartfelt love that they shared. This, too, made me feel slightly better.

The others took seats around us. Alice was perched on her husband as he rested in an armchair, still looking so concentrate. The one who'd rescued me, _Emmett_, I reminded myself, sat with his wife on the loveseat perpendicular to the couch I rested on.

After sharing a long look with his stunning wife, Carlisle turned to me. I was silent, waiting in anticipation. They would tell me now what was happening and I'd listen. I needed to know.

"Bella…" Carlisle began, and then hesitated… "What do you know…of vampires?"

Vampires? What? I could feel some ire rise in me; here I sat, expecting an answer and off he goes about _vampires_?

He must've noticed my aggravation because he hastily continued, "Please, Bella, listen to me. I promise what I say is the absolute truth. I warned you before that you'd have some... trouble accepting this as so, but I assure you this is how it is. Vampires… they are more than a figment of imagination, a presence in legends. You see… _we_ are vampires."

I snorted. What was this, some practical joke? But then, I considered the brute strength I'd witnessed… and after all, hadn't _he_, Edward… he'd bitten me, hadn't he? I shuddered, replaying that ripping pain at my throat as he dropped his face to my neck. He was _biting_ me. I furrowed my eyebrows and stared up at him,

"You mean… I…"

"Yes. Unfortunately, Edward couldn't contain himself, for which we are so very sorry… Emmett here pulled him off before he could… drain you completely of your blood," at this he flinched and gloom manifested itself on his glorious face, "the unbearable pain you've had to suffer for these past three days… was the process of your changing over into becoming… one of us. I'm so sorry."

Three days? Had it really only been three days? It felt like…eternity. But as I considered all of these strange events I'd been dragged through, it shocked me how…_rational_ his explanation seemed.

"Is there no other way…?" I began.

"No, I'm afraid this is your fate now. I'm sorry, Bella."  
"Do you… I mean, do you, y'know… drink…blood?"

At this his eyes flickered with something I could only make out as hope…"Uh, well, yes. We do drink blood. But not human blood. Bella, we live a life that is different than others of our kind, other vampires. We feed off of animals, you see. We do so because we do not wish to prey off of human lives. However… it is difficult, this level of restraint we experience daily. Because we are creatures designed to crave human blood and to take what we wish. Sometimes, we have no self-control, when we are particularly… tempted. This is what happened to Edward, I'm afraid. It was not his fault." Carlisle was pleading with me. I didn't know what to make of this, any of this.

"Edward…" his name fell uncertainly off my tongue. I decided it was prudent not to show my disgust at that name, at the image in my mind as I thought of him. I hated him. He'd destroyed my life, turned me into… _this_. However much Carlisle would plead with me, or any of the others, who hadn't spoken to me yet but only sat and listened and waited, I knew I would never, _ever_ forgive him for this.

He was a monster, and I vowed then and there that I would never think of him as anything else but a monster.

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**That there was long. And extremely hard to write,**

**So I hope you guys like it!**

**It's kind of hard to imagine how one would explain to a fresh baby-bat that she's now a vampire, so forgive me if it ain't up to par.**

**Thanks anyways though for making it this far with me!**

**Yaaaaay!**

**Peace and love,**

**-Mint.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hello my darlings...**

**This is increasingly becoming more and more difficult, and I feel for some reason as if the response ain't so great,**

**so it'd be nice, dears, if I could perhaps hear from you if you'd like it to continue?  
Chances are I'll keep on writing anyways, but it'd be nice to know your opinions.**

**Thank you :)**

**The soundtrack for this one will be She Wants Revenge. Darkwave Californian Joy-Divisionistas. Yes.  
**

**Cheerio :)**

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**Edward Cullen, September 22nd, 2007. 5:43 PM.**

I'd remained in my room for the past two days. Music was my haven, hiding me from the thoughts of my family and from the screams that would shatter through the carefully constructed walls of my mind every now and then. The music itself hadn't evolved. It stayed murky and black.

In much the same way, my thoughts hadn't evolved. Not really. I still blamed myself, I still felt like a contemptible and disgusting fiend, and I knew she would think of me in much the same way. What was to happen to her? Knowing Carlisle, we'd probably take her in. I'd have to learn to deal with looking into her accusing eyes, day in and day out. I knew that the least I could do was make it as easy for her as possible. She didn't deserve to suffer, although I did.

It was nearing in on the third day of her change, and I knew I'd have to do something soon. I was expecting a visit from anyone of my family members sometime before long. That was when my current CD ended **(AN: The Virgin Prunes)**, and I heard a faint knock on the door.

_I'm coming in, Edward. I've been letting this go on much too long_. Carlisle. I could've known it would be him. I couldn't let him down, I knew that much.

I heard the door close behind him and I looked up. His eyes were full of pity. I didn't want his pity. More so, I didn't deserve it.

"Edward, you cannot hide here for the rest of eternity. I won't allow it."

"I don't deserve to live. I'd ask you to destroy me-"

At that, he cut me off; "Stop it right now. You may look like you're 17 but I'm not about to condone you acting like it. You made a mistake, you've suffered the consequences and now we need you to be part of this family again."

He was right, of course. I knew it. But I'd failed him. Even the fact that he'd forgiven me for it showed that I'd done naught to deserve his astounding compassion, his endless acceptance of me.

She's downstairs. It's almost time. I don't quite know… what to tell her. About you, I mean.

I growled. "So tell her the truth. Tell her how despicable I am, how weak I am. How I robbed her of her life."

_Edward for god's sake, man. Pull yourself together. You are not the only one who's ever made this mistake and we definitely won't allow you to act like it. _

"You're right. I'm pathetic."

"Edward. You are drowning in your own self-pity. You are my son, and you will come downstairs and see that we have all forgiven you; it was not your fault. These things happen to our kind. It is inevitable."

Of course. "What will happen to her? Will she 'live' with us?"

_Yes. We cannot be responsible for putting another robber of human lives on this planet._

I was grateful that he used "we," instead of "you." He didn't blame me in the least. For this I was thankful. I didn't deserve it, but I was appreciative I had it all the same.

"It's all my fault."

"Edward, stop being ridiculous. You hadn't hunted for a time; you had no idea this would happen. Alice did not foresee, we could not have prevented this."

I knew he was only being rational… I wanted very much to believe him. But I felt that, if I allowed myself to be forgiven, I would be arrogant. They would believe me arrogant. Isabella would believe me arrogant.

"You're right. I'm sorry. You're completely right. I just hate myself impossibly much for it all."

"I do believe she's managing quite well. At times it seems she doesn't even register the pain, it's remarkable. Alice has seen her with us, hunting. She will embrace our lifestyle, all will be well. It's okay, Edward. Though…we're unsure of how she feels… in regards to you… just yet."

I snorted, "What else would she feel? I'm a monster. She of all people knows that most."

Edward, you're doing it again. Stop it. Please. We're all downstairs, waiting. I expect to see you there. They want to see you.

I rolled my eyes. I knew I was being ridiculous, but I simply didn't want to go downstairs and act as if I'd accepted their forgiveness, for I knew I never truly would. I still saw this very much as my most unforgivable fault. But I didn't want to consider what they would put me through if I didn't go down there and let them see me.

So I stood up, slowly, almost at human speed, and I changed. I was wearing what I'd worn when I'd… attacked her. There was even dried blood on the remnants of the shirt I'd had on. I let it taunt me because I thought I'd earned the torture. What a sick, masochistic being I was.

I headed out my door, down the hallway, down the stairs. They were all sitting there, quiet. Their thoughts weren't quiet.

I knew what they were going to think before they thought it. Esme loved me, she forgave me. Emmett was sorry he couldn't have done any more, but he forgave me too. Jasper understood more than anyone. But he was also happy, somehow, that for once he wasn't the weakest link. Alice was Alice as only Alice would be. Love and amnesty wrapped up in an impossibly tiny package of excitement for something she'd seen. Rosalie… she would forgive me, but she would never forgive what the girl would become because of me. She resented this life.

"Edward, dear..." Esme trailed off. I knew what I'd do then. I'd apologize to them because then they'd think I was doing well; I was 'living' through this.

They were still quiet and I remained silent as I sat down on the armchair. They were all perched together in their couple-formations. Carlisle with Esme, Rosalie on Emmett, Alice by Jasper. I sat alone, and took a deep breath.

"…I'm sorry if it's seemed that I've disappeared off the face of the planet. I… I ruined someone's life. She was innocent and had so much ahead of her that she now won't ever experience. If you can only…imagine… and please, understand…how difficult it is for me to grasp that I've robbed her of it…that would be good. "

It was Alice who spoke, fervently; "Edward you know we've forgiven you already so stop moping about like that. She's almost done changing and she'll be one of us and none of us are going to let you resent any of it."

They all agreed, of course.

_She's right, you know. _

_Dude, you can't let it eat away at you like this. You're one of us!_ But with those words, there floated the image of me accosting the innocent girl, still seared into Emmett's mind.

_Edward, we all love you. Don't ever forget that. _

"Fine," I said. "Fine. I'm going hunting."

_That went well._

"I can't handle being here when it's complete. I'm not ready for that, and I doubt she will be either. She'll be resentful and scared and angry with me and I don't want to bring any of that rage down upon you, so it's best I'm not here. Okay?"

"Edward, that's fine. Do what you need to do, we'll help her." Carlisle stood up. "Just make sure you come back."

I nodded, and turned on my heel, heading out the front door

_Be safe, Edward._

"Don't worry, Esme. I'll be careful." I said softly, over my shoulder.

As soon as I stepped outside, I broke out into a run, away from the house, away from the life that was fading away inside of it...Running would usually help me forget whatever troubles I was burdened with, and I hoped this time would be no exception.

Again raised in me the matter of souls. Now I did not only have to ponder over my own soul, but also over hers. I'd never killed an innocent, or condemned anyone to this. I'd never intended to. To believe myself condemned to hell would be to condemn her to hell, also.

Who knows what opportunities I'd erased from her future? I was the only one who seemed to worry so much about it. But then, my family weren't in accordance with me that to live this existence was to live without a soul.

My aggravation towards them was simply because I didn't believe of myself that I deserved to be so perfectly accepted by them all. Somehow I would find a way to repay them.

What would make them happy? Would it make them happy to see me happy? I'd been the only one of our family without a mate for years. It bothered them, I knew. They'd be happy if I had one. It wouldn't be so awkward, and they'd appreciate seeing me with someone. Perhaps a mate was what I needed to distract me from the dark and endless nights I often suffered through. In a sense I'd always longed for the solace they all found in each other... But I wouldn't know were to find one such person, someone to light across the endless night I seemed to live in.

I knew where I could easily find someone willing to be with me, though. Perhaps if they saw me with Tanya, they could be happy for me. They were always so slightly uncomfortable because I was the only one of us alone. Tanya could fix that.

I'd been the odd one out for too long, and moments like this proved how weak exactly I was. Because of me we'd expanded our coven yet again, and the secrecy was risked once more. We'd probably move as soon as the girl, Isabella, could resist enough. We'd go to Denali. There, I could court Tanya. It'd be subtle and I'd be a gentleman about it, but I wouldn't turn down her offer.

As for Isabella, I'd be perfectly nice to her. She deserved for this to be as easy as possible. She probably felt multitudes of sorts of hate towards me, but I'd let her know that I wouldn't ever blame her for that, and that I truly regretted my actions. She would become part of us.

My thoughts where thrown aside then when I smelt a stray moose not too many miles west. My hunting instincts were re-awakened, and once again that familiar thirst seared my throat. I was in too much of a frenzy to feel the slight shame behind hunting again, behind taking more lives, regardless of whether they were those of animals.

I hunted for hours on end, on various moose, a few bears... I'd even found a mountain lion, which was rather rare in these parts. Then I raced through the first, in a marginally better mood, running faster and faster, shaking off my worries. I knew what I needed to do.

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**You know what to do :) it ends with EVIEW and starts with an R. **

**This one was so dreadfully difficult to write.  
**

**...Yaaaay!**

**Peace and love and many thanks,**

**-Mint**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hello lovelies!**

**Sorry I haven't updated very quickly, I've been sick and addicted to Six Feet Under and internet was down.  
**

**But here it is, a session inspired by Interpol, Infected Mushroom, John Butler Trio, and Massive Attack.**

**YAY!**

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**Edward Cullen, September 23d, 2007. 8:13 AM.**

Before I could even reach the door of the house, I was struck dumb by the thoughts that surrounded the girl. Isabella.

_Jesus, that was amazing. Edward would love it._

_Bella plays so beautifully, and who would've thought anyone loves Debussy more than Edward?_

Then I could hear a strain of the music flowing through Alice's mind, and I had to stop. I saw her sitting, playing guitar, this look of incredible euphoria on her face as she fretted out the most magnificent acoustic version of Claire de Lune. All traces of pain on her face were gone, and though her eyes were still the bright red of a newborn vampire, she was beautiful. Absolutely stunning.

As I listened to it through Alice's mind, I couldn't help but notice that I heard nothing of Isabella. I could recognize her voice now, and it wasn't amongst the buzz of voices. I remembered at the beginning of her change when I'd arrived home… I couldn't pick her thoughts out then, either. How could this be?

How was it possible that I didn't hear her thoughts? Was this her gift? But then, I couldn't hear them when she was human. This was odd. How could only one human be resistant to my gift? I idly wondered if she was immune to Alice and Jasper, as well. But Alice had seen her. It must just be me. She was only unaffected by my ability. How frustrating!

I shrugged off my thoughts, determined to behave correctly, and entered. They were going hunting, apparently.

"Edward!" Alice disappeared and reappeared by my side. All excitement, that one.

_We're going hunting, Bella's coming with us. She's a genius with her guitar, it's amazing! I think you'd like her, you know. If you two can resolve…what happened._

"Alice, perhaps we can discuss this later." I said carefully. I wanted to talk with Carlisle and Esme, first.

They were sitting on the couch. Bella looked thirsty and slightly ravenous, no longer the calm and serene creature with the guitar. She needed to go hunting.

But no amount of thirst could distract her from the obvious hate that radiated from her towards me. I cringed, but ambled over to her casually, determined to make her as comfortable as possible, despite the pain that shot through me when I saw her. She would always be a constant reminder of the monster in me, I knew.

"Bella, it's nice to properly meet you… I'm Edward. I understand we have some matters to…resolve, but that can wait. For now I'd simply… like to offer my sincerest apologies towards…what I did." I ended in a rather hushed whisper, and I tried to compose myself, to control the agony that must've been present in my eyes.

She hesitated, and for a miniscule second I saw what looked like pity and pardon in her eyes, but it was soon replaced by anger. She stiffened when I held out my hand and tried to get a look at her face.

She was pale before, but now her skin was a perfect flawless white. Her eyes were still wide, though they were red. But that would change. Her hair was a soft brown, and wavy. I had to admit, despite the contortions of rage on it, her face was one of the most attractive I had ever seen. And I still couldn't hear any thoughts.

_Careful, Edward. She's still quite upset with you, _Carlisle unnecessarily warned me.

She said nothing, but took my hand, squeezing it a bit harder than I'd like. From her mind there was only absolute silence. So frustrating! Then she turned to the others, who were standing at the door, thoughts and bodies rigid with tension and anxiety.

_She's really not happy with you, Edward…_

As if I needed to be reminded.

"Shall we, then?" She said, with an attempt at bravery. She ignored me as she stalked off through the front door, the rest following after giving me their sympathizing looks. They only made it worse.

"I hope hunting doesn't shock her too much…" Carlisle muttered to Esme. She agreed.

"I'm worried we're too close to the city, Carlisle. What if there are humans?"

He nodded, frowning, "Yes, I'm worried as well. But we can only hope that they keep her safe."

_Edward, are you feeling better?_

"I suppose so. I'd like to make an apology for my selfish behavior these days. It'll be quite difficult to keep her safe these following months, there's no use in me sitting around, moping, and doing nothing. Though I'm not quite so sure she'd be happy with me trying to do anything but stay out of her way."

"Yes, she still has some trouble around you. Good of you to be so reasonable about this, Edward. Of course, you know already that all of us whole-heartedly forgive you. The shock was big for her; she was very happy with her life. She's lovely, you know. Despite some spiteful tendencies towards you, which she'll overlook in time, I'm actually glad it happened. She'll be a lovely addition to the family."

I growled, "Don't ever say that. It was horrible of me."

"Well, yes, I'm not saying it was a good thing for you to loose grasp of your self-control, but I consider us to be very lucky that it turned out well."

I couldn't argue with that. There could've been a million other humans who would've made rather unsightly vampires. Judging from the thoughts of the others, Bella seemed… well, quite amazing, really. An amazing life that I'd ruined.

"I think we should go to Denali."

At this, Carlisle was surprised. Obviously. "Denali? Well, yes, we were intending to take her there, there are fewer people. But Edward, usually you're not so eager to visit Denali, given past history?"

But I'd had a change of heart. I'd spent too long being a burden, the only lonely soul in this group of soul mates. It'd make them happy to see me with Tanya.

"I think it'd be good for her. The least I can do is make this as easy as possible for her."

"Ah. That's very kind of you, Edward. We'll go to Denali when we think she can make the journey. Perhaps in a few months, if that's all it takes. I'm proud of your promise to make this as comfortable as you can for her, you know. It's very good of you."

"She was playing Claire de Lune, wasn't she?"

"Yes, she was. It was spectacular, Edward, she's so very gifted. Perhaps one day the two of you could play together, compose together."

I knew I couldn't hope, even in my wildest dreams (that I didn't have anyways), that Bella would ever be courteous enough to let me play with her, to hear her strum at her guitar. It was only reasonable of her. I wouldn't know what to think of her if she had simply forgiven me right off the bat.

Carlisle continued, "Yes, she told us her band was on the verge of getting a record label that night. She told us of her life. She's really very interesting, you know. Believe it or not, she hails from Forks!"

This surprised me, "Really? What a coincidence." Forks was an ever-raining town in Washington, a place we'd lived at half a century ago. It was also the only place we'd ever encountered werewolves.

"Yes, her father is the chief of police there, right now. Perhaps we could go back and set up the house again."

Esme was silent for this conversation, because in her mind she was replaying Claire de Lune; the way Bella had played it. I stilled for a moment, as well, to enjoy the sound of it that repeated in Esme's thoughts. It was so beautifully done.

"What are you thinking of, dear?" Carlisle lifted her chin gently with his hand to look into her eyes. At times like this it was so painstakingly obvious how perfectly they were made for one another.

"Bella was so beautiful when she played, don't you think? As if all the pain and shock and even the thirst had disappeared… I truly think she could be a daughter of mine."

"Yes she was quite lovely. I, also, am looking forward to her being part of our family. Edward, what has she been thinking about us?" Carlisle looked at me.

At this, the former frustration that I felt towards Bella returned. I still couldn't hear any thoughts.

I raised an eyebrow, "Hasn't Emmett told you? I can't hear her thoughts."

A look of surprise shot across Carlisle's features, "Truly? You can't read her mind at all?"

"No. Nothing. Her mind sends out complete silence, I have no idea how or why."

"Strange. Perhaps it's her gift. Is she immune to the others, as well?"

"Well, Alice saw her, didn't she? Do you think perhaps there are other aspects of this possible gift?"

Carlisle's eyes were distant as he pondered over the possibilities. Studying the various gifts of his fellow vampires was one of his favorite subjects.

_If she's immune to it, perhaps she could render another immune to certain gifts? How does this work? Curious, curious…_

Esme spoke then, "Forgive me for interrupting your thoughts, dear, but we need to make some arrangements. I'm sure she has no clothes with her, only her guitar, and I suppose that now that she is to live with us, she'll need a room… Where shall we put her? We can send Alice for clothes when they get back…"

She chuckled at the thought of Alice picking out clothes to dress Bella in. _Perhaps we can install her in my painting room…_

"Are you willing to give it up, Esme?" I asked.

"Well, of course. It's either that or that horrible basement room where we keep all of the files, and we can't have that!"

"But where will you paint?"

"Oh, I suppose I could put some space aside in my room. Carlisle, you wouldn't mind, would you?"

"Of course not, dear. By all means, go ahead." He replied.

"We'll have Alice buy her some furniture, too…" Again an image of Alice picking out furniture for Bella's room appeared in her head, along with a slight look of horror on her face.

I chuckled, "She's going to love this."

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**Bella Swan, September 23d, 2007. 8:16 AM.**

We were running through the forest, and everything about it was simply amazing. The speed, the detail of the trees as they flew past me and I past them, the smells and sounds surrounding me that I never could've noticed before.

I had to admit that the family was lovely. They were all so nice, and civilized, and so perfectly kind towards me. The shock was still great, but it melted away when I'd played guitar. They watched me, but I didn't care. Claire de Lune never failed to soothe.

Edward had shaken my hand, and I'd ignored him. I couldn't bear to react towards him, because when I did, I would hate myself for wanting to help him instead of wanting to loathe him. The pain in his eyes was excruciating! As if every fiber of his being regretted what he did!

I wanted to believe him, truly I did, but I couldn't shake the image of his attack out of my mind. I'd promised myself to despise him, and I intended to keep to it. After all, what was he but the destroyer of my life?

The rest of the family was perfectly amiable, though. Emmett, who had saved me, was hysterical, and made me feel instantly comfortable. He reminded me of a rather straight version of Tom. Thinking of everyone I'd left behind hurt, but these people I was surrounded with now were so nice that it was becoming easier and easier. Though, I did dread the night, where I would probably feel more acutely what had happened to me.

Alice was very excited at everything, and I hoped she and I would become great friends. Her husband, Jasper, was also very kind, but quiet. I didn't know him well.

Emmett's wife, Rosalie, was very striking and very beautiful. She seemed to sympathize with me because of what had happened, but she seemed a bit too…severe. I didn't quite know why.

And then of course, Carlisle and Esme were the two kindest people I'd ever met, and both so very much in love with one another! It was almost embarrassing to watch how intimate their every movement was.

They'd explained to me what they were, and though it was difficult to comprehend, I was starting to get the gist of it. They didn't hunt humans, they didn't sleep, some of them had special gifts, humans weren't to ever know of their existence, and a family called the Volturi, from Italy, made sure it stayed that way, though I shuddered to think how. The details of this existence were exhausting, but by the time they'd finished, I could find myself only ravenously _thirsty._

They must've noticed, because Alice stood up and announced that we had to hunt. Killing animals with my bare hands seemed slightly frightening to me, since I'd been brought up to fear ones such as bears and moose, but when they demonstrated how strong and fast we all were, it seemed to bother me less and less.

I laughed to think what Jeanine would think of this, with her extreme vegan ways, but I quickly shut the thought out. I'd made it my mission to think of them as little as possible.

I caught the scent of something then, and my thoughts evaporated from me. I didn't know what it was, but I wanted it. The others noticed as well, but I was too impatient to follow them. I ran faster, harder, as I spotted my prey. A herd of moose **(AN: I'm not sure if moose travel in herds or not, I'm not Canadian. So if they don't, pretend they do .)**

No one had to say anything in order for me to know what to do. I simply let go of my human side, without thinking. The moose saw us coming, and they bolted like a bat out of hell. But we were faster. And smarter. And all of us were extremely, extremely hungry. Them moose didn't stand a chance.

I pounced on one, and it surprised me how strong these things were. But my urge to feed from one was a thousand times more potent than their urge to survive. I held on to it and brought my face down to it's hide, where I could feel the blood rushing through it's veins. I tore at it's flesh and within seconds, I was drinking from it. Amazing.

We did this with several moose, and when they were all drained, we scattered their carcasses. Then we moved on to the pack of grizzlies that moved north not far from here. Emmett had a personal grudge against these, because of his history with them, so he attacked these with particular gusto, and we all followed his lead.

Many hours later, when dusk came upon the forest, we returned to the house. I felt slightly guilty and ashamed for what I'd done, but the thirst in my throat no longer burned. I still needed to get used to this aspect of it.

All of the "younger" Cullens had to return to school. **(AN: They all skipped school during Bella's change.) **Their age still baffled me; they all looked so young, but Carlisle was at least 300 years old, and Jasper had been in the civil war.

I decided then that this couldn't possibly be as bad as I first thought it to be. I just didn't know what would happen next.

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**Happy happy review happy. Capiche?  
**

**Peace and love,**

**-Mint.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Here's the update!**

**Written in quick succession of the last chapter, a result of boredom, cherry/raspberry tea, the Dire Straits and the Wombats.**

**Special thanks to JJrenee85 and Sovoyita for giving so much advice and for sharing their thoughts! May God grant you both a cookie.**

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**Bella Cullen, September 27****th****, 2007. 5:36 PM.**

The following few days passed without much incident. While the others were at school, I would play guitar and immerse myself in a sort of gauze that protected me from the shock I still dealt with at night. A majority of my time was also spent in Carlisle's study, reading, listening to the new iPod they'd given me. The walls were lined with books, and the couch was comfortable. I easily curled up there and read for hours on end.

There were still many aspects of this existence I still had to adjust to. Sleeping had taken up so much of my time…before. Now the hours were left empty, hours with which I didn't know what to do. The eating component was a drastic change, as well. Food before my change consisted of opening up a fridge… Now it compromised of a vicious hunting expedition. All quite radical, and something I'd taken to every day to sate the constant thirst erupting from my throat. I was so grateful that there existed an alternative to killing humans, but I didn't yet know how difficult it would be once I was allowed to live amongst them.

What bothered me most, though, was the lack of warmth. I was never cold, of course not, but I would no longer feel my heart beat faster at certain moments, or a treacherous blush creep up my face. And nothing was too hard, too impossible for me anymore, physically. I was stronger than Emmett, and could outrun the entire family.

I spent much time with Esme when the rest of the family was away, as well. She was so pleasant and motherly, already I considered her to be somewhat of a mother to me. I was glad she always made time to make sure I had everything I needed. I tried to be a good sport about the hordes of clothes Alice had brought in, the newest iPod with the biggest amount of storage, and the expensive designer furniture from strange Italian brands with unpronounceable names, but I constantly found myself struck by the waste; I didn't need any of this! Except for perhaps the iPod; it was a gift sent from God.

I was now Bella Cullen instead of Bella Swan, and it was still so hard for me to accept that I was no longer that Bella, the human. I missed being around people, chatting with Jeanine during our book-rounds, jam sessions with Tom when neither of us could sleep in the wee hours of the morning, going home to take care of Charlie for a week… It was still so hard to realize that I would probably never see him again, and I tried my hardest not to forget every detail about him. That was worst of all; knowing I'd forget it all. I didn't want to.

Today was Friday. It'd been one week exactly since that one night that'd morphed my life into something new and unexpected entirely. At times, when with Carlisle and Esme, talking about…well, everything, I felt like perhaps I could rather easily fit into this existence they led. I often felt the same way when being with Alice and Jasper, or racing Emmett through the forests.

I didn't know Rosalie very much yet, but I knew she was the only one who could relate much with me; she remembered most every detail of her humanity, she clung to every fiber of it. Her story was horrible, though. I cringed when she told me it… It made me so uncomfortable and wistful. But being this, a _vampire_, had given her true love, a soul mate… I understood why she resented it at first, but why, after such a long time, did she still hold such a grudge against what her kind did?

The only person I hadn't spoken with extensively was perhaps the one whose opinion on existing in this manner might've mattered most; Edward. He was always perfectly pleasant towards me, but I found it slightly arrogant. I was still content with despising him, so I tried to avoid much conversation with him. Carlisle'd told me many times already how fond he was of his son, but I was having much difficulty viewing him in the same way, which Carlisle had said was quite understandable. But he'd also said it would change over time. I doubted it.

And then Edward would sit behind his piano, and he would play. His heart and his pain pouring into the beautiful white grand piano, which would amplify his feelings and reflect them out for all the rest of the world to hear. I'd watch him sometimes, secretly, as he played. It was much more complex for me to hate him then. At times like these I could see, understand, how roughly the incident had carved its remnants into his heart, however cold and still that heart was.

He'd just returned from school with my other new brothers and sisters, and he sat again, coaxing a dangly tune out of the instrument. It sounded exquisite, unnerving almost. Then he altered the melody more, and more, until I registered what he was playing with quite some surprise.

"Claire de Lune?!" Crap. He didn't know I was watching him play.

He looked up, startled. At this I remember that he couldn't hear my thoughts. Carlisle'd discussed it with me. I felt slightly smug when I was reminded that I was immune to Edward.

But then he smiled and his eyes twinkled. There were still those odd ends of pain spilling from them, but it was always less agonizing for him when he played his piano, I knew this much already. And when he smiled he was so utterly… gorgeous. _Shut up, Bella. You HATE him, remember?!_

I thanked God once more that he couldn't read my mind.

"Bella! How long have you been here?"

Sheepishly, I replied, "Not very long. It sounded nice so I wanted to listen to what you were playing…" I was being too nice. I was speaking too much. I had to be short with him, and cold. It wasn't working.

"I understand you enjoy playing Claire de Lune on your guitar, no? Alice tells me it sounds so lovely." Again, perfectly civil and pleasant. And frustrating!

I sniffed, "Yeah, it's okay." I slightly regretted acting so superior, but I felt I had to protect myself; I still didn't trust him.

He noticed, because the previous twinkle so prominent in his eyes was swept up in a wounded film of hurt. I felt horrible. It was so painful to be torn between comforting this astounding being before me and loathing every particle of him!

"Listen, Bella… Not a single second of every day that has passed hasn't been filled with lament for what I've done to you… I wish I could say you'll be well off with us, but I know you had a beautiful life waiting to happen to you. I took it from you, and I'm plagued with the full awareness of that, every single time I see you and every single minute I don't. I don't blame you in the least bit for hating me, you know. But I also wish you could, perhaps one day far from now, forgive me for it. Even though I truly don't think I deserve it."

His face was so contorted in agony as he spoke each word softly and carefully, all of them saturated with emotion. In that moment I found it so impossible to hate him for what he'd done, looking upon how much it pain it had brought him. I didn't feel worth such pain, such seemingly endless suffering. But how could I forgive him?

So when I replied, I told him the truth, "Sometimes, I think I want to. But it hurts. I don't know if I can."

With that, I sprinted off, out of the house, to the forest. I spent much time here, not only to hunt, but because the green of the trees and the timelessness of it all was so comforting. Alice soon joined me, and together we hunted for deer, staying close to the house.

When we were finished, we walked back, and she told me what she knew of Edward, what insight her gift had granted her about him.

From what I'd gathered through her, and Carlisle, and Esme, this experience would never leave him; he'd always grieve. He was always a perfectly decent gentleman, and apparently, no one tried as hard as he did to make up for his existence, his being a vampire. He didn't believe any of them would go to heaven. I shuddered when I reminded myself that I was part of _them_ now.

"I don't know, Alice. I just… I left my family behind. My band. My friends… There was so much I still had to do… And now I can't do any of it. How can I forgive him for that?"

At that she smiled. Apparently, she knew something I didn't.

"One day, Bella, you'll forgive him."

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**Edward Cullen, September 29****th****, 2007. 2:29 PM.**

I had taken to watching her as she played guitar. She looked so extremely peaceful yet, at the same time, so very passionate when she played. Her homesickness and heartache didn't affect her quite as fully when she was with her guitar.

After that extremely painful conversation at my piano, she'd fled to the forest, where I knew she would often wander. Alice followed her. I didn't know for certain what they'd spoken of together, but I knew that when they came back, some tension seemed resolved, for both of them. The tenderness of the past week was still there; still quite prominent, but some new sense of closure had clung to it all.

I wondered if she watched me play, too. I'd only caught her the one time, but I listened to her play the guitar in secret so often, as well. It amazed me, but this girl and I were so very much alike. Whenever I would amble into Carlisle's study after returning home from the hellhole of a school we were all attending, she would always be there, reading exactly the book I'd had in mind to pick out. She ran through the woods very often, according to Carlisle because she wasn't yet used to moving without tripping over something, and at this I laughed. I'd never been clumsy, but running was irresistible to me, too.

And then of course her obvious obsession with Claire de Lune. It almost mirrored mine. She loved music, I knew. Because most every time I encountered upon her in the house, except for when she was playing guitar, she would be listening to the iPod we'd given her. I always wondered what she thought of when she listened. I still didn't know, because I still couldn't hear. I was still adjusting to this, but the initial shock had worn off.

This particular day, a Sunday, as it were, I noticed something new. I used to be so completely engrossed in the piece she played that I hadn't picked up on the utter silence surrounding me, other than the music made by her guitar. There were no thoughts, no mundane ponderings that penetrated my skull. Only her guitar. Even Emmett's usual daily lust was quieted!

"How in the…" I muttered, mainly to myself.

Bella must've heard, because she snapped out of her music-induced reverie, and looked around, incredulously.

At that moment, when her concentration was broken, and the world flooded back to her, the thoughts returned to me.

_Grrrr, I love that skirt on her…Wonder what it'd look like off, though…_

I shut my eyes and brought my hand to my forehead. Dammit, Emmett…

"Edward? Is that you?" Bella peered over her shoulder, staring at the wall behind which I was hidden. I stepped out from behind it.

"I couldn't hear… "

"Sorry, Edward, what?"

The words tumbled out of my mouth quite frantically then, "When you were playing, and you were so concentrated on your guitar, I couldn't hear any thoughts! I wasn't blocking them out, they just weren't there! This is amazing! I have to go tell Carlisle!"

With that I sprinted to Carlisle's study, leaving her behind, looking dazed and extremely confused.

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**There we have it... Y'know, I always feel like they could be better, like I'm just not getting it right. What do you guys think? I'd really like to know :)**

**Which reminds me...**

**Now comes the time where I tell you all to review or suffer my wrath. Muahahahaha!...  
**

**Not really tho :) just please, if you have the time, drop a review.  
**

**Cheerio,**

**Mint.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Hello lovelies! I usually have a lot of trouble writing two chapters in one day, cause it drains me, this whole writing she-bang...**

**But I couldn't stop today! I wrote a whole lot, I tell you. Mainly because of the complaints that the chapters are too short...**

**and then some slight business with The Rolling Stones and peach flavoured tea... which isn't as good as cherry tea, but still good.**

**Alrighty, enjoy! **

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**Edward Cullen, September 29****th****, 2007. 2:46 PM.**

"Edward, calm down. Are you meaning to tell me that when Bella plays her guitar, your gift…vanishes?" I'd reached Carlisle's office and spoke a mile a minute, trying to explain to him what I'd just found out.

It sounded ridiculous, but I had to nod my head frantically.

"Either that, or when she's so determined about something, so immersed."

"…Yes I think we both agree the last one seems more…plausible. I've seen her play guitar, it's as if the world around her no longer exists… Perhaps that level of concentration is what is required for her to unlock her gift upon others…" He went on pondering, and I took the time to calm down, and take a seat on the sofa.

It was quite a powerful gift, I had to admit. I wondered though, as she wasn't so immune to Alice or to Jasper, if she could also shut down Alice's visions or Jasper's empathy upon setting her mind to it…

A knock sounded from the door, and Bella poked her head into the room.

"Ah, Bella. Come in! Have a seat." Carlisle gestured at her to sit next to me, and she did so, looking rather uncomfortable. Oh, how I wished she'd forgive me.

"Sorry, I'm slightly confused as to what just happened… I was playing guitar, you see, and Edward appeared out of nowhere talking about _thoughts_…?"

Carlisle smiled at her and continued, "Yes, well, you know that you are immune to Edward's ability…" he paused, and she nodded, "but apparently, Edward here has discovered that when you are so intensely concentrated on something, in this case playing your guitar, his ability disappears entirely, and he's unable to hear any thoughts except for, hopefully, his own." He chuckled.

Bella still looked confused, but also slightly relieved. "Oh, I thought it was something bad."

Carlisle laughed at this, "No of course not, Bella, this is marvelous! Of course, we'll have to discover the trick to using it, and you'll learn to control it, naturally, but it's very promising."

"Ah, right. That's good, then. I suppose." I looked at her and she seemed so horribly awkward as she ignored me and spoke only to Carlisle.

"I can help you, Bella. With your gift, I mean. Because mine is so easy to distinguish, less subtle than Jasper's or Alice's…" I started, but ended when I saw the slight horror prominent on her features.

"Yes, I do think that'd be a good idea." Carlisle eyed Bella hopefully.

What I saw on her face was very confusing, very hard to differentiate. I'd seen it on many occasions this past week, and every time I saw it, it was so terribly vexing! She seemed so torn between two things, and one I could recognize as anger and pain. The other was more difficult to comprehend, but I could make sense out of it that she had no desire to be around me more than necessary. Of course she still blamed me.

"Uh, well, we'll see…" Bella looked slightly nervous as we both stared at her.

"Or, well, you could work on it when we go to Denali…"

Bella looked up at this, "Denali?"

"Yes, it's a place in Alaska, where friends of ours live. They, too, are 'vegetarians,' and Edward here thought perhaps it would be good for you if we visited them. Fewer humans, plentiful wildlife… It would be great, Bella. And of course there are a few there with extra abilities as well, I'm sure you can figure it all out with them…We'll leave when we think you're ready for the journey."

I was reminded at this that I'd be courting Tanya not very long from now. I hadn't thought of her much… It simply seemed so convenient that perhaps being with her could erase the longing of mine to love… But I felt somehow, deep down, that it would be more difficult than that. I doubted it would be a true love, but I would try. For my family.

Bella seemed to sigh in relief when Carlisle'd finished speaking, and that hurt. She didn't want to spend time with me. Of course she didn't. She still blamed me. But then I saw the pain in her eyes.

"I don't want to leave…" She whispered, eyebrows furrowed in anguish. I'd done this to her.

Carlisle looked at her with pity, "Yes, Bella, I understand it will be quite…difficult. But you must understand, it will be easier. I promise."

She stood up then, and headed towards the door, "Fine. We'll go. I'll never see any of them ever again anyways." That last comment bit at me more than ever.

"She still blames me."

_Yes, it's quite horrible to watch, I must admit… But you're trying so hard to appease to her, Edward. I'm proud of you._

I snorted, "And still she hates me intensely."

"It will change, Edward. It must."

"I wish it would," I said, leaning over and burying my head in my hands.

"Do you still intend on speaking with Tanya upon arrival in Denali?" Carlisle asked, cautiously.

_I still don't understand why you feel so compelled to, so obviously against your will, Edward._

"Yes, of course. I have made it uncomfortable for you for quite long enough, and now I've committed the ultimate act, the epitome of how dreadful I really am. This will alleviate the burden I always represent to you. She will take me, I know it."

"Edward, you are much more naïve than I thought if you truly think that you are a burden, and that this will 'alleviate' you as a 'burden,' as you so deftly put it."

"What choice do I have, Carlisle?"

"You have plenty of choices, son. Don't ruin your chances. You _will _encounter true love once, and it will not be in the form of Tanya."

I knew he was right. For a second, I imagined what life would be like…if I were with Bella. My heart lifted at the thought of me and her, writing music together, running together, reading together, spending hours on end talking and listening to old music…

She could block out all thoughts for me and we could spend days being alone together, no other minds invading my long-sought privacy…

No. I couldn't allow myself to think like that. She hated me, blamed me, abhorred me. She would never forgive me, and if she ever did, she would most certainly not want to be with me… like _that._

I would have to settle for Tanya, after all. After everything I'd done, it was all I deserved.

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**Bella Cullen, September 29th, 3:02 PM.**

I'd bumped into Alice, Jasper, and Esme in the hallway as I wandered aimlessly through the house. They were heading downstairs to watch a movie, so I joined them.

Alice found her place balanced on Jasper's lap, and Esme and I occupied the couch. _American Beauty_ was put in, and I tried to watch it; I loved this movie. But I was so troubled… _Edward_ wanted us to go to Denali for _me_… he was looking out for me… What did that mean?

I shook myself mentally; I couldn't act like this, I couldn't sit and hope that he cared for me… I still felt so completely confused about how I considered Edward.

I hated him so at times, and it hurt so terribly much, especially when I was reminded of what he'd done to me. But when he played piano, or when I'd look through his amazingly perfect collection of music when he was at school, when I heard Esme or Carlisle speak of him with such love and fondness… I truly couldn't help but wish I could know that side of him and ignore the part that had taken my life from me.

This wasn't so bad, after all. Hadn't I thought earlier that I could adjust to this, that these vampires who'd taken me were amongst the best people I'd ever known? It could've been worse, I'd expected much worse the first two or three days of this novel reality I now experienced.

As I thought so thoroughly of my feelings, my emotions, the past week, Jasper suddenly muttered, "What the...?"

I looked up at him, and saw how intensely confused he looked.

"What is it, honey?" Alice said.

"I can't…feel. I mean, of course I can feel, but I don't… Wait." He looked intensely troubled for a second, and then his expression cleared, "Bella, you're torn between two options and you're having trouble deciding, right?"

I nodded, not quite sure where this was going.

"And Alice… of course you love me. Huh. Odd. For a minute there I couldn't feel anything… It was so strange… seemingly...empty?"

Clarification shot up in me "Oh, did I forget to tell you? Carlisle and Edward think they've discovered my gift… Sometimes, sort of involuntarily at the moment, I can kind of block other people's abilities entirely. Like… you wouldn't be empathetic if I…used it."

All three of them stared at me, astonished and completely ignoring the movie by now.

"Are you serious…? Why haven't I seen this, dammit!" Alice was the first to say something.

"How'd you find out?" Jasper asked.

"I was playing guitar, and all of a sudden Edward couldn't hear anyone… They think it's when I'm extremely concentrated on something that it happens…"

"Darling, that's wonderful! Will Edward and Carlisle help you develop it?" Esme asked, brushing a strand out of my face in a rather motherly gesture.

Her question reminded me of what problem I'd been so deeply absorbed in before Jasper had come to his little revelation, and I decided I'd have to figure out where exactly I stood about Edward, and stick with it.

"Well, Carlisle wants Edward to help me, but I'm not sure…"

"Bella… We've talked about this. I mean, I know it hurts so much, and the pain is still very fresh, but you know what pain he feels in his throat… You haven't even smelt a human yet, which is like a thousand times amplified the craving you feel for animals!" Alice went on and one, giving me reasons to forgive him, and admittedly, they sounded rather reasonable.

"Bella, dear, Edward is truly a decent fellow… I'd be so proud of you if you managed to forgive him… But I understand it will take some time…" Esme said gently.

"I know you want to, Bella. I can feel it." Jasper contributed.

"I still don't know… I need to figure some things out, first."

With that, they let the subject drop, and we averted our eyes back to the TV screen. This time, I refused to let my mind float around in waves of conflict I was presented with, more for Jasper's sake than my own… He seemed so uncomfortable, not knowing what everyone felt.

So I paid careful attention to the movie, and when it was over, I decided to go hunting. Emmett and Rosalie had just returned from some car show, something I still failed to understand, and they were rather thirsty, so they joined me.

Emmett was usually my favorite to go hunting with, because he wasn't so emotionally attuned as the others were, and the obvious competition behind hunting with him was a welcome distraction. Rosalie was relatively the same as Emmett at times like this, so I didn't mind.

I let my worries disappear from me for a while as I set to following a set of grizzlies along with the other two, and felt the familiar exhilarating rush behind running, closing in on the prey.

A few hours later, we all took a break, feeling extremely well fed. I still chuckled at the harsh contrast between the concept of "food" before and after my change.

Around 3 in the morning, we eased our way out of the forest, going rather slowly for a set of vampires, talking about whatever felt convenient. Rosalie and Emmett were always so easy to be with, because they never presented me with any problems I might have to worry about sometime sooner or later. They always talked about the optimistic side of things, and they were so awfully cute together.

I felt better after the hunt, and when we arrived home, Alice and Jasper, Carlisle and Esme, and Edward, were sitting in the living room, chatting animatedly.

Alice jumped up when we arrived, and made her announcement, "There's one hell of a storm brewing up south of here!"

Emmett let out a whoop of joy, before exclaiming "It's on, Jasper! ITS ON!"

I was mildly confused at this point, but Rosalie quietly explained to me while rolling her eyes at her husband's blatant display of 'manhood.'

"We play baseball when there's a storm coming up…you'll see why. Do you play?"

The idea of _me_ playing baseball was slightly disturbing, but I knew the rules: Renee'd married Phil, after all. I tried my hardest to usher memories of them out of my mind as I tried to sound enthusiastic, but then I remember that I was no longer clumsy klutzy Bella, and with my newborn strength and speed, I might actually be good at this.

Carlisle interrupted the excitement, "Before we go, though, I'm slightly worried that there might be too many humans on the way over there…Alice?"

Her face scrunched up in concentration for a second, and then she sighed. "I don't know, I can't see anything… But I think it'll be okay. I still see Bella with golden eyes!"

"Bella, I think your gift is going insane, there've been times when you were gone where I couldn't feel anything and Edward couldn't hear anything…" Jasper frowned.

I looked at them sheepishly, "Hehe, sorry Jasper. I'll try to control it, I promise."

"Do you think it's safe?" Carlisle muttered to Esme.

She nodded, "It'll be fine. No one's out around these hours, anyways. And the journey isn't so short… We can only go for a few hours, though. My children have to go to school!"

The younger Cullens groaned at the thought of returning to the eternally boring high school, but the general level of excitement at the prospect of baseball hadn't reduced. I was glad I didn't have to go with them, back to high school. I shuddered as I remember how many times I'd tripped on the stairs, creating a domino effect down the entire staircase. Needless to say, it wasn't very pretty.

In a matter of minutes, we'd all loaded up into Emmett's monster jeep, and we headed off to some field not far from here, to play baseball, apparently.

The ride was fine, and no humans were in the near vicinity, but Edward, Jasper, and Emmett remained with me in case…something went wrong.

I felt intensely guilty for putting them under so much trouble, but I sincerely hoped nothing bad happened; I wouldn't want to cause death. Anywhere. It would ruin me. So I was grateful that they were watching over me, I felt safe.

We were soon at the field where we'd be playing, and I felt my jaw drop to the ground as I took in the amazing girth of the place; it was a simply HUGE clearing in the forest! How did they _find _it? But then, they could've just as easily ripped out the trees that stood in their way…

Esme dashed around the place, marking the bases, and I couldn't believe how impossibly far apart they were.

Everyone had taken to chucking the ball around at each other, and it amazed me how far and fast it flew. When Rosalie threw it at me, I couldn't believe I actually caught it. I decided I'd test out my strength as I flung the ball, as hard as I could, to Edward. His eyes widened in shock and off he went, chasing the ball. He caught it just before possibly hitting a tree, and raced back, a triumphant look on his face. He then flicked the ball towards Alice, who caught it gracefully.

Then, a loud rumble of thunder erupted off in the distance, and a breeze blew my hair in to my face. That was when I stiffened, went absolutely rigid, and smelled something that drove me absolutely insane. It was like… it was like grizzly blood, or moose, but a thousand times more potent and more delicious. I could barely register the others speeding towards me as I disappeared, off through the trees, absolutely ravenous for this delicious scent that seemingly begged for me.

It was amazing. I wanted it.

Then, the next thing I knew, three figures tackled me to the ground simultaneously, and held me there. We struggled as I tried to fight them off, still voracious for this ravishing scent that I'd never experienced before, but somehow, they managed to keep me pinned to the ground.

"NO!" I roared, vicious and angry.

Then I saw Edward's eyes, black as night, stare into mine as he held me down, along with Emmett and Jasper. I shuddered; it reminded me so of that night not too long ago, when his eyes were such a similar black. That image shook me back to reality, and I broke out into tearless sobs. The scent no longer permeated my brain as it had, and Edward cradled me in his arms as I saw Alice, Carlisle, and Esme arrive, faces all alive with anguish and…fear.

At that moment, I knew I had no choice but to forgive Edward. I'd never known what he'd felt, how intoxicating human blood actually was! I hadn't known! I felt so extremely astounded that they resisted that amazing fragrance day in, day out, constantly fighting against that urge to rip, to tear, to kill. How much restraint could one single person have?!

With this revelation came shame. I felt so ashamed, I'd almost ended a life, killed a human. If they hadn't tackled me, kept me pinned there, I would've done it. I would've murdered. I would've taken an innocent life.

"It's okay, it happens all the time, Bella…" Edward whispered in my ear. I felt so grateful for them to have saved me, and even Edwards's arms around me felt impossibly… _right._

"I didn't know…" I whispered, my voice hushed with torment.

"Bella, it's perfectly fine. Nothing happened. You're safe…" Carlisle looked me in the eyes. His features were entirely caught up with worry.

"Can we go home…?" I asked.

There. I'd said it. I'd called it home. There was no turning back now. After what'd just happened, I felt I could no longer attempt to deny that this was me now, and that I was one of them. A vampire. And that I could never blame Edward after this.

"Of course, Bella. I'll take you right now." Edward stood up, still carrying me.

"No, it's best if we all go…" Carlisle said. Jasper and Emmett nodded.

Alice stood next to me, seemingly very frustrated, "I couldn't see…"

"It's okay, Alice. It wasn't your fault." I reached out towards her.

"Edward, can you put me down?"

"Oh, uhm, yes, of course." He awkwardly set me back down and turned immediately, off to the jeep. I followed with Alice and Jasper, and the others were behind us.

The ride back to the house was quiet, except for the occasional "It wasn't your fault," and the occasional tearless sob escaping my lips.

Edward patted my back, comforting me. I intended to speak with him when we got home, to let him know I forgave him, that I couldn't blame him any longer.

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**You people have reduced me to begging: Please please please PLEASE review!! ...pwetty pwease?**

**Yaaaaay. Peace and love,**

_-_**Mint.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Hello darlings!**

**Okay, I'ma keep this short and sweet cuz there's a lot to say!**

**First of all, thanks to **_**Silver Drip **_**and **_**TheChocoholicOfTwilight **_**for sticking around since the way beginning!  
**

**Second of all, Bella's 20 in this story, since someone asked (again.)**

**Thirdly, if you don't like the Tanya thing, note that this IS a BxE story, not a TxE story. Things will work out, have some faith!**

**Now, some music for this chapter. When Bella and Edward are in his room together, the mix Edward puts in includes the following: Romeo and Juliet by the Dire Straits (or The Killers), Better Together by Jack Johnson, Zebra by John Butler Trio, and Freedom (part 2) by the Beautiful Girls…**

**Lastly, I don't mean to make excuses, but I've been incredibly tired and in pain due to Rugby practice, stressed because exams are actually coming up in a month, and my Chinese teacher has DROWNED me in a pile of translations. So I'm meaning to finish this chapter up more thoroughly when I have time, but I felt I owed it to you guys to update.**

**Oh, and, does everyone know what the Bhagavad-Gita is? It's the most important Sanskrit text ever, consisting of 700 verses. It's like, the base for Hinduism in India. Very philosophic, very interesting.**

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**Edward Cullen, September 30th, 2007. 5:09 AM.**

I was sitting next to Bella in the jeep, remembering how my un-beating heart had almost jumped out of my chest when Bella'd raced off through the woods. We could've expected it to happen, of course… We should've been more careful. We were swift enough to stop her, though, and I could almost feel the relief radiating off everyone in the car.

The ride back to the house had been extremely unpleasant; my family's thoughts constantly drifting in and out of focus as Bella's strange and unrestrained power sifted through us. Jasper was uncomfortable too, his eyebrows furrowed as he tried again and again to calm Bella down. Sometimes it seemed to work, and she was stilled… But the periods of quiet were often interrupted with another gut-wrenching sob.

The sound of her cries brought me back to the woods, where I'd kept her down and stared deep into her eyes, hoping to pacify her somewhat. Her eyes were black and hard as stone and I knew mine must've been the same, but it seemed to work… the ravenous famished look slowly dissolved into one of regret as she returned to reality… She was no longer hungry, no longer tempted to kill, but her urges were replaced with something different entirely: pain. I shuddered as I remembered that look; never again would I want to see that same expression on anyone's face, ever. But the fact that it was present on _her_ face seemed to make it all the worse.

As I sat by her, soothing her, I wondered why I was so inclined towards her; why, when alone in my room at times, my thoughts would dance around her name repeatedly. I dismissed my internal ramblings when Emmett slowly pulled to a stop at the house and turned around to provide Bella with an extremely concerned look.

"How you holdin' up, Bella?"

Her eyes snapped up, "I'm fine," she said quickly. We all unloaded out of the truck and I couldn't help but marvel at how small and fragile she still looked, despite her strength, her speed.

Their thoughts were still quite jumbled to me; blocked out completely one minute, superfluous in my brain the next. Bella was upset, I understood, but the effect it had on my ability was quite vexing.

But then Bella turned to me in a most unexpected manner, "Edward," her eyes probed mine, "can I talk to you for a minute?" With her question came back the flow of thoughts.

_This is so perfect! _Alice was excited about something. Hmmm.

We were all caught slightly by surprise, but I replied swiftly, "Of course, where would you like to talk…?" What on earth could she possibly want to speak with me about? Either way, she'd piqued my curiosity.

She hesitated, "Can we head up to your room, is that okay?"

The others had frozen in their footsteps. They'd been surrounding Bella, making sure she stayed calm, but now they were in as much shock as I was, and all equally as curious.

_Don't do anything I wouldn't do!_ Emmett grinned and rather disturbing images of Rosalie began floating around in his head.

I groaned and lifted a hand to my forehead, trying to block out those vivid mental pictures.

_Whatever she wants to speak about, be gentle, Edward. I think she's still in shock._

"Don't worry, Carlisle." I muttered over my shoulder as I followed Bella through the doors, up the stairs, and into my room. Her step was rather timid, and when she reached my room it seemed as if she was rather unsure of what to do next.

"Uhm…" She carefully chose a seat on my bed, which for some reason I couldn't remember why we'd bought it. Must've been Alice.

Myself also quite hesitant of why Bella wanted to speak to me so particularly, as she still hadn't said a word, I headed to my music collection and pulled out one of my favorite mix CD's; a compilation of peaceful acoustic guitars and lazy vocals. I threw it into the stereo and put the volume quite low… background music seemed called for to fill the long silences I had a feeling would be coming.

I moved to my couch and sat down expectantly, waiting for her to begin. Again, my family's thought weren't quite as clear; partially because I was attempting to block them out, partially because Bella seemed so entirely concentrated on whatever it was she was thinking so intently of.

Sitting there, her hair covering her face, her hands wringing together, I smiled at how endearing she looked… But forced my mind in a different direction; I didn't want to find myself seeing her as anything more than a friend, a member of the family. I shook my head to clear my thoughts, and to properly ignore the buzz of the other's thoughts, and spoke.

"So… what was it… you wanted to say…?" I considered my words to sound consistently stupid, but what else could I say to her?!

Her voice came out slightly choked, barely more than a whisper and I could feel the pity surge through me, "I hate myself so much for it… I can't believe I was so dead-set on killing a human… Like what you did to me." I flinched at that, but said nothing.

"I mean… now that I know... what it feels like, to crave someone's blood that much, to feel like there's no other option but to have it right then, right there… I didn't know, Edward!" At that another sob tumbled into the air, and I tentatively stood up and made my way over to the bed, where I sat down by her, staring at her in concern.

"Bella, it's okay…"

"No, it's not! I need to say this!" It looked as if she was slightly going into hysterics, and at the moment I was most definitely out of my comfort zone; I panicked slightly as I tried to gather some semblance of a reply.

She took a deep (unnecessary) breath, and opened her wide eyes to look at me. For the first time I noticed a golden ring around her pupils and smiled to myself. She was still for a minute, and then smiled, "Sorry. I'm freaking out a bit."

I chuckled, "It's fine, Bella. But please, what did you want to tell me?" I was itching with curiosity by now.

She looked at her hands for a moment, and then slowly looked up. She took another breath, and off she went, "Edward, I need you to know that I forgive you. I forgive you what happened, and I'm sorry I was so cruel to you, and I'm sorry I hated you for what happened that night. Before… before smelling that human just now, I had no idea. I really didn't. I… I didn't understand why you couldn't control yourself at all, why you just had to smell _me_, all of these things… But… I never _knew_, you know? I never…_comprehended_ how difficult it is…and how _horrible_ you must've felt about it all, about how awful I was to you…I'm just… I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it and I was cruel and I didn't know and…"

I cut her off then, "Bella. Bella, look at me," I gently placed a hand under her chin and lifted her chin, and smiled, "It's okay. And thank you. I'll be grateful for the rest of my existence for the charity you've shown by forgiving me."

She shook her head, "No, I'm not charitable at all… I was cruel and I almost killed that human and I made you suffer…"

Despite her incomprehensible little rant of self-consciousness, I couldn't help but grin. The world seemed such a beautiful place, now that she'd officially forgiven me, however much I knew I actually didn't deserve it. But to be granted pardon from such an exquisite creature was simply miraculous… even though I knew I'd have to damage it all quite soon; I simply _had _to remind her of my true nature, to leave her with disillusions wasn't a good idea.

Slowly, I let the words spill, "You know I don't deserve your forgiveness…right? My soul is already gone…"

With that her head snapped up to look at me intensely, "You don't actually believe that, do you?"

I shrunk under her intense glare, and this time, my eyes were the ones staring downwards. "Bella… to have done the things that I've done… how could my soul still exist then? How can I still be deemed good… or _decent_?"

Her expression was unfathomable as she stood up slowly, "Hold on, I'll be right back…"

She left me slightly confused, with only the background music as a comfort, and returned quite quickly, a book in hand.

I stared at the cover, frowning slightly, "The Bhagavad-Gita?"

"Yes. I need you to read this." She flipped through the book, looking for a quote.

"Here. 'All that lives, lives forever. Only the shell, the perishable, passes away. The spirit is without end, eternal, deathless.' Don't you see, Edward? You've always had a soul, you always will!"

I struggled to find the correct reply to what she'd just read to me. At times, I wanted so much to believe her, and Carlisle… But I couldn't help but think of this life, vampirism, as an automatic sentence to a soul-less being. It made sense that way!

But then, were soul-less creatures capable of feeling what we felt? Loving the way we did; finding an eternal mate, loving them more powerfully than any human could find imaginable…?

Bella'd brought new analysis to my theories, but still, I doubted. I wasn't quite sure.

"One day, Edward Cullen, you will believe that we have souls. Because we do. And you know it."

I wished so dearly I could believe her, with her wide eyes that were so well on their way to becoming golden, her soft expression as she seemed to hope I'd listen to what she said.

"I'm so sorry." She repeated in a hushed whisper.

I rolled my eyes, "Bella, I'm the one who should apologize again and again for the rest of infinity! Please, don't say it again; I don't want to hear it. You have _nothing_ to apologize for!"

"But… I could've killed that human. And… I've been so unforgivably spiteful to you…"

"Bella, would it make you feel better if we made a trade? I'll forgive you if you forgive me?"

She nodded frantically, and I chuckled slightly, rolling my eyes once more. She was so absurd sometimes!

"Fine, fine. I forgive you."

"Thank you. And I forgive you too, Edward." She smiled at this, and I could see how relieved she was. In a way, I felt relieved as well.

We sat in my room for the rest of the evening, talking of literature and music and having more discussions of the soul, and for the first time in such a long time, I felt something I'd almost forgotten about: I felt content.

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**Hopefully you guys know what to do by now (hint: REVIEW!)  
Cheerio,**

**-Mint.**


	12. Chapter 12

**Hello lovely little darlings of mine!**

**Y'know, this whole writing ordeal is difficult to set about!  
Sometimes it takes fairly drastic measures, like quite a few old David Bowie songs, some Iggy Pop, at least 3 liters of diet coke, and a LOT of nachos with QUESO (gift from heaven)!!**

**Many thanks to my reviewers, especially the ones that have kept coming back for more… You know who you are, and may God grant you all… uhm… your own personal Edward FEEDING YOU COOKIES (and other things I shan't care to elaborate)! Now how lovely does that sound? (I'm drooling.)**

**So without further ado, we move ONWARDS!**

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**Bella Cullen, September 30****th****, 2007. 7:35 AM.**

I'd waved my new brothers and sisters off as they left reluctantly for school, smiling particularly at Edward when he turned around and grinned at me one last time before stepping into his Volvo. I felt much more at ease now that most awkwardness with Edward had been dissolved. Alice'd given me a big hug, and so had Emmett, after I'd thanked them all for preventing anything horrible from happening out by the baseball field.

Even as simple hours went by, I could feel the rapid changes as I became more and more a part of this family. Now that I'd forgiven Edward for what'd happened, and we'd had our first true conversation together, I felt more than ever comfortable being what I was. I still missed Tom and Jeanine though, and my band…and Charlie. And sleeping! But it wasn't so bad anymore, not now that most reason for bitterness has been foregone.

Now I just had to convince Edward that we, too, had souls. It frustrated me so that he didn't believe it! How could we _not_ have souls? It was absurd!

I turned around and went back inside, where Esme and Carlisle were sitting together on the couch. I smiled and joined them. They looked so happy and unperturbed in each other's arms; I wished that one day, I would perhaps find a love like that, but I wouldn't know where to begin finding one such person.

"How are you, Bella?" Esme asked gently, her eyes twinkling.

I smiled, "I'm better. Edward has been very patient in calming me, and we resolved a lot of things."

"I'm very proud of you, you know. It's so good of you and of Edward to handle this so well, Bella." Carlisle beamed at me, and I felt emotion well up in me; already, Carlisle was so much like my father, and I was happy I could make him pleased somehow.

"Thank you, Carlisle. I'm happy I can make you proud, you know. And I think now it'll be easier for me to let Edward aid me in controlling my power."

With this, Carlisle's eyes glinted, "Bella, that's excellent!"

He seemed so happy that his favorite son and myself had resolved things… I remembered how fondly he'd spoken of Edward, but again I felt troubled with Edward's beliefs considering the soul, the spirit. It clouded my joy for a minute.

"I don't understand, though, why he doesn't consider our kind to have a soul?"

Carlisle's expression changed to thoughtful, and Esme simply seemed worried. "Yes, Edward and I have had many conversations of the sort. He fails to understand how creatures who… who survive by taking lives… can be granted a place in heaven. Do you see? I'm not implying that those who do take human lives are lesser than we are, but immediately they can be regarded as less compassionate. Edward still sees himself as one of them; in regards to how many lives he's taken, whether purposefully or accidentally. I assume he's told you his history?" I nodded, and he continued, "so I'm sure you can somewhat comprehend how he has trouble believing he's still granted access to whatever comes after…this, after our life ends, if you will."

I nodded, trying to understand. But, being the hopeless romantic that I was, I knew that even the vampires who fed off humans had the ability to love, to sustain relationships. And what was love but the very essence of the soul?

I voiced my opinion to Carlisle and Esme, and they vehemently agreed.

"But Bella," Esme spoke now, "Edward… Edward is slightly different. We sometimes worry, you see, that perhaps he was too young when we changed him… As you know, he was only seventeen at the time. Because in all his years, he has not yet found a mate, a person to love. We worry that, because of his age when he was changed, he would have more trouble finding someone like that, finding someone to love… If, as you say, love is the key to understanding the soul, then Edward doesn't yet understand because Edward doesn't yet know how to love with every fiber of his being, the way we've learned to."

I nodded again, agreeing. I felt a surge of pity as I thought of how many years Edward'd watched his family, the collection of couples, always together, breathing and living for one another. He'd been all alone, all this time. No wonder he had trouble believing in the soul…

But then, did he not love his family? And Carlisle and Esme and his siblings? Of course it was non-romantic love, but it was love nonetheless!

"He loves you, though, doesn't he? Isn't that sort of love enough to enlighten someone about the nature of their soul?"

Carlisle furrowed his eyebrows, carefully trying to find the words to answer my musings, "Yes… Of course he does feel that sort of love… I'm afraid, though, Bella, that with all the thoughts that he hears, and the long time he's been with us, he takes it slightly for granted, to be loved and to love the way we love him and he loves us… He has a much higher understanding than most of the workings of the mind, you see. And I'm afraid," he chuckled, "that being with us has quite saturated him with quite a different kind of love at all times… Maybe he truly does need to feel that kind of love and affection before he sees that we do, in fact, have souls, and that our kind is still granted a chance at heaven."

I spent quite a while pondering this, and we were all silent for a minute.

"Bella, I must admit, I'm so glad you're part of our family now." Esme sent a loving smile my way, and I returned it immediately.

"Y'know, you're the best family that's ever kidnapped me!" It was a bit dark, but we all laughed; we were all truly happy to be in each other's company.

"Really, though, Bella. We're proud to have you as our daughter." Carlisle added.

If they could, tears would've welled up in my eyes. The air was emotionally charged as we all stood up and I gave them each a hug.

Carlisle had to go to work then, and Esme and I sat down to continue our conversation. She was so easy to talk to, so motherly, and the hours easily past by until, once again, there was a thirst burning in my throat. I was amazed that, after this mornings tumultuous events, I hadn't felt it earlier.

"Esme, would you like to go hunting with me?" I asked her hopefully. I noticed her eyes were considerably darker than I was used to, so I wasn't surprised when she nodded fervently.

"Let me just change, and we'll be off. I wouldn't want us to go very far, though, after this morning… Is that alright, Bella?"

I felt slightly guilty when she said it, but I knew she just wanted to keep me safe, so I smiled and agreed.

A few minutes later, off we were, running through the woods. I took the time to deliberate the conversation we had, and how much I'd come to enjoy being with my new family.

I also hoped with all my being that Edward would learn to love, and with that, learn to realize he did, in fact, have a soul and a spirit. I'd spent so many years reading upon works that reminded us daily how extensive the existence of the soul was, and I was not about to let him believe that it wasn't there, that there was only emptiness.

But whom would Edward love? I pondered this and realized that there was some slight jealousy present when I considered who was worthy enough for him to spend his days with; it shocked me.

My opinion of Edward had changed drastically in the last twenty-four hours… I'd remember when I was so torn between alleviating his pain and hating him, despising him for what he'd done to me. It seemed so long ago, but really it wasn't. Now, after our beautiful conversation amidst the music that drifted around his room, calming me, he only fascinated me so much more.

I wondered more than ever about what anguish I could see on his features every now and then, and what I could do to lift him of such pain. Did it have to do with me? If it did, I would do whatever it was in my power to relieve him of it; I somehow he deserved to exist painlessly.

He'd been so calm, so patient, as he forgave me for being so horrible, so violent as to crave after that human's blood… After the past few hours I could no longer convince myself that Edward was anything but decent, and _brilliant_!

Over the time we'd talked, he'd expressed such genius knowledge in music, in books… His understanding of it was amazing! And of course, his taste in music was impeccable; and I now had full permission to take advantage of his amazing collection of CD's, a large percent of them completely unobtainable anywhere I'd looked for them… I sighed as I rambled on at how marvelous so many things about him were; I wondered briefly who it would be to capture his heart, to let him love her. Again, there was that jealousy. I found myself wishing, rather oddly, that it could be me.

I'd never really loved anyone romantically before. I'd dated, but no one ever seemed to hold my interest long enough. I idly wondered if Edward could hold my interest for long… for all eternity, perhaps?

I stopped myself there; this was getting ridiculous. Edward was my _brother_ now, and it was absolutely ludicrous for me to hate him one day and be thinking things like _this_ the next!

I was freed from my thoughts when Esme caught the trail of a couple mountain lions, a fresh trail! Mountain lions were rare, so we hurried off after them, and I left my incessant ramblings behind. It was time to hunt.

We returned to the house quite a few hours later, just as the rest of the family was returning home from school, except for Carlisle, who was working a late shift. My throat no longer burned, and Esme and I had fun walking back slowly, taking in nature and speaking of all things pleasant. Again I smiled at how much she seemed like my true mother now.

I saw Edward's Volvo pull into the garage when we eased out of the woods, and I could feel my breath speed up slightly; but reminded myself that I was being absurd; there was no reason for me to react to him like this! He was simply a friend, now. That is what I repeated to myself.

He got out of his car looking quite flustered, obviously aggravated at his siblings as they stepped out of the car, Alice in particular with a smug look on her face. But when he saw me he looked relieved, and waited to greet me as we both reached the door.

"Hello, Bella."

I smiled, "Edward."

"How was your day?" He seemed at a loss for words, overly formal. I grinned at this.

"I just bagged me a couple mountain lions, I think it's going pretty well. How was yours? School must've been fun."

He rolled his eyes, "Please. Don't remind me."

I chuckled as he held the door open for me, "Thanks."

I didn't quite know what to say to him, which was quite annoying. He seemed a bit awkward, too, so when we headed inside, Alice was a welcome distraction.

"Belllaaaaaaaaaa we need to get you a car!"

She was greeted by silence, but she stared at me expectantly.

"A…a car?!" I managed to sputter out, "why do I need a car? I can't even handle going out yet!"

Her face dropped a bit, but she was still quite excited, and Edward was shaking his head in disbelief, "Because we all have cars! You need a car Bella, I'll totally buy it for you."

I stared at Edward, wishing he could hear me think, _Is she serious?!_ But he noted my expression anyways, and just nodded his head with a pitiful expression, his eyebrows raised.

Alice danced off to discuss the possibilities with Rosalie and Carlisle, leaving us in silence again, so I look around the room, looking for a distraction, when my eyes landed on his piano.

I stared at it for a while, before Edward said, "Would you like me to play something?"

An idea lit up in my head, "Actually, I'd like to try something… Hold on."

I ran to my room to get my guitar and my new amplifier that Alice'd found for me, quickly tuning the strings before sprinting back down the stairs, where Edward hadn't moved an inch.

I grinned, "Let's play Claire de Lune together."

He grinned briefly, and sat down at his piano as I plugged my guitar, "Should we do it in different octaves?"

"Sure!" I shortly began playing what I normally played, "Do you want to go lower… or?"

"Yes, that's just fine." He placed his fingers on the keys of the piano, and counted down.

Simultaneously, we both started playing our instruments, and the sweet sound of it filled the room.

The rest of the family must've heard the music resonate throughout the house, because all of them appeared at the stairs, or from outside, and listened silently. Their presence didn't make me nervous as it sometimes would, and I kept on playing, completely in sync with Edward's piano.

We progressed through the entire arrangement perfectly, and I could feel the power surging through me and into every fret of every chord, every strum. I smiled as I plucked out the last notes, and the song came to an end. We were greeted by a mind-numbing silence, and then Emmett broke out into applause…

"Bella, that was amazing!" Alice jumped up and down excitedly.

Jasper grinned at me, as did Carlisle and Esme, and I knew that whatever blood I had in me rose slightly to my cheeks **(AN: Don't know if it's possible, just pretend it is.)** Edward was beaming at me and I returned it, "Nicely done."

I let out a huge breath, "Thanks. You too."

We both stood up and he grabbed my hand so we could take a bow together, and I almost jumped as I felt the electricity of his touch shocked me. He must've noticed too, because he also twitched slightly, and I saw the look on his face as he bowed his head down along with me.

We straightened up, and immediately I let go of his hand, though his touch still lingered. I shot him one last look before picking up my guitar and carrying it back to my room, still smiling to myself. Alice followed me, and sat on my bed as I carefully put my guitar away.

I rolled my eyes, "What is it, Alice?"

I turned to her and saw the excited expression on her face, "Rosalie and I have decided on your car."

I groaned, "Oh, Godddd. Don't do this, Alice. You know how I hate wasting money."

"It's not wasting money, you need a car!"

"I'm not leaving this house for at least another month, Alice. Why would I need a car?"

She smiled mischievously and I sat on the bed, crossing my legs and waiting. "You'll see, Bella. You'll see. Now, what was that lovely piece you played with Edward?"

"…Alice, that was Claire de Lune, you should know that."

She looked at me impatiently, giddily, "No, I know THAT! I meant that little jump when he held your hand!"

I groaned again. Sometimes she was just too perceptive for a tiny little vampire. So I just decided I didn't know what she was talking about, "What are you talking about, Alice?"

She almost jumped up out of fake annoyance; "Don't play dumb with me, Bella! I can see these things!"

"Fine, fine, fine. What do you want to know that you've probably already seen me telling you anyways?"

She grinned at me, "What is going on between you and Edward?"

I raised an eyebrow, trying my hardest to glare at her, "Just because I don't hate him, you automatically assume there's something 'going on?'"

"Argh! Bella, you are so _frustrating_! Fine, I'll just go ask Edward!"

I had to stop her before she flew out of my room and made this even more embarrassing; God knows Edward was probably listening to Alice's thoughts as we spoke!

"No no no Alice stay here!"

She grinned triumphantly and perched herself neatly on my bed again. "Tell me all, Bella. Tell me all."

That deserved another glare, so I shot her a look before continuing, "I forgave him. That's all. I swear."

Her shoulders drooped and she got up, "Fine, fine. I give up. This isn't cool, Bella. Not cool at all."

I stared at her as she left, and shut the door quite loudly, and then reached for my iPod; I had some thinking to do.

What _was_ going on with me and Edward? Why was I all of a sudden so obsessed with him, so taken with his presence? And what was with that shock of electricity that ran through my body when he reached for my hand?!

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**I updated quickly and I tried to make it long because I love you guys!**

**A way to repay me for my intensive labour on your part (cough, cough), would be to (hint) review! Yaaaaaaaaaaay! Virtual cookie for all those who review!**

**Cheerio and peace and love,**

**-Mint!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Hello darlings!**

**  
A sunflower to all of you for being so patient with me to update, I'm sorry I haven't had time to write!  
There's been homework, and tests, and monologues, and Rugby practice, and sleep to catch up with, and a social life to tend to, and jewelry to embroider...  
Very busy, very busy!**

**The music Bella is listening to is Around the World in A Tea Daze by Shpongle, which is what I was listening to while writing. It's not for everyone, it's very trippy and drug-induced, but I recommend the song, it's soooo cool!**

**But here it is, and dedicated to all of my lovely reviewers; I owe you guys a million. It's not as good, I think, as it should be, and for this I'm so very sorry. I've been putting off writing because I couldn't come up with anything good, but I couldn't bear to keep you guys in the dark; I know what it feels like to wait for chapters to read... It sucks! So yeah, here we go!**

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**Bella Cullen, September 30th, 2007. 5:03 PM.**

I'd been lying in my bed, hands behind my head, staring at the ceiling and lost in thought, for quite a while. I laughed as I realized that this had become my replacement of sleep, as I did it so often when no other distractions were offered. Through the headset of my iPod came Shpongle, with the bizarre psychedelic intonations to accompany my meandering thoughts.

My ceiling was white, obviously. The rest of my room was light blue, though. It reminded me of my room in Forks. I wondered what Charlie and Renee had received as news of me; had I been kidnapped, had I been killed? Did they find any blood on the scene of Edward's lapse in self-control? I didn't watch much TV, even after my change, so I didn't know if they'd searched me. But people went missing all of the time; would I really be that important?

Would my band or Jeanine or Renee or Charlie go through the trouble of organizing a search party? I scolded myself for returning to the life I'd now learnt to discard, but I couldn't help but wonder.

And of course some part of me was still quite caught up with Edward, and the surprise when he'd taken my hand to make that bow. And how amazing our music sounded together- perfectly in sync.

That was when Edward and Jasper burst into my room, quite irritated. They didn't need to tell me what was wrong; I saw it on their faces and broke out into a sheepish grin.

"Hehe. Sorry, guys. I'll stop it." Jasper wasn't feeling, Edward wasn't hearing.

Edward brow creased, "Bella, I really think we should start working on your ability…"

Jasper agreed vehemently, "It's extremely unnatural, not feeling!"

I bit my lip; I wasn't particularly looking forward to developing this talent of mine. It seemed so alien to me! But then, could I afford to find anything at all strange nowadays? Besides, it would be easier to not feel quite so guilty for disparaging my sibling's gifts.

So, quite hesitantly, I said, "Fine… should we start right now, then…?"

They both sighed in relief, and Edward smiled, "Carlisle can help. He'll be back in a short while, he can help."

"Thanks, Bella." Jasper grinned before turning and heading back out the door, leaving Edward standing quite awkwardly in my doorway. I smiled to myself; once again grateful he couldn't hear a word of what I was thinking. I realized that, essentially, I was the only person in this house with true privacy.

"What's up, Edward?" I tried to be casual about it, but there was a slight tremor in my voice. I hoped he couldn't notice.

He must've been too preoccupied with his own anxiety, because he didn't seem to have noticed, and sounded equally as nervous when he said, "We go good together, don't we?" I didn't quite know what to make of this, and it must've shown, because he hurriedly added, "On the piano, I mean. And the guitar."

I laughed. So far, my façade of nonchalance worked better than his, "Uhm… yeah it did sound pretty good. Why?"

He looked slightly frustrated as he struggled with his words, hands fidgeting as he still stood stiffly at my door, "I mean, maybe, if you want to, we should write together… Songs and the like… If you want to?" He sounded hopeful, and still so nervous!

I stifled another laugh when I considered my options; writing and playing music with Edward? This could prove to be interesting!

"Edward, you can come in, you know! Here, sit!" I gestured to my bed, as I'd already sat up and was perched with my legs crossed, by my pillow. It became extremely difficult to muffle my quiet laughter when I saw the look that'd crossed his face; one of shock and astonishment... _This is too good_, I giggled to myself.

Again, he looked around the room for some distraction, some subject to speak of while avoiding my eyes. His glance landed on the open copy of _Mrs Dalloway_, by Virginia Woolf.

An eyebrow was raised as he muttered, "Mrs Dalloway? Quite an unusual choice, isn't it?"

I took the book in my hands, staring at the cover, before looking up at him and saying quite dryly "I suppose so, but I've quite a new take on life and death nowadays, what with me being somewhere in between, so I thought I'd re-read it."

His brow furrowed, "And what is your conclusion?"

I laughed; he looked so serious! "Sorry, Edward, I'm in no mood to discuss the various alterations in the opinions on life and death from certain standpoints. It may be interesting at times, but for the moment it's just slightly too depressing."

It was his turn to laugh now, and he nodded as he said, "Yes, I suppose you can say so. So, young lady, what works of literature exactly have you been reading lately that _doesn't_ question the ever-significant cycle of life and death, eh?" His tone was falsely serious, reminiscent of an over-zealous college professor, and I giggled at the ridiculous expression on his face.

"Well, a couple classics. Pride and Prejudice, of course…"

At this he cut me off already, with a snort, "Austen? You can't be serious."

I rolled my eyes, "Oh yeah, and what do _you_ happen to read, _good sir_?" I laid the sarcasm on those last two words quite thickly.

"What I read has nothing to do with why you read the novels of a romance-obsessed spinster! She never married, you know!"

I scoffed, "If you don't think Jane Austen has the ability to demonstrate romance, then you have the emotional range of a teaspoon. I mean, seriously, are you frigid?! Eliza Bennett and Mr. Darcy share the most famous love of that century!"

What was going on?! Did this Greek god, this beautiful mythological creature sitting here on my bed truly not believe in love?! No wonder he had no faith in the soul!

The amused look on his face frustrated me even more when, finally, he spoke, "How about we lay aside our differences on the subject of Ms Austen, how about that? Obviously we do not agree, possibly because I don't understand how you can consider what she writes to be about love, or possibly because she simply doesn't do so, but there it is. Let's lay it aside, and agree to disagree."

I scowled at him as I shortly said, "Fine!" and stuck out a hand to shake his. What I wasn't quite expecting was that electric shock again when he shortly took my hand in his own, but I was too haughty to register it, or to pay much attention.

He had noticed it, though, and stared at me with absolute astonishment on his face. We were silent for a moment, and while I considered that shock that had happened yet again, I wondered what I could do for him to help him believe love, and believe it the way Jane Austen and countless other brilliant writers had portrayed it.

I couldn't stand the silence much longer. "Seriously, though, Edward, don't you believe in love?!"

A slightly vulnerable look flitted across his face before he composed himself, "Of course I believe in love. But what Jane Austen writes about can hardly be it!"

I looked at him skeptically, and asked, before I could think twice "Edward, have you ever even been in love?!"

It was the wrong question.

His eyes were taught with immeasurable pain, and I regretted my question when he replied in a hushed whisper, "No. No, I haven't."

I blinked, confused. And then, I tried to decipher that pain in his eyes, to identify what else I could see swimming in the liquid pools of gold… I couldn't recognize it though, and it frustrated me just as much as his reply had saddened me.

"…Why not…?" I asked cautiously, on edge to hear his answer, to discover the reasoning behind what seemed like a hundred years of solitude. My thoughts raced furiously at this consideration, _an entire century alone?!_

His answer was quiet, and again he avoided my face, "I've never found anyone who would love me the way I could love them."

My hand stretched out towards him, and my face was contorted in pity. I wasn't quite sure what I intended to do, but in that very moment I felt there was nothing I could do but comfort him. I didn't understand how it was possible that one such amazing person could have no one to love, no one to be with.

One hundred years of solitude was discouraging, though. I wondered if I would be alone for the following one hundred years. It was hard to wrap my head around such a long period of time, time that I would witness with my very own two eyes...

"Oh, Edward…I'm sorry…" I whispered as I drew him into a hug. He stiffened as I brought my arms around his back. I had half the mind to pull back that second, still not quite sure of what I was doing. But when my head rested on his shoulder, it felt so damn _right_! I felt his posture relaxed slightly as his arms gently and cautiously trailed down my back, resting by my waist.

We sat there, in each other's arms, for God knows how long. It felt like eternity. Millions of thoughts flew around in my brain, driving me insane. Why the instant connection to Edward whenever I touched him, whenever his body came near to mine? And why was I so concerned with him and with love? Could I find him someone to love, someone to make him happy. Even though it was him who'd bitten me, I felt he _deserved_ to have someone, to be happy with someone. But who?

I immediately pulled out of the hug when my mind flashed to an image of Edward and myself, his head resting on my lap as we both read from the same book, Mansfield Park by Jane Austen. I forced myself to erase the picture from my mind, to never consider the possibility. I wasn't good enough for Edward, I chastised myself. I'd have to find him a perfect vampire, a beautiful woman, smart and strong and perfect for him. I knew it wouldn't be me.

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**Edward Cullen, September 30th, 2007. 5:49 PM.**

Words cannot describe the devastation that caved through my heart when she shifted out of her hold on me. I knew I'd have to move eventually, because I could hear Carlisle's thoughts approaching the house. But it felt too good for me to do anything but wonder if we could stay like this forever.

I hated myself for it, of course. I didn't deserve someone as pure and as good as her, I truly didn't. And I hated myself for being so honest with her, for letting her see how much it hurt sometimes to know that I'd been alone in a house full of lovers for an entire century. I'd never known love, and now she knew this. I probably disgusted her.

So when she pulled out of the hug, I quickly masked the distraught look I was sure on my face with some composure, and we were both silent as we headed out the door to greet Carlisle.

Of course, I was grateful that Bella'd agreed to begin working on her gift. Both Jasper and myself has been suffering considerably. How many times could a person slide into utter and intense concentration like that? Did Bella truly spend so much time simply _thinking_ about things?!

I remained distracted by this as we quietly walked down the stairs. Jasper and Alice where watching a movie together, whispering words to one another.

I shied away from their thoughts and brought a hand to my head to pinch the bridge of their nose. It wasn't a good time to walk in, I knew.

_Dammit, Edward._ Alice shot me a look.

Jasper grinned mischievously and apologetically at me as we sat down to join them. Carlisle walked in the door then, and Esme quickly descended the stairs to fly into his arms. He chuckled as he softly planted a kiss on her lips, his eyes bright. He took her hand as he moved forward in the room and greeted us all.

"And, what's new?" He looked at me as he asked this, and I wasn't surprised. I looked most disheveled of the bunch, I was sure.

"Well, Bella would like to start working on her talent…" When she shot me a look I quickly added, "With some persuasion from us, of course. It's been a bit uncomfortable…"

Jasper nodded and Carlisle broke out into a grin, "Excellent!"

He led the three of us to his office, and we didn't come out till many hours later **(AN: How freakin' suggestive does that sound!? Okay, I digress…).** Bella looked exhausted, and I smiled at her. We'd made much progress, and figured many things out that we couldn't before. Much of our time had been spent sitting in chairs staring at each other, but eventually, Bella managed to discover how to control much of her power.

There were still glitches, ones that I was anxious to sort through, but I was grateful not to be impaired from my gift involuntarily anymore. Bella grinned apologetically at me and at Jasper, who looked extremely relieved.

_Thank God._ He gave an exasperated sigh and strolled back downstairs to be with Alice. I couldn't help but agreeing; thank God we could have some slight control over our own abilities now.

I looked at Bella again and noticed how black her eyes had become. I frowned. The practicing seemed to truly take its toll on her; I hoped we could help her control her gift soon enough, so that she wouldn't have to suffer so from it so much. And we wouldn't suffer, either, once she knew how to work the thing.

My mind wandered off through a beautiful garden of thoughts, once more entertaining images of Bella blocking my mind reading so we could spend time alone together… Reading, writing music, being together… I stopped myself there. _You don't deserve her! _I reminded myself.

With that, I invited her to go hunting with me. She looked grateful for the chance to go, what with her eyes being so dark and black… And we quickly left the house to escape through the green canopy, away from civilization.

As I ran alongside her, I couldn't help but return to the embrace she'd held me in not hours ago. It felt so perfect, so incredibly beautiful, beyond anything in my wildest imagination. It felt… it felt like something I'd never recognized before. I couldn't identify it, but I hoped with every fiber of my being that I could feel it over and over again for the rest of my existence.

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**And there it is, my lovely little darlings! Again, sorry if it's not so good. Writer's block, see.  
**

**A sunflower for all of you who review. Because sunflowers are awesome.**

**Cheerio,**

**-Mint.**


	14. Chapter 14

**Hello dears, I hope those of you who reviewed are all enjoying your sunflowers –hint-hint-.**

**Anyways, I tried out some new things with my writing this time, and I've been watching some stuff about Buddhist philosophies lately, so I decided to mix it in… please review and tell me what you think!**

**As you can tell I went with the Beatles for this one. Favorite song: Being for the Benefit of Mr Kite. And anyone who finds the two Beatles references I put in gets... uhm... I dnno an excerpt from the next chapter?  
**

**Enjoy!**

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**Bella Cullen, September 31st, 2007. 4:56 AM.  
**

We spent hours out hunting, Edward and I. Sometimes we would take a break, and sit on the edge of a cliff; by some ravine I had no idea existed. The sun had begun to set, leaving the sky a watercolour of pinks and oranges and blues. The moon was already partially out, waiting for it's cue to reign the horizon. My legs dangled over the edge, and Edward sat beside me. I stared down at the rocks and the rubble, at the small creek that ran at the bottom. Beautiful.

While sitting there, we'd talk about everything, anything. It frustrated me how, at times, it was so dreadfully awkward speaking with Edward. But at other times, words flowed between us like endless rain into a paper cup. Today we were both particularly talkative, and the topic of the moment was literature. It was often literature.

When we'd run out of subjects, we'd hunt. When we were tired of hunting, we'd sit and we'd talk. And the entire time I'd hate myself for wanting to be only by his side, for wanting to live in the hug that I'd pulled him in hours ago. Those hours had started to feel like days, and then months, and then years. It'd felt so long since I'd held him in my embrace.

_Stop it, Bella._ I reminded myself that I wasn't worth him. And that once, I'd hated him. These were the reasonings battling with my irrational want to touch Edward, to caress him. It was all wrong.

For he'd be promised to someone else, I was sure. He would find someone ten thousand times more beautiful than I, and smarter, and funnier, and more befitting of his godlike stature. He would find his angel. And it wouldn't be me.

How and where could I find someone for Edward to love? She'd have to be gorgeous of course. Gorgeous enough for him. And seductive, tenacious. Many things that I wasn't. Perhaps in Denali, when we would visit there, I could find someone for him.

And then, hopefully, along with love he could discover his soul. It had become so difficult to understand why he didn't think he had one, that within him there dwelled one such thing. I'd spent barely two weeks observing this new way of life, but already I'd noticed one infallible thing: that to these creatures-- and some day perhaps also to me-- time, space, and money meant nothing. They had all the time in the world, all the money, and all the space. It meant nothing. They were offered the perfect situation to free themselves completely of material desires, like the Buddhists had done, and to exist in a state of purity more than anything many people could ever hope to come close to. They could live in perfect harmony with their souls.

Yet here was Edward, a remarkable man with a beautiful mind, but seemingly, no soul. Not to his beliefs, anyways. And it disturbed me more than anything about this new reality; he'd lived over a century and in all this time he'd declined to admit it existed.

It frightened me, also. Yes, I was now a vampire as well. But I hadn't witnessed that darker side of this life; the ones who killed humans, who lived on human blood. It scared me that observing that aspect, experiencing it one day, would condemn me to the soul-less state Edward believed he was in. Maybe that was why he didn't believe.

If I could cry, I would've. There was so much I didn't yet know about being what I was, and it scared me far too much. It scared me that maybe Edward was right; maybe he'd seen or done things that truly tore apart any beliefs of the soul he might've had. I shivered to think that perhaps one day that'd happen to me; and I too would find myself in a supposed soul-less situation.

I refused to let it happen. It wouldn't. And if it did, I would _still_ have a soul! It couldn't be any other way.

By the time we'd sated our thirst, the sun was rising. It was far too bright out, not cloudy enough for my family to attend school. I was grateful that nature had granted me just a little more time with Edward. I told myself to stop thinking so obsessively about my soul, about his; to stop worrying and to simply spend time with him while I could. Soon enough I'd find him someone to call his love, and perhaps then it would be slightly harder to spend such long hours together.

"Bella, Bella, Bella. What are we going to do with you?" Edward was leaning back on his hands, his long legs trailing over the cliff, staring at me with the most curious expression on his face. The sun was barely bright enough to make his skin shimmer.

Confused, I replied, "What do you mean?"

"Never before have I seen _anyone_ so deep in though so much of the time! What goes on in that head of yours?! It aches not to know!" That was when I nailed the expression he wore; it was wonder. He was looking at me… in wonder.

What on earth had I done to deserve his wonderment? I didn't quite know. I wished he could look at me like that more often. _Bella. Stop it now._ But there went the voice in my head again; reminding me exactly how little I had to do with this. How little the chance was that maybe one day… we'd be together. _Shutupshutupshutupshutup._

I looked away and laughed slightly, staring up at the rising sun on the horizon.

"Edward, I have no idea what you're talking about."

"I think you do."

My head snapped back to look at his face when he said those words so matter-of-factly, and his golden eyes were warm, inviting. Oh, how I wished I could lean in and kiss him. …_ARE YOU INSANE?!_ Of course, my voice stopped me and I quickly broke out of my reverie.

"C'mon, let's go." I stood up, and so did he. It seemed as if he wanted to continue this conversation, but I wouldn't let him. Time to go.

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**Edward Cullen, September 31st, 2007. 5:21 AM.  
**

It is universally known that watching sunsets and sunrises with a beautiful woman should most usually end with a kiss that defies and overcomes all pre-existing expectations of what exactly a good kiss means. It never came.

What vexed me most about this was that I had no right whatsoever to want her, to wish for that kiss. I still saw myself very much as a soul-less monster, and I would be even more so a monster if I went and took her. I didn't deserve her. This is what I would tell myself again, and again, and again, until we would go to Denali.

Tanya could prove to be enough of a distraction, I hoped. I wasn't worth much more than she. I wasn't worth Bella. It would've happened sooner or later, Tanya and I. Why try and fight it now?

Either way, it broke my heart when the perfect moment for the kiss that I didn't deserve passed, and she stood up, saying "C'mon, let's go."

I hurriedly got to my feet, and we hunted one last time before racing back to the house. Running side by side with her, the wind blowing through my hair, I wished moments like these could never end. They did, though. They always did.

And so when we entered the house she grinned at me one last time, that beautiful grin, before it was no longer only us, and the rest of the world existed again. Emmett was watching a football game. _I could totally take them. _I rolled my eyes at his thoughts.. To my complete and utter surprise, Bella's eyes lit up in excitement and she plopped down on the couch next to him.

"What's the score?!"

Emmett grinned and slid further into the couch, "Daaaaamn, Bells. You never cease to amaze."

I stared in complete disbelief as they bantered on about the teams, and then shook my head as I went off to find Carlisle. We had something to discuss, him and I.

I recoiled as I heard his thoughts sounding from his office. He wasn't alone, though. Esme was in there with him. I shuddered and hurried to my room, finding some music to drown them out but calm me down at the same time; too many thoughts were flying about my brain. I decided on the Beatles… Nothing like Sgt Pepper for lonely hearts.

I retreated to my bed, to stare at my ceiling, like Bella'd done. I needed to pacify these errant images flitting about my brain like wild hummingbirds…

It was very simply, really. I wanted Bella. I had no right to take Bella. I didn't deserve Bella. Therefore, I should have to settle for something less than Bella. Or someone. Someone like Tanya. I could learn to love her, and that was the way it should be.

And we had to hurry over to Denali before it got any worse, before it became that much harder for me to stop entertaining thoughts about Bella and myself.

I didn't want to put Bella under any dangerous situations, though. She wasn't ready to be around people, she wouldn't be for another year. Could she make the trip to Denali? Even including the incident of the other day, she'd shown remarkable ability to not be so extremely obsessed with… well, blood. She did hunt often, which was natural, but she managed amazingly well. Perhaps she'd be ready within the month!

And I knew that the sooner we got to Denali, the better. For all of us.

I stopped the music then, to check on Carlisle. Hopefully his…activity had ceased. I cleared my throat slightly as I knocked on his door, and heard the quiet "Come in." Esme was nowhere to be seen, and for this I was grateful.

"What's wrong, Edward?" Carlisle spoke the minute I stepped in the room.

Was the troubled look on my face truly that obvious?

"Carlisle… We need to go to Denali as soon as possible."

At this, his expression became rather pensive as he lent back in his chair, his fingertips touching each other and suspended in front of him.

"Why so soon, Edward? And do you think Bella can make such a journey…?"

I sat down carefully, and let out a sigh before speaking again.

"I think she's ready. I think she can make it. And I need to be in Denali. Within a

month."

_Edward, I can see what you're doing. I don't like it. You're very transparent about this whole business, you know. I can see. It isn't good for you. And I'm not so sure she will be ready then._

"Carlisle, this has nothing to do with what you think, I swear."

He raised his eyebrows, "Fine. We'll see how she fares in a month. Then, we'll leave."

"Thank you, Carlisle."

I rose to leave, but he interrupted me, "But Edward…"

_Be careful, son._

"I know what I'm doing. Please, trust me."

_Fine. Fine. Okay. I believe you._

_  
_I grimaced as I left the room, and in the hallway I happened upon a picturesque little pixie looking at me with pity.

_I can see what you're going to do, Edward. You can't. You're an idiot if you truly believe this is how things should be._

I growled, "Stay out of this, Alice."

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**Okay I know it's a short one, I'm sorry, but writer's block is eating me alive.**

**As for all of this decision-making by Edward and Bella, it's horrible I know, and I hate Tanya too, but please have some faith. Love overcomes all obstacles. Even the vampire-whore-shaped ones.**

**As I said, I tried out some new writing techniques in this one; have you noticed? If you have or have not, either way, REVIEW PLEASE!**

**Thanks guys… Peace and love,**

**-Mint!**


	15. Chapter 15

**Hello lovelies!**

**Here is a little filler chapter of a certain scheme erupting from a certain little pixie with a plan! It's short, but it's crucial, and I'm a bit stuck about where to go next, so suggestions are helpful.**

**Cheers to anyone who's reviewed more than 5 times.**

**Onwards!**

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**Alice Cullen, September 31st, 2007. 4:49 AM.  
**

I was with Jasper when I saw Edward. Some moments are best not spoiled by me going into a rigid daze, seeing strange things about my brother and the woman who's been chasing after him for years. I'm sure Jasper could agree.

"Alice? Alice, what's wrong?" Jasper stilled above me and then shifted away. I could barely hear him.

I only saw glimmers of what was to come, little shards of a spying mirror. Edward and Tanya. Edward alone, wallowing. Edward with Bella. Bella sobbing tearlessly. It confused me beyond all belief. _Edward with Tanya?! Nonsense!_

"Alice…" Jasper was huddled at the corner of the bed, staring at me with concern. I smiled and moved toward him, snuggling up against his frame.

"I'm worried about Edward." I whispered into his chest.

"I can feel it. What did you see?" He kissed my hair and waited patiently. This had happened too many times for him to be upset or mad about it.

"I don't know, it's all so confusing. What I'm seeing makes me think he doesn't _want_ to do what he's going to…" I stilled and a thousand little thoughts went through my mind, though they all centered around a single solitary question; what was Edward _thinking_?

"What did you see, love?" He gently brought my face up to look into my eyes. He did had such beautiful golden eyes…

"I saw… I don't know, it's all so confusing… I see him with Tanya… But then… I see Bella. I just don't understand what he wants, _who_ he wants."

Jasper frowned, pensive. "Perhaps I should've explained earlier to you what I feel emancipating from both of them when they're in a room together. It's almost unlike anything I've ever seen, it's so strange. There's absolute loathing… But not for each other, or for anyone else… For themselves, Alice. They both seem to loathe themselves. It's not new for Edward, but I don't know Bella well. It's bizarre, though, because I can only feel these pangs of antipathy, of self-deprecation, after short moments of love, and passion. It's some never-ending rollercoaster of feelings. It's the strangest thing I've ever encountered, and it confuses me far too much. It almost makes me feel sick."

"Poor you," I kissed his collarbone softly as I considered the thousands of options; what on Earth could all this mean? It was such a haphazard puzzle! "First I go all freaky on you, and then Edward and Bella make you sick!"

He chuckled, "It's not so bad."

His face was contorted in frustration, though. I'm sure mine was, too. "And what do you think it means?" He asked quietly.

I was quiet for a moment, before I spoke hesitantly, "We both know Edward. It's really just a case of… what would Edward do? Obviously he hates himself… And if I'm not mistaken he's falling for Bella. It would be cute. If they both didn't hate themselves for liking each other. And he's spoken with Carlisle already about Denali… Where Tanya is…"

"It doesn't fit… Do you think he means to succumb to Tanya after all?"

My eyebrows raised, I shook my head, "And he'd lasted so long. Do you think he's doing it _because_ he hates himself? God, how pathetic."

"Hmmm. Poor Edward."

"Jasper, he doesn't deserve your pity! We need to knock some sense into him!"

He laughed as I jumped up (still very naked,) and exclaimed, "That's the plan, Jasper. Edward and Bella. Yes!" I was victorious!

He tugged me down by my arm, "Shhhh, they can hear you, for Christ's sake, Alice! And how are you going to keep this from Edward?"

I smirked, "I'll find a way."

"It's not a good idea to mess with Edward's head."

"But don't you see?! If we don't do anything, he'll end up with Tanya! He'll be even _more_ miserable and I'm willing to bet that Bella will be, too!"

He groaned, "Okay, okay… Enough. We'll do it. Edward and Bella. Okay. But for right now, if you don't mind, where were we exactly before that little interruption…?" He grinned suggestively and flipped my small frame over.

With that, a wave of lust, passion for this Greek God with his arms around me hit me like a blast of cool wind, and I giggled, "Jasper, you know that's not fair…"

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**Sorry it's so short, I just wanted to do a single Alice PoV. The rest'll all be Edward or Bella.**

**I'll update soon, maybe tomorrow, and reviews are appreciated.**

**Cheerio,**

**Mint!**


	16. Chapter 16

**Okay, okay, here we go. I added another Alice PoV.  
**

**For those of you who like strange prose in relation to Mother Earth, perhaps you'd like to read my latest one-shot, Calyx of Spring. It's a bit trippy, though. Be warned.**

**Big thanks to all my lovely reviewers, and the story is now up to 10000 hits! I don't know if that's good in comparison to other stories, but 10000 seemed like a pretty big number, don't you think? YAY!**

**Music: I'm feeling particularly old school with The Cure, Billy Idol, Tears for Fears, Dead or Alive... Yep.**

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**Bella Cullen, September 31st, 2007. 6:19 PM. **

I sat with Emmett for quite a while after Edward stalked off to do God knows what. After the game, I absentmindedly watched the news alongside Emmett, while pondering about the hunt.

I was past the stage of self-loathing; it'd gotten to the point where I didn't matter anymore. I was simply the tool that would lead to Edward's happiness; I would help Edward love someone.

I looked over at Emmett, concentrating on the TV-screen, and wondered what he could offer me as information about Edward. Ever since the incident, Emmett had become somewhat my confidante. Not only was he the one who'd saved me initially, but also, his simple view on things gave a strange insight that I myself could never find, mainly because I over-thought and over-analyzed every aspect of every detail.

And so, I pursued the subject of… Edward.

"Emmett… has Edward ever been with anyone?"

Emmett chuckled, and turned to me, "Guess he never told you about Denali?"

Denali? Perfect! I deliberately ignored the twinge of disappointment I felt deep inside me, and concentrated instead on the fact that perhaps I could find someone for Edward there. I just needed to know whom, and Emmett could help.

"Nope, enlighten me, oh holy Emmett!" I grinned briefly and waited.

"Y'know, Bells, more people should worship me like that. I would do the world a lot of good!"

I laughed, shaking my head, "Sure, sure. Tell me 'bout Denali, Emmett."

He grinned evilly, "Loooong story. Yeah… See, in Denali, you've got Irina, Carmen, Kate, Eleazar, and Tanya. So, Carmen and Eleazar are companions, and the other three… Heh, the other three are pretty special. Have you ever heard of the sirens, the succubae myths?" He paused, and I nodded. "Well, that's _them_."

"What?!"

"No, I'm serious, _they're_ the original sirens. And, well, our family's been to Denali quite a few times. So one of them, she took a liking to good old Edward. That was Tanya. She's quite a piece of work! Of course, Edward wasn't really interested."

This confused me, "What? Why not?"

Emmett looked around and then leaned in, "Bella, I swear to God if you say anything about this you'll have me to deal with, but every single one of us has wondered at one point or another whether or not Edward is…well, you know…"

"You mean Edward is g…" Emmett clamped a hand over my mouth just before I said it. Could it be? No. It was impossible!

"Bella, _shut up!_ Jesus! He's not gay! We just don't know why he hasn't found anyone yet. Rose and I both think he should just get with Tanya, really…" He whispered hurriedly.

My mind was spinning; this was unexpected! But at least there was someone there. At least I had someone for him. And she was beautiful and it would be perfect.

I warded the disappointment away; I ignored the falling feeling I suffered as I listened to this and devised my plan. I decided to forever lock away the part of me that yearned for _me_ to be the one reserved for Edward, for me to be the one he would spend the rest of his days with. Because it wouldn't be me. It would be this Tanya, this beautiful creature in Denali.

_Why, why, why are you doing this, Bella? You don't even know her…is she so much better than you?_ I shut that voice out, as well. Locked it away with that small piece of my heart. I was doing this because Edward deserved to be with someone worthy of him, and because I wasn't that person; I would get over this better if I saw how happy he would be with Tanya.

"So, tell me, 'cause I'm quite curious; why do you care?" Emmett wiggled his eyebrows at me.

Uncomfortable with the spotlight on my answer, I hesitantly said, "I don't know… I just thought it was strange why he's alone…I guess."

Emmett's eyes grew wide, "No way. No freaking way. Bella! You like Edward!"

"What?! No!"

Skeptically, he said, "Oh, really. Then why do you care?"

"…I just think…maybe… Edward should be with someone. Don't you?"

Emmett grinned, "You liiiiike him."

"Emmett, I'm stronger than you. Shut up. I don't like him."

The challenge wiped the grin from his face, "Oh, it's on."

"Emmett, I really don't feel like arm-wrestling you."

"Fine, then tell me what this is about."

I groaned, "Emmett, you are so _annoying_!"

"Bella…" He threatened and rose from his seat.

"Okay, okay, sit down, I'll tell you."

He sat back down and crossed his arms, waiting.

I rolled my eyes before speaking, "I think we should get Edward and Tanya together. I think he deserves to be with someone."

His eyebrows shot up in surprise, "Uhm… Okay… That was unexpected. Why on earth do you want to do that, Bells?"

"Because, Emmett, she sounds perfect for him and he's been alone for way too long!"

He shook his head, "Believe me Bella, we've tried. We really have. If you succeed in getting him with Tanya…Damn…"

"Emmett, please will you help me? You know him well!"

A mischievous smile lit up on his face, as if he knew something that I didn't. "This isn't a good idea, Bella. But I suppose, since he's been alone way too long… I guess I can help."

I grinned, "Thanks, you're the best."

It was perfect; Edward and Tanya would be together when we got to Denali, and I would finally rid myself of this ridiculous obsession I had with him. And that little piece of my soul, that one tiny fissure of me that wished for Edward to be mine, to call him my soul mate… That piece would just have to remain silenced.

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**Alice Cullen, September 31st, 2007. 6:52 PM.  
**

As I hunted, I reminisced what I could do to fix this "Edward situation." I knew him too well and knew he was far too stubborn to change his mind; he was intent on dooming himself to unhappiness. I soon realized that my only hope would be Bella.

I'd have to convince her, of course, that Tanya was no good for Edward, that Edward and her belonged together, and that he wanted her. All of them were truths, of course.

But both of them were too ignorant to see any of these truths. It would become up to me to make sure that neither of them were condemned to an existence of misery; Edward because of Tanya, and Bella because of Edward.

I shuddered upon imagining what it could do to our family if Tanya were to join us for Edward. How awful!

This was going to be difficult, but I knew it was up to me to make it work. It would be Edward and Bella, or it would be misery for all of us. All I had to do was make sure it was the first and not the latter.

God knows how hard this was going to be.

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**Bella Cullen, September 31st, 2007. 9:05 PM.**

Alice caught up with me in my room a little while later. She had a slightly impish look about her, but was silent as she entered and sat on my bed.

I raised an eyebrow at her, "What is it, Alice?"

"Are you excited about Denali?" She flashed me a grin.

I managed to sputter, "I…how… what do you know?!"

She rolled her eyes, "Sometimes I think people forget what I can see, Bella dear. You, especially. I just want you to know, I don't approve of your little…plan."

"And why is that? I just want Edward to be happy."

Alice laughed, "Trust me, Bella, he will _not_ be happy. Don't think I don't know!" She tapped the side of her head as she said this, at her temple.

"Well, tell me what you know." I didn't understand why Alice wouldn't want Edward to be with Tanya; she seemed perfect, to me.

"Bella, I understand that you want Edward to be happy. I don't appreciate that you loathe yourself too much to go for him yourself because you'd be perfect for each other, but trying to get him with Tanya is not the answer. There are a lot of things that you don't know about Tanya, trust me."

I bit my lip to escape the small sob that might've escaped; it was quite an accusation she'd laid upon me. I looked down.

"Oh, Bella, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that… I just don't think what you're trying to do will make _anyone_ happy, least of all Edward!" She moved towards me and wrapped her arms around me as I stared down at the covers of my bed.

"Well, what am I supposed to do, Alice? He's too perfect to be alone and he's too perfect to be with me!"

"Bella, there are so many things you see wrongly about yourself. You're smart and beautiful, you really are!"

I shook my head, "I'm really not, Alice. I'm not."

She rolled her eyes, "Bella! I seriously am not going to let you sit around and hate yourself like this! Now what are we going to do to make Edward fall for you, because I truly think you two belong together."

I shook my head and laughed humorlessly, "Alice, you truly are delusional if you think I belong with Edward."

She lifted my chin with her hand and looked at me intently, "Okay, then maybe I am delusional. But something is wrong with you if you don't see how he looks at you."

My heart fluttered when she said that, and that little bit of me that I'd yearned to lock away, that I'd forced to hide in the furthest corner of my mind jumped back to life, screaming at me that perhaps I could do this, perhaps somehow my dream could come true and I could be with Edward. And that he could be happy with me.

I smiled, "Fine. Let's do this."

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**Yay for Alice!**

**Yay for the reviews you're all going to send in!**

**Yay for my one-shot you're going to read even though it's weird!**

**Yay!**

**-Mint.**


	17. Chapter 17

**Bella Cullen, October 24th****, 2007. 5:57 PM.**

The following weeks, after Alice's plan came to life, passed without much incident. Perhaps because we hadn't the slightest idea how to set this plan in motion.

Emmett spoke nothing of our design to pull Edward and Tanya together; I had this slight feeling that perhaps Alice had spoken to him, or that he'd gotten the picture that Tanya with Edward wasn't such an entertaining image anymore. I wasn't quite sure if Rosalie knew, or what she thought of it.

The one big change I'd experienced because of Alice's help was this, though; I permitted myself to feel freely. I allowed myself to admire Edward, to feel affection for him. When we would hunt together, or run through the woods together, or even sit and play our instruments together, creating sweet sweet strains of music that lingered in the air hours after we'd completed the arrangements… I embraced and basked in every full-fledged thought that came to me about Edward.

The little piece of my heart that I'd tried so desperately to lock away rebelled, and the riot that it brought along with it's confession of love made living this existence all the more content.

I spent much more time with Alice, too, thanks to our new agreement, and came to know more about Tanya and more about Edward, information that helped me understand Edward's reasoning behind being with her when we would reach Denali. But the more Alice told me, the more I believed that she could never make him happy.

I spoke nothing to him of it, of course. Though I'd become eager to convince him that Tanya was not for him, it was difficult to bring the subject up when he never spoke of her. Because of this, I wondered if perhaps his notion to be with her had passed. And we did speak of so many things lately; with my revelation of my feelings for him, the awkward silences and uncomfortable moments seemed to fade entirely, leaving only time for pleasantry; intellectual conversations while staring at the stars, some hours where we'd say nothing but lie on his bed and listen to album after album of music long forgotten.

For some reason, I wasn't uncomfortable with my silent adoration for Edward. Oddly, it seemed as if all I had to do was wait, all I had to do was be patient, and things would work out the way they should be.

Of course, at times, when I wasn't with my new family, and I ambled alone through the green of the forest, I would hate myself for assuming I was good enough for Edward. But if Alice saw me, which she usually did, she would always manage to find some way to cheer me up. However, her idea of cheering up consisted of shopping for many little bits of lace and unmentionables; she would come back with bags and bags of the stuff, most of it some shade of blue, which she said complimented my skin. The waste aggravated me beyond belief; in my opinion, I had no business knowing what Victoria was so Secretive about.

Another great improvement that came with the days was my thirst; I no longer needed to hunt every day. It was now only every other day that I the parched feeling in my throat would ache too much for me to continue. Carlisle'd told me it was remarkable how quick my progress was made, and it made the entire family more confident about me venturing further and further from the house.

But when I realized that in a matter of two short weeks, we would be preparing for the trip to Denali, I panicked. So much was yet to be done! The move to Denali would not only signify the true ending of my life as Bella Swan, the human who lived in Chicago. It also meant that Tanya was nigh; it had become time to act out "the plan." The plan that wasn't even truly in existence yet.

I was thinking about this in my room, half-reading The Unbearable Lightness of Being, half envisioning the change that was about to come. I bit my lip at the thought of Edward with Tanya. I had no idea what she looked like, except for the strawberry blond hair and the extreme beauty…

What could I do? How could I do this? Alice must've realized I would be worrying, what with the move to Denali closer within our grasp, because she entered my room with a grin on her face and some new bags full of unnecessary clothing. I groaned.

"Alice, do you know how many sweat-shops you are keeping in business by buying me all of this over-priced paraphernalia that I'll probably never get to wear before you show up with yet another batch of the stuff?"

She rolled her eyes, "Bella, don't be so dramatic! This is a _special_ occasion!"

"Just like all the other ten thousands times…" I muttered.

She dropped the bags and plopped down on my bed, staring at me intently, "Bella, you do realize we're leaving in a week or so, and you still have no idea what to do."

It was true. I still had no idea how I was going to let Edward know what I felt. So I told Alice so.

Her reply was quite straightforward; "Bella, I've seen you two together. I don't know when, but I know it's not far away, and it looks beautiful. He's changed so much already, you know. He smiles and he laughs. He's awakened in a way none of us can recognize. It's all because of you, Bella!"

"Yeah, well, he still hates himself enough to think he's supposed to be with Tanya."

Alice grimaced, "All in due time, Bella. All in due time. Either way, you're doing brilliantly. You two are so cute together!"

If I were human, I would blush. Instead, I bit my lip and I looked down. "We're not together, Alice. He still thinks he should be with Tanya," I whispered.

"Oh, Bella, don't worry… I've _seen_ it with my very own two eyes, you both are meant for each other. He just loathes himself too much at the moment to realize! Once he gets to Denali and realizes what he feels and how horrible Tanya would be for him, all you have to do is be there for him and I _promise _you, it'll be okay."

I smiled, "Thanks, Alice. What would I do without you?"

"You know, I honestly don't know! The world would be such a miserable place without me." Alice sat up straight with a smug expression, and I giggled.

"Nicely done, Alice."

"Psh, you know you love me. Now, try on these lovely new jeans I found for you."

I groaned. The shopping would never end!

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**Edward Cullen, October 24****th****, 2007. 5:57 PM.**

The more I spent my days with Bella, the more I realized how necessary it was for me to go to Tanya. Every minute of every hour I spent in the tedious prison of a school I attended, Bella's face would flash before my eyes and I would loathe myself for wanting to claim her.

Perched on a slab of rock, far away from civilization, I searched deep through my self, in conquest of an answer to some unspoken question I couldn't quite grasp.

If I could be with Tanya… I wouldn't have to feel guilty. I wouldn't have to hate myself for taking someone as pure and as good as Bella. No, Bella would be reserved for only the best of men, the holiest, someone who truly deserved her.

Bella and I… We would seek each other out and play music for hours together. When our fingers were on the verge of falling off, we'd go and we'd hunt until the stars and the moon shone in the sky. Then we'd lie by the cliff and stare up into the heavens at the midnight horizon and the world would seem so incredibly at peace, as if it could stay the same way for all eternity and all would stay well.

Then, when the stars would disappear and be replaced with fresh dusk, we'd return to the house and say our goodbyes so that I could put out my human façade, and she could retreat into her own little world until I returned. Then we would continue our little routine all over again, and I would smile as I thought of it. It was the most beautiful time I'd ever had the pleasure to experience.

But the move to Denali was dawning in on us, in only a week. No one was worried about the journey; not even Bella. She'd amazed us all, after the little incident at the baseball field, with her will power not to feed of humans. To me, it simply added to the image of her being my angel, even though I knew I'd have to say goodbye to it all sometime soon.

In a sense, I wished more than ever that I could simply spend the rest of my existence with her. But I felt I only merited punishment for my miserable life, for the way I'd led some years of it. The things I'd seen and done… There was no redemption for that.

Every moment I'd spent with Bella up until now, though, was bliss. I tried to commit to memory and grasp completely onto my last moments of paradise before I could condemn myself to my righteous place in this constant cycle of good and evil.

I took a deep breath and stood up from the rock on which I rested to return to the house, to live out the following days with Bella as wonderfully as I could before my life would take to it's newer and more painful course.

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**Hi dears :) It's sort of a good but sort of a bad chapter. Bella's coming along, Edward is decidedly NOT.**

**But have some faith!**

**So anyways I updated as soon as I could, but I'd like to know if you think it's going too fast, if you think it's going too slow, how many chapters you still expect out of this thing...? I don't know, I'm still pretty new to this. **

**But yeah. Thanks for the reviews, everyone! If you like my writing, and you're interested in imagery and philosophy in writing, perhaps check out my short little one-shot called Calyx of Spring. Okay, enough self-advertisement. **

**Again, a review would be nice.**

**Cheerio,**

**-Mint.**


	18. Chapter 18

**I know it's a short one, but I've been nursing a hang-over and I'm pretty busy these days. Sorry :)  
**

**Reviews are always good, so are reviews for my other story Calyx of Spring, though it's a bit difficult and strange, or my very very latest, What's Under the Floorboard, a story of Angela Weber's daughter returning to Bella's house in Forks... Please?  
**

**Music would be The Roots, some Pete Murray, a bit of Interpol. Enjoy :)**

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Edward Cullen, October 24****th****, 2007. 6:09 PM.**

I slowed my pace down on my way back to the house when I realized I hadn't thoroughly considered every event of the past weeks. I'd forgotten to factor in Alice. My tiny little pixie of a sister. For the past few weeks, all I'd heard from her was Bella this, Tanya that. She had some delusion in her head that Bella and I belonged together, but I knew better. I knew her well enough to know that she would think of Bella and I together forever and ever, if she was convinced that it would stop me from going to Tanya.

Part of me hoped that perhaps she'd truly seen us together, in a happy future, free of troubles and worries. And then immediately I would find myself guilty for wishing it, and for wanting so much to take away Bella's future for the sake of my own happiness. I'd done it once before; I'd taken her life for my own gratification. I couldn't bear to do it again. Bella was worth so much more than me and my miserable excuse of an existence.

And so, at an extremely human rate, I walked around the house. Twice. Alice, Alice, Alice. Such strange things she always saw, such odd distortions of reality. It made me wonder, quite often, what was real and what wasn't; what plane of consciousness did I really exist on?

I chuckled to myself as I reluctantly headed to the front door; I sounded like a hippie on an LSD trip.

The one thing I was sure of, though, was that--regardless of whether or not Alice was sincere in her thoughts of Bella and I--it could never happen. I felt sad when I thought of it, but there it was. So I would enter this house and continue to be nothing more than a friend to Bella. I took a deep breath and stepped inside, wishing to rid myself of my incessant worrying.

_They look so happy when they're together… I don't understand what Edward is doing, though… _Esme was in her room, painting. And thinking of me, apparently. I pinched the bridge of my nose with my hand; Bella's face floated around in Esme's head, along with mine. All of them had such crazed delusions about Bella and myself. All of it unnecessary, because nothing could or would every happen between us two.

_You wish it did, though._ I groaned as my own little internal voice taunted me; but wishing about things wouldn't make them happen. In this case, it was better that way.

When I got to my room I immediately went in search of music that would stop the cogs in my head from working so furiously. Nothing seemed to work, all of it reminded me too much of _her_. Eventually I zeroed in on The Bravery, and threw the disc into my stereo, blasting it nice and loud. Then, I looked for the least romantic book I could find; A Clockwork Orange.

Completely prepared to think of nothing whatsoever but concentrate fully on reading this book, I sprawled out on my bed and intensively started reading.

It took me about 20 minutes to realize I hadn't gotten to the bottom of the page. Instead, I stared at the same spot and re-read the same sentence again and again, my eyebrows creased into a furrowed line as I tried and tried not to think of Bella.

Unfortunately, the CD had ended and my stereo switched on to the next one; a mix I'd made. The first song was Lovesong, by the Cure. _Whenever I'm alone with you… You make me feel like I am whole again…_ I groaned and cursed Robert Smith to the deepest pits of hell. This wasn't working. I had to get her out of my head!

Ironically enough, a knock came on the door. I knew who it was, because I heard no thoughts, except for my own. As if my thoughts had beckoned her to me.

"Come in, Bella."

Slowly, she opened the door and edged into the room, a small smile on her glorious face.

"The Cure, Edward?"

I tried to grin, "I'm afraid so, yes."

She came in and sat very comfortably on my couch, her eyes in some far off place, "I used to listen to them over and over again, when I was young. They never seem to get old."

I didn't quite know what to say, so I just went "Mmm." I then stood up and put on the CD I'd put on the time we'd had our first real conversation; the one where she forgave me. She was an angel then and she'd remained so ever since.

She smiled and tucked her legs underneath her, "I love this mix. It's so soothing."

I sat myself on the couch next to her, resisting the urge to touch her. "We should write something like this."

She nodded, "We should. Who would sing, though? I can't."

"I can sing."

"You can?"

"My mother taught me, a long time ago."

Her eyes twinkled with excitement, "I'll go get my guitar."

She flashed out of the room in a second, and returned, guitar in hand, pick in the other.

We spent the rest of the evening writing the chord progressions. When we were finished, we realized how hard the lyrics would be.

"It needs to mean something, don't you think?" She'd mused, magnificent face in a trance, seeking for the words to express what neither of us couldn't really say.

It made me wonder what secrets she had, what her thoughts were. I'd gotten used to not hearing her. When we were together, I'd get used to not hearing any thoughts at all, thanks to her gift. But it didn't alleviate any frustration towards not knowing what her notions were…about me.

"Should it be a love song?" Her eyes flashed to mine when she said this. It would've sent shivers down my spine—if that were possible.

"Yes, I think maybe it should be. I dunno."

"What about love, though?" She wondered aloud.

I looked down at my hands as I said, slowly, "Unrequited love…?"

I felt her eyes on me as she replied, "Or just unspoken love."

"Or… whether someone deserves love, or not."

"How can someone not deserve love? Everyone deserves love."

I laughed dryly, "No, not everyone."

"You're ridiculous. Who do you know who doesn't deserve love?"

I wouldn't tell her. It would be wrong of me. So, instead; "Just people."

"You're bizarre, Edward."

I chuckled," Perhaps. So what are we writing this song about?"

"Let's not write about love."

"About what, then?" I tried not to sound disappointed.

Eventually we decided we'd write lyrics later, when we would come up with something worthwhile. I still hoped it would be a love song. _It could be your love song._ I groaned and brought my hand to the bridge of my nose yet again; this little voice was rebelling against the rules I'd set for myself, and I didn't like it. Or, well, I couldn't afford to like it. Not now, not ever. Because Denali was nearing in on us.

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**Bella Swan, October 24th, 2007. 9:****21**** PM.**

I went to hunt alone that night, more out of confusion than thirst. I was confused. Incredibly so. Speaking with Edward about our song, what we'd just written…and then what he'd said; "whether someone deserves love or not."

I couldn't understand what kind of a person didn't deserve love. Love in any shape or form. Everyone, no matter how evil or cold, should experience love. The wicked ones needed love more than the rest, really.

But did Edward think he didn't deserve love? Did he think he was too evil for love? I struggled to wrap my mind around the concept of Edward being malevolent, or cruel. It was impossible. How could he see himself like that? What had happened for him to loathe himself so very much?

Did he still blame himself for changing me? I hoped that with my forgiveness he could also learn to forgive himself. Apparently, that didn't work.

And now he was so ridiculous to assume he didn't deserve love. I wished I could show him how to love with every particle of his mind and body and soul. Something clicked in my head then; his soul!

It was like a vicious circle; he didn't think he had a soul, perhaps he needed a soul to love, perhaps if he could love he could discover that he did indeed have a soul. But he didn't think he deserved to love. How frustrating! I almost screamed out in aggravation at this stream of thought I couldn't rid myself of.

I would teach him how to love, I decided. He was too incredible to not know love. I smiled; it would all come together. As Alice had said, "All in due time."

The song would be a love song, after all.

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**Cheerio,**

**-Mint.**


	19. Chapter 19

**So, I know it's short, but I don't have time. I've started a new story that I've been working on as well, I have a lot of tests this week I need to study for, and updating might take a bit longer nowadays because I need to study for exams, as well. I'll try finish this story before then, though. At least I don't wait two weeks to update each time, right.**

**Music: Slightly Stoopid.**

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**Bella Cullen, November 1st, 2007. 5:53 PM.**

About week later, we were all packing up to head out to Denali. We'd be leaving that night, and driving over night, when there weren't so many drivers on the streets. Edward and I had neglected our song writing, opting instead for hunting together as a break from planning our move. It saddened me slightly to be leaving the Chicago area, to the great unknown. I'd never been to Alaska; I didn't know what Denali would be like.

And Tanya would be there. It frightened me to think of the fact that I would soon have to be whole-heartedly fighting to keep Edward away from her. Recently, Alice had convinced me that having Edward with Tanya would be the worst possible outcome for everyone in the family. I'd not only made it my mission to protect him from her for my own selfish reasons, but because I didn't want my new family to suffer because of it.

Alice'd been obsessively shopping and planning, shopping and planning. Some of it she'd see ahead of time, some of it she'd make up as she went along. All of it revolved around Edward and myself. We'd drive up to Denali together, with the rest tailing us. When he had to stop for gas, I'd be with Alice to give her the feedback. I groaned at the thought of it, but the switching was for the sake of my thirst.

I'd been hunting for two days straight, making sure I was as fed and as sated as I could possibly be. I didn't want to take any risks whilst driving up to Denali.

I let out a deep breath as I retreated from my 9th deer of the day. Edward had just appeared from another part of the forest, eyes a deep gold, a grin on his glorious face. How I wished I could hold him… And kiss him. Why not, though?

I slowly took a step towards him, and he took one towards me. If I had a heart, it would be racing. The voice in my head was screaming, _not yet! NOT YET!_ But I didn't listen; if this happened, I'd be one step closer to keeping him from Tanya.

But I heard a rustle in the leaves then, and the scent of a grizzly bear hit me. The scent was too tempting; it distracted us both immediately.

"Do you want it?" Edward asked quietly as we both stalked towards the trail.

"Share?" I whispered back, ever so quietly.

He nodded, and we pounced. A couple minutes later we emerged, smiling at one another. He brought his fist to mine, smugly, and we decided to head back to the house. There was still a lot of work to do before we took off that night.

When we arrived, a U-haul truck had showed up at the house, and Emmett was busy lifting some furniture into the back. Most of it would be donated to the homeless shelter; we only took most of our essentials, like clothing and personal items. Edward went off to tend to his piano, and I went to fetch my guitar and my suitcases. I had clothes, all of my music, and my guitar. The rest would stay behind; we had enough money to buy it all ten times over.

Alice waltzed out of the house then, excitement riddled on her faerie face.

"Are you ready?" She asked as she bounced up and down at my side.

"Yep, as ready as I can be. Any updates?"

She furrowed her eyebrows in concentration for a moment, "Nope, you're still together."

I felt butterflies fluttering around in my stomach when I heard this. It was a strange sensation, one I didn't think I'd still feel after being turned. But there it was, and made me even more aware of the fact that I'd soon be spending hours on end in a car with only Edward. Totally alone.

It also peeved me slightly that Alice was so sure it would all work, and Tanya would be kept from Edward. It frustrated me how thick he could be about being with her, but I knew it was because he felt guilty. I couldn't blame him for feeling guilty.

"What am I going to do when Tanya throws herself at him?" I whispered to her anxiously.

She looked over at Edward quickly.

"Don't worry, he can't hear anything." I grinned. My power was proving to be useful.

"Let's get out of here, just in case." Alice grabbed my hand and together we ran through the woods together, to a little clearing where we would often sit and talk. Edward wouldn't follow us; he was courteous enough not to.

"Tell me all, Bella." Alice sat down on the grass and waited patiently.

I set myself down slowly on the grass and sat silently for a moment.

"It's just…" I began… "I wanted to kiss him so much just now. But I didn't. A grizzly got in the way."

"Uhm, Bella, that's a good thing."

"But what if when we get there he actually wants Tanya?"

Alice rolled her eyes, "Trust me, Bella, he doesn't. He wants you. So when we get there, after an amazing ride where you dazzle him beyond all belief, and when he realizes how horrible Tanya is for him, you can be there for him. You can support him and make him realize how right you two are together. That's all it takes, Bells."

"But how? I'm not amazing, or special. I'm just me. I can't do that."

Alice jumped up from the grass, "You are so frustrating! Oh my GOD! Don't you see?!"

I looked up at her, and cringed, "What?"

She raised her eyebrow at me, crossing her arms. She glared at me. It amazed me how vicious Alice could look if she really wanted to. "Stop being an idiot. Now come with me so I can tell you what to wear, I want you to look gorgeous. When we get there, you'll see exactly how easy it'll be to win Edward over. You two belong with each other. That's the way it is."

I frowned, "Alice, I swear to God, you are insane."

"Is that your way of saying, 'You're a genius, Alice. Let's go do what you want 'cause you're always right.' I mean, I know I am, but you sure have a weird way of saying it. C'mon, let's go." She pulled my to my feet and I followed her to the house. She went in search of a suitcase and pulled out some clothes.

I groaned. But inwardly, I was willing to do most anything at this point. In less than a day, we'd be in Denali.

"Okay, pull this on quickly, and give me what you're wearing right now. It'll look fabulous, I promise."

I stared at what she'd picked out for me. A low cut deep blue top, rather tight-looking white jeans. And a silver necklace. I had to admit, the combination looked pretty. She followed me to my old room, and I quickly changed. Alice steered me towards the mirror that we'd left there.

I couldn't deny I was impressed; the jeans fit perfectly, the top wasn't too all revealing, and it looked nice.

I grinned, "I never thought I'd say this, but Alice, you're a genius."

She smiled, "I know. Now come on, we have to get going."

I bit my lip, "Do you think I'll make it to Denali?"

"You'll be fine, Bella. I've seen it."

I smiled and took a deep breath, "Okay. Let's go."

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**Review, please : )**

**Cheers, **

-**Mint.**


	20. Chapter 20

**Hello lovely readers of mine! **

**I sincerely apologize for the long wait; I've had some major writers block. For the past few days it's been 50 words at a time, and today I got fed up with it and just decided to bite through it.**

**I might be able to update What's Under the Floorboard today, as well.**

**Anyways, thanks to everyone, and a reminder that updates will take longer nowadays because exams are up in 2.5 weeks.**

**Music: Black Rebel Motorcycle Club.**

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**Edward Cullen, November 3nd, 2007. 6:09 PM.  
**

When Bella emerged from the house, ready for the long journey to Denali, I sucked my breath in and held it for quite long. The fact that I didn't need to breath did not make this gesture less pronounced. She looked amazing.

How was it again that we'd be completely alone in my car together? _Alice convinced you, you idiot._ Ah. Right.

She smiled at me as I held open the car door for her, and she stepped in gracefully. I couldn't speak properly just yet, so I simply smiled back.

Still silent, I put in another mix CD I'd recently made specifically for this car ride- gentle old jazz and dangly show tunes. She grinned when Django Reinhardt floated out of my stereo.

"He was such a genius." She commented quietly.

"Yes, he was. I remember when I first heard him."

She giggled, "It must've been quite a bit before I first heard him. Are you excited about moving?"

I rolled my eyes, "Please. We do this every few years."

I could've said, perhaps, "_Save me from Tanya! I don't want to go!_," or, _"Moving would be pointless unless you came with us," _but I held my tongue and stuck to the more trouble-free versions of conversation. We'd be in the car together for hours, after all; comfort was key.

I looked over at her as I took off down our driveway, and say worry in her eyes. She bit her lip. "I'm scared."

"Bella, why would you be scared? What's the matter?" I wanted to reach over, brush her hair out of her faces to stare into her glorious eyes. I didn't.

"It's nothing, I guess. I just don't know what's going to happen next. I'm completely uprooted from everything I used to know." She stared out the window, at the passing green and brown and blue. And I stared at her.

"It'll be okay, you know. I'll make it my duty to make sure it'll be okay."

She laughed, "That's alright, Edward. You don't need to waste your time on me."

"I wouldn't be wasting time at all," I whispered.

She slowly brought her eyes to me, and held them for a second that seemed like all eternity. Then, abruptly, her eyes switched to the road, "Do you have any idea how fast you're driving?!"

I smirked, "Bella, don't worry. It'll be fine."

She rolled her eyes at me, "You're crazy."

My grin widened. "Perhaps."

It went on like that for a few hours, and we were well on our way to Denali. So far, few cars had come by us, and Bella'd automatically gone rigid, but it was nothing she couldn't control. And then I'd beamed, amazed at how well she'd been doing.

Never before in my life had I laughed so much, either. I grinned and chuckled and poked fun of this beautiful angel sitting next to me as she told me of her life, of her band, of everything. It was her way of letting go of it all; they were now nothing more than good memories. It made me sad, but at the very same time it lifted my heart slightly. I wanted nothing more than for her to feel completely comfortable with us.

It was easy for hours. Easy, until quietly and awkwardly, she turned to me, and she asked the one question I wished I'd never have to hear from her. Her eyes were dimmed as she looked at me sadly.

"Do you really love Tanya?"

I fell silent. What would I say? Would I tell her the truth, the very truth? Why was I even convinced I had to be with Tanya, anyways; it was so obvious how much Bella belonged to me! _That's exactly why, you idiot. You don't deserve happiness._

I frowned. I loved Bella. I'd fully realized this, already. I would be miserable enough without her, regardless of whether or not I was with Tanya. Of course I couldn't stand Tanya; how could I truly think I'd survive even a minute of pretending to love her? But still, I felt compelled that this was what I must do.

I took a deep breath, and turned to Bella.

"No. I don't."

Her eyes were pained, "Then why are you doing this?"

I stared downwards, as I whispered, "I don't deserve anything other than to be with Tanya. Besides, it will make her happy. I've taken away too much happiness for too many people."

Yes, that was good. That was a tangible reason for being with Tanya.

"Edward, that's ridiculous! And _you_ won't be happy!"

"So? Like I said, I don't deserve it." I laughed dryly, humourlessly.

"I just don't understand, you're such a good person, how can you not—"

"Bella, I'm not good. You must believe this. There is so much you don't know, you don't understand. You know nothing about what I've done."

I regretted the words when they flew from my mouth. They lingered in the air like the acrid smell of burnt coffee. I could see the hurt on her face, the taught pain.

I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose, "I'm sorry, Bella. I'm sorry for all of this. In another world, in another reality, perhaps I deserve happiness. But not in this one. There's nothing you can say to convince me otherwise."

"I don't care, Edward. I don't care if you think so. _I_think you deserve more, and I'm going to prove it to you, somehow."

Again, I laughed without humor, "It's too late, Bella. I'm already damned." It sounded bleak. It was bleak. My future was also bleak. All of it. I might've felt happiness that my angel wanted to save me, too, but I only felt guilt for possibly having wasted any of her efforts.

"It's not true, Edward. It's not true. You'll see."

She sat rigidly, with her arms crossed across her chest.

I had to laugh; it looked so comical, the way she sat.

She looked at me furiously, her mouth twitching, "It's not funny, Edward!"

I grinned even wider when she attempted anger.

Finally, she rolled her eyes and let a giggle escape from her lips, "You suck. But seriously, one day, you'll find out I was right and you were wrong."

I smirked, "Somehow I doubt it."

She held her head high, "You'll see. I'm always right."

I said nothing, but let out a sigh. I hoped, I dreamed, I wished that she was right and I was wrong. I wanted nothing more than to spend my eternity with Bella; but that was exactly the problem. I couldn't _want_, or allow myself to give in to what I wanted.

Inwardly, I groaned. I sounded so ridiculous. I sounded like an angsty self-loathing teenager. In many respects, I was. Sometimes my selfish side would overtake me, and I'd turn to Bella in the hopes of being able to tell her I loved her, I wanted her, I needed her, and that I would kiss her.

But when I'd look at her pureness and innocence I'd chastise myself for willing to take it away from her. I'd ruin her.

"You think too much, Edward." Bella raised an eyebrow at me.

Childishly, I stuck my tongue out to her; no reason for her to know what I was thinking. She giggled and proceeded to switch on the radio; we'd listened to every CD in my car. Some strange hip-hop atrocity resonated throughout the car.

What I wasn't expecting, though, was Bella's reaction to said strange hip-hop atrocity. She rapped along at the top of her lungs, making silly faces and odd hand gestures. I couldn't help but laugh, and soon she'd persuaded me to join in.

Eventually we were both "G-ed" up, and my car was sporting "phat rimz," along with Bella's matching "bling."

"I'm a gangsta, I'm a straight-up G! Da gangsta life is da life for me!" Bella yelled out at the top of her lungs as I near doubled over laughing.

Even my impeccable driving suffered; after another round of "I'm a gangsta," I almost lost control of the steering wheel and careened into the nearby forest. I swerved back on the road just in time.

I looked at Bella, careful to measure her reaction. I wasn't expecting it when she burst out laughing and continued with her gangsta-rap at the loudest possible caliber. I sat there, shocked, as she next attempted the "Souljahboy dance" in the car seat. Insane. Absolutely insane.

After half an hour of this, I couldn't take it anymore. I grabbed the nearest CD I could find, shoved it in my stereo, and pressed play.

"Oi!" Bella yelled, "Edward! I was listening to that!"

I rolled my eyes, "Bella, please. One more minute of 'I pop a cap in yo ass,' and I would've gladly totaled the car."

"Psh. You wouldn't dare." Bella glared at me.

I raised an eyebrow, "Try me."

She stared at me levelly, "Alright. Go ahead. See if I care."

I chuckled, "Very smart, Bella, but I'm not about to total my car to prove something to you. Besides, we're almost there."

At this, she stiffened, "We are? Are we in Alaska?"

"We passed into Alaska hours ago, Bella."

It was then that, when I looked at her, I noticed how black her eyes had become.

"Bella, do you want to stop and hunt for a while?"

She brought her hand to her throat and cleared it, "Yeah, I think that'd be a good idea." She sounded slightly worried. I pulled the car over to the side of the road, and my family followed suit. We both stepped out of the car.

Alice got out of her and Jasper's car first, grinning at us. I couldn't hear her thoughts; Bella's power was in full effect.

"Hey Bella," Alice grinned, "How's da thug life?"

Jasper came up behind her, "Pretty ghetto gospel, Bells!"

Bella scrunched up her nose, "You guys suck, have I ever told you that."

Their grins widened, and so did mine, "Busted," I muttered.

"Oi! Don't you go making fun of her! I saw you and your rimz, white chocolate!" Alice laughed at me. My grin disappeared.

"I swear to God, Alice…"

Carlisle, Esme, Rosalie, and Emmett stepped out then, "What's going on?" Carlisle asked.

"I thought we should perhaps hunt, Bella's getting quite thirsty," I explained.

Carlisle nodded, "Good idea. There are plentiful moose around here, the hunt should be good. No longer than a few hours, though. They're expecting us."

We all agreed, and then parked the cars in a clearing we soon found in the forest. And then, off we went to hunt.

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**Yeah, I just had to make Bella go all gangsta for a while. I couldn't come up with much else, I'm sorry. I'm just so stoked lately.  
**

**Anyways, review!!**

**Cheerio,**

**-Mint.**


	21. Chapter 21: Author's Note

**Hello darlings of mine!**

**I'm afraid I have some uncool news. I know most of you have noticed the waning in my update-rapidity these past two or three weeks, and I have given you all warning that my exams are to arrive in due dispatch.**

**(In due dispatch in a week.)**

**Therefore, dears, you shall hear only silence from this author until said exams are dealt with, attended to, and hopefully, not failed miserably.**

**But afterwards I shall update, and quite regularly!  
Thank you so much for sticking around, I promise I'll be up and running when I'm through with my studying.**

**Peace and love,**

**-Mint.**


	22. Chapter 22

**I'm baaaack! Sorry, my lovely little darlings, for leaving you astray for such along time.**

**It's really been a while, I know, and I apologize. I've had alot on my plate, but I passed my exams, I'm almost rid of my jetlag, and I have here the next chapter!**

**Dedicated to... everyone! YAY!**

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**Bella Swan, November 3d, 2007. 8:42 PM.**

Hunting was a relief. I hadn't realized my immense thirst; Edward had sufficed in distracting me for long enough. But when I, at long last, sunk my razor-sharp teeth into a stray moose, I let out a sigh of satisfaction. I wasn't quite sure how long I would still last if we hadn't stopped.

Rosalie grinned at me after rising up from a crouched position; she was just finishing up a deer, not too far from here. The others were scattered, off on the prowl.

Given the chance to think, on my own and without Edward's beauty distracting me, I realized what I was about to face. The moment was nearing in where I'd have to prove to Edward that we were meant for one another, and I would have to prove to Tanya that I had the upper hand.

Truth was, though, that I didn't have the upper hand. Tanya had at least two major advantages. First of all, Edward was already convinced he had to love her. I hadn't gotten quite so far yet. Second of all, from everything I'd heard… she was absolutely gorgeous. Vampire or no, I was still plain old Bella.

So far, it wasn't looking so good. I grimaced as I wandered around slowly, taking my time in picking up another trail.

_I miss normal food, _I chuckled to myself as I speeded up into a run through the trees.

As I neared in on my next prey, a slow-moving deer, I wondered idly where Edward was. After finishing up on the deer, I made my way back to the car. Time to face my fears.

Edward stood there, chatting with Alice and Emmett. I presumed the others were still hunting. His eyes were a deep, deep gold, and I held my breath; it had to be illegal to look as good as he did.

He smiled at me as I stepped into the clearing by the road, brushing leaves, twigs, and various other forest debris out of my hair with my fingers.

"Good hunt, Bella?" Edward asked.

I grinned, "Of course."

"Any good game? I got me a couple bears." Emmett flexed his muscles, and I laughed.

"Nice going, Emmett."

"B-dawg, you just don't like me because my rimz are bigger than yours!" Emmett smirked over his shoulder at me.

I attempted my best homicidal stare at him; it didn't seem to work, because he chuckled, and so did Alice.

Edward, bless him, only did his very best to contain his laugh, though his eyes gave him away.

I rolled my eyes and sighed, wishing I had some dirt on Emmett I could use. So far, I'd had no luck procuring any such thing.

"Whatever, Emmett." His grin broadened, and then I heard some rustling from behind me, in the forest.

I turned around and saw Rosalie's magnificent form ease out of the trees, brushing leaves out of her hair.

This is when I heard a smack as Alice quickly brought her hand to cover her eyes, "Don't you guys even think about it!"

At the same time, Edward groaned, "Emmett could you _be_ any more disgusting?! Stop it! Carlisle will kill you if we don't get there on time, you two can do that when you get there!"

Emmett and Rosalie grinned, eyes locked on one another, as she ambled over towards him.

This was when Carlisle and Esme strolled out of the woods, hand in hand, grinning.

"Down, boy." Carlisle smirked at Emmett as his face fell at the sight of them; no one dared do anything along the lines of what Emmett had in mind in front of 'mom' and 'dad.'

The rest of us hid our giggles behind our hands as Emmett and Rosalie stalked off to their cars.

"Don't even think about it!" Alice yelled again. She grabbed Jasper's hand as he emerged from the forest and they walked off to their car together.

Edward chuckled as he moved around to the passenger door, holding it open for me. I attempted my best smile at him as I lowered into the seat.

"Thank you, Edward."

He grinned before shutting the door, and dashing to his door. He was in the car before I could blink.

"Maestro, what music shall we listen to?" He grinned as he pulled out one of his many CD cases and handed it to me.

I flipped through the CD's until I found something somewhat to my taste and mood, which turned out to be The Doors: no more gangsta-Bella for today.

Attempting to relax, I sat back in my seat as Jim Morrison sang of many things. But even Jim couldn't pacify me; we were almost there. If I wanted to keep Edward from Tanya entirely, I'd have to tell him right here and right now what I felt and what I wanted.

It was selfish, I knew, but it was my last chance, so to speak, before I would really have to start fighting for him. I wasn't quite sure what I'd have to do to win his attention, with Tanya competing for it as well.

"You look so serious, Bella. What's up?" Edward stared at me intently, the depths of his golden eyes warm and liquid as they searched mine.

I bet my lip and laughed, "It's nothing, I'm just a bit worried about Denali."

What he did next was unexpected. Slowly, deliberately, he lifted his hand to my face, stroking my cheek. His eyes smoldered. I held in my breath as our gazes locked and, in shock, we both stayed silent at this unexpected gesture.

Slowly, space and time suspended into a meaningless vacuum, and it was as if the entire world stood still. The entire world, except us. His hand rested on my cheek and, hesitantly, I reached towards him.

"I'll protect you forever, from anything you might ever be afraid of. I promise." He whispered it gently, and the promise floated into my heart. And then I looked at the dashboard and realized he was still driving.

"Edward," I squeaked, "you might wanna look straight ahead so we don't die!"

He chuckled as he casually dropped his hand, but I saw some regret in his eyes, some sadness, and I felt it too. I'd officially ruined the moment. I sighed.

"Silly Bella. We'd end up doing more damage to the road and the car than they would do to us, you know that, right?"

I rolled my eyes, "Well forgive me for having been human no more than two months ago!"

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**I'm sorry it's so short, but I've got the next chapter cooking up as I write.**

**Review review review,**

**Cheerio,**

**-Mint.**


	23. Chapter 23: Author's Note

**Ladies, (and the occasional gents...)**

I'm afraid I have some bad news.

**I'm not sure at which measure the Twilight community is reacting to the latest update in the series, that being Breaking Dawn, though I'm aware that the general consensus is... everyone thinks Bella (and Stephenie Meyer)'s retarded.**

**And on that subject I only have one thing to say: I'd rather have nothing to do anymore with this level of fluff.**

**As you can tell, I was severely (and I do mean SEVERELY) disappointed with the new installment, and am beginning to regret I read the books at all simply because... well, it was appalling, this so called ending. If I wanted to read another "Bella gets preggers and everyone fucks up but in the end it's alright because the kid has a ridiculous name" story, I would've clicked a couple times and ended up online, reading that one fanfic that makes FUN of all the implausible fanfics that course through this site.**

**And I DEFINITELY wouldn't have paid for it. And most certainly not in a BOOK store (notice how i emphasized that usually, in book stores, they sell BOOKS).**

**Hence, I'm writing to announce, that although it's been a wonderful ride, and I've appreciated the beautiful reviews and the level of devotion some of you guys have committed to my writing... I'm quitting **

**Not just because I'm about to burn BD, though.**

**  
Also because, (and if you've been with me for long you'll know I barely update anymore) I've lately taken to going out instead of sitting in and writing, and also because in late August I start my International Baccalaureate, a rigid college-level course thingy that's gonna screw me up if I don't invest eons of time into studying and making it through school.**

**I'm sorry it had to come this far, darlings of mine, but unless Stephenie announces that the entire book was a joke, OR I'm convinced to stay here, there won't be any further updates from me.**

**One last cheerio, then.**

**-Mint.**


	24. Chapter 24: Authors Note! I'M BACK!

Hello darlings!!!!!!!!

I'm BACK!

I realized, after a very very very VERY long time, that it's not fair of me to do this.

Yeah, I was disappointed in Stephenie Meyer, and yeah, it sucked… But I am now invested in keeping the spirit of the old Twilight days alive, and therefore denying the existence of the fourth installation in the series. I'm keeping it alive, baby!

Also because after all this time, the occasional person is still favoriting my story. Now that there is support.

The latest chapter will be up this weekend! I promise thou!

Please please please all of you, forgive me. I strayed away from my darlings but not anymore!

Sunflowers for everyone!

Cheerio,

Mint.


	25. Chapter 25: Actually Chapter 23

**Waddup, dudes?**

**As promised, here it is. Only about a half year delay, eh. It was difficult to write; it's been so dreadfully long. But there you have it.**

**Thanks to everyone who welcomed my return and forgave me. Here. Have a sunflower.**

**Music: Burning Spear, Peter Tosh, Shabba Ranks, Vibronics+Madu Messenger, Alpha Blondie, Max Romeo,… reggae. Lots of reggae.**

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**Edward Cullen, November 3d, 2007. 9:39 PM.**

The car had remained quiet for almost an hour now, ever since that one moment that seems to last forever. Unfortunately, it didn't, and now the Doors album was also coming to an end; silence stretched throughout the car.

_Come on Edward, for god's sake say something. _I brought my hand to the bridge of my nose and let out a bit of a frustrated sigh.

Bella was staring out the window, awfully quiet, and I made use of the opportunity to look at her properly. I'd have to say goodbye to this, I was fully aware of this. But no words could express how little I wanted to.

After another minute, I could stand it no longer; I broke the silence.

"Pick another CD." _Brilliant, Edward. Order her around now._

But she turned her head and smiled brightly, "Reggae?"

I chuckled, "whatever you want, Bells."

_Bells? Really? Is that a new nickname right there, Edward?_

I groaned and wished I could smack my self over the head without looking like a complete imbecile.

Bella looked up from the CDs, frowning; "Edward, what's wrong?"

"Oh, nothing, nothing. We're almost there."

Her face fell, and I cursed myself for letting that happen… But at the same time, I felt the most odd twang of… rejoice somewhere inside me. She didn't want to go to Denali. Of course not, why would she? So far away from everything she'd once known.

I tried my very hardest to convince myself that it wasn't because she wanted to stay in the car with me forever, just us two. But every time I came so close to breaking down and professing to her my love, my devotion, my adoration, she'd make a comment about my driving and we'd look back at the road, ill at ease.

What did this mean? 105 years old and women were still indecipherable to me.

Thankfully, she'd chosen a CD by now, and at least the silence was broken somewhat by the relaxed music.

"It's so beautiful here," Bella commented as the landscape flew by outside the window. It was cold in Alaska, and snow was on its way.

I grinned, "You might be subject to Emmett's snowball fights, I'm afraid."

Snow and Emmett was somewhat of a match made in heaven, according to him. Horrid images of car-sized snowballs flashed by my eyes; I chuckled to myself. It was going to be an interesting winter.

I saw then that the meter on that car indicated we were running out of fuel; I'd have to pull over soon. I whipped out my cell phone and gave Alice a call.

"Stop now, Edward. We'll get her." Alice already knew, of course.

I pulled over and Bella looked at me questioningly; "What's up?"

"Getting fuel." I muttered as I stopped the car and took one last look at her; I didn't want her to go just yet, no matter how short the time might be.

Her beautiful eyes, still tinged in the slightest bit with red but breathtaking nonetheless, searched mine. It seemed like some sort of permanent goodbye, as if after this is would no longer be the two of us doing whatever it was that we were doing.

But Alice rapped on the window then, and we both snapped out of our reverie.

Bella smiled, "I'll see you in a bit, Edward." She seemed a bit sad as she stepped out of the car. I rolled the window down to talk to Alice, whose little pixie face looked endlessly frustrated. I rolled my eyes.

"What, Alice?"

_Man it up, Edward. You know what you want to do. Do it._

I ignored her, and rolled the window back up.

_Please, though. Think about it._

Alice turned swiftly on her heel, and stepped back into the car. Bella was already seated there, staring at me through the windshield. She waved and gave me a beautiful but poignant little smile as we took off again.

I sighed, for the thousandth time that evening. It was going to be a looong night, no matter how close we were to Denali.

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**Bella Swan, November 3d, 2007. 9:41 PM.**

"I just don't know, Alice. I don't know what he wants, it's so confusing. But I want him, you know? I just want to tell him right here and right now that I love him. And then this can all be over. I want it to be over."

Alice looked aggravated, "You guys are so silly. Just tell him. I've thrown all tact out the window. Do it. Seriously."

"Honey, is that really such a good idea?" Jasper whispered over to Alice.

"What? Of course it is! In fact I no longer think it's simply a good idea; I think it's brilliant! Do it, Bella! He loves you too; it'll be the perfect moment. You'll save him from Tanya."

I stared down at my hands. I'd left my heart in Edward's car and intended on going back to retrieve it soon, but the idea of telling Edward I loved him made me feel like I was going to throw up, even though I was incapable of doing so.

And then, something happened. Something inexplicable and without any method; for a moment it seemed as if gravity didn't apply. A surge of energy rushed through me, and I decided in the spur of the moment that I'd just go through with it: I'd tell Edward I loved him. It didn't matter anymore. Technically, I was dead. I wasn't even supposed to be alive right now. I was supposed to be under the ground. But here I sat, a vampire, going to Alaska of all places to hang out with _more_ vampires, and after all this I still didn't have the balls to go through with something that would simply make everything that much more amazing?

I wasn't having that.

"I'm telling Edward. Right now. Right here. It's on."

Alice and Jasper both turned around in their seats, staring at me in shock. Jasper must've felt the surge of energy erupting from me.

"…Are you okay, Bella?" Alice looked worried as she brought a hand to my forehead, as if to check my temperature. She giggled and we both burst out laughing.

After all this time and all this incessant worrying, there was no reason for this sort of epiphany to happen now. There was nothing that spurred this from happening. But all of a sudden, I felt lighter. As if I finally understood all the probability and chance that the future consisted of. In the end, I'd have to tell him or watch him, against his own will, court Tanya. And for once I was choosing for me. I wanted him. I loved him. I needed him. And I knew he felt exactly the same way.

"Go Bellaaa!" Alice squealed and cheered me on as Jasper shook is head in disbelief, "You are unbelievable, Bella."

I grinned at him and flipped my hair back. Never before had I felt so confident. I saw Edward's car pull over and Jasper did the same. Alice grinned at me and tweaked my hair a little bit.

"You look gorgeous. Now go make us proud!" Alice rushed me out of the car and gave me a tremendous hug before jumping back into her car, locking the door, and speeding off, leaving me standing there.

I didn't feel so confident all of a sudden.

_Well, here goes nothing._ I walked towards Edward's car, looking at his reflection in the dashboard mirror. I was nervous, but there was nothing to this. I convinced myself there wasn't. I could do this. I could do this. His eyes were a deep and luscious gold as I stepped into his car and gave him my best smile.

"Bella," Edward breathed my name and if my heart were still beating I knew it would be jumping out of my chest.

He shifted the gear and off we went, never taking our eyes off each other, both smoldering. The air was thick with some type of tension, and I didn't mind.

All troubles had long since melted away; I knew he wouldn't crash the car, I knew that if he did we'd walk away perfectly unscathed. I had complete trust in him, in the situation. I just needed to tell him. But I didn't know how. That was the only problem.

"You're so beautiful." Edward whispered, staring at me.

I smiled and looked down, "So are you."

At that, he frowned. "I don't think so."

I growled quietly, frustrated that someone so pure and perfect could be so unhappy with themselves. But I could change that.

"Edward, look at me. You really are. I think you are."

He looked up at me, a strange and determined look in his eyes, "Well. I guess that's all that counts. For me, anyways."

For a long time, silence passed between us, unveiled by music or embarrassment or discomfort.

"Edward… I need to tell you something." I spoke carefully, choosing my words one by one.

His eyebrows creased, "What's the matter?"

I giggled; "Nothing's wrong, Edward. Not right now."

He looked confused. "Tell me."

I took a deep breath and the voice in my head cheered me on. _You can do this. You can do this. You can do this. Do it. Now._

"Well," I looked up with a massive smile on face, borderline hysterical in the sheer guts of the moment, "here goes nothing. Edward Cullen, I love you. I have always loved you, ever since I forgave you for turning me into what I am now. And I don't think I could ever bear seeing you with Tanya when it's obvious that you need to be with me."

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**Like, woah.**

**I hope it was alright, it's been so longgg since I've written.**

**But yah, I know it's a cliffhanger and I'm cruel but remember, I'm an optimist. **

**Reviewreview. Review.**

**Cheerio,**

**Mint.**


	26. Chapter 26: Actually chapter 24

**It's short, but I have a lot of work. I'm knackered.  
**

**Here you go ****:)**

**Music: eeeehm. Reckoner by Radiohead.**

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**Alice Cullen, November 3d, 2007. 9:59 PM.**

My hand grasped at Jasper's as we both grinned.

"We're such filthy cheaters, aren't we?" I giggled.

"Yep, pretty much. But it worked. That's all that counts." Jasper looked over at me with adoring eyes. We'd agreed that all they both needed was a little nudge. A little… surge, if you will, of confidence. This is where Jasper's talent came in handy.

I clapped my hands in excitement and squealed. "Any minute now! Oh, I'm so excited! Watch out though, he's going to pull over."

Jasper chuckled, "As long as he doesn't crash the car."

I smiled, "He won't."

And sure enough, the silver Volvo slowed to a crawl at the side of the road; snow had started to fall earlier, and the forests on either side of the road were now dusted in white.

I grinned happily to myself as I stared out the window, images flashing through my head that made me smile. _Perfect. So perfect._

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**Edward Cullen, November 3d, 2007. 10:08 PM.**

I stopped breathing, stopped hearing, and very briefly, I stopped functioning. My breath caught in my throat and I didn't dare look at her. My love. Of course I loved her. But what about everything else

What about me taking her life?

What about every thing she left behind because of me?

Didn't she care?

At that point I realized that it wasn't a matter of whether or not she cared anymore. It was whether or not _I_ cared anymore. She had obviously transcended that train of thought. And it was then that I grasped that I just didn't give a damn anymore.

I pulled the car over. I didn't want to crash it in my current state, so I was careful. Jasper and Alice sped up and disappeared into the distance. As they passed, I realized that it was now or never. For some odd reason, I felt a gush of emotion race through my veins and lace my heart with assurance. This was it.

It took me all of the strength I possessed to look up and look at her. Her eyes captured mine, and for a long moment we both said nothing. She looked so calm, so serene. So convinced. She was even still smiling, despite my silence and my stoic reaction. If she was this certain, then I would be too. I'd give her anything she wanted. I'd let her have anything. I'd make it my goal to make her happy. Whatever she wanted.

"Are you sure?" I whispered, so lightly that I could barely hear myself speak. Just one last check before I would allow myself to do what I'd been aching to do since she'd brought out her guitar and played the notes that would determine my fate forever.

She nodded briefly, "This is the only thing I know I've ever been certain of." Behind her beautiful face, outside the window of the car, white flecks showered over the countryside.

I raised my hand to her cheek, and stroked it with my thumb. So soft, so smooth.

In one swift motion, I stepped out of the car and opened her door for her, before she knew what I was doing.

"Come with me."

She stepped out, absolutely sure of herself, though she probably had no idea what was going on. I could tell from her face that it didn't matter where we were going.

It occurred to me now that since she'd gotten back into the car from Alice and Jasper, we'd transcended normal lines of communication. Half of what was said was unnecessary; we both know everything that would happen; as if Alice's gift had been bestowed upon us for a brief moment in time. And all this purely for the objective of love.

I could barely contain my excitement as I gently scooped her into my arms. My eyes remained forever locked on hers as I stepped towards the forest. We were almost at the house, and I knew this forest reasonably well. I knew the hiding spots, the meadows, the open areas near ponds and streams and creeks… I knew where to take her.

If I had a heart it would be attempting to jump out of my chest right now, for it would be beating so wildly at the thought of finally loving Bella. Freely, openly… And most importantly, for as long as we both existed.

It was the beginning of a new way of life; me and her, forever. And I'd make it my absolute duty to take care of her every need. This was it. No regrets, no excuses.

Carefully, gently, I set her down on the ground when we reached our destination. For the first time, her gaze broke from mine as she looked at our surroundings and gasped.

This was my replacement for the meadow I'd once frequented in Forks. The snow made the place look even more of a fairytale. We stood in a small grassy opening, with a stream trickling through it, making a gentle tinkling resonance against the other sounds of the forest. The trees were dusted with white, as was the grass. The highway couldn't be heard from here, which was the most amazing thing about this place. Bushes scattered the area, bushes with flowers of some sort that somehow withstood the winter. They were bright red, and the white of the snow set off their colours amazingly.

"It's beautiful." Bella whispered as she look around in wonder.

Gently, I lifted my hand to her chin and brought her eyes to mine.

"I love you." I gently said.

She grinned, "I know."

I chuckled and shook my head, "You're amazing."

She rolled her eyes, and then silenced me with a kiss. But then, to call it a kiss would be an understatement. It was as if the entire earth shattered at its core and any law of gravity or of orbit or of physics was torn apart in an instant.

Timidly, softly, her tongue sought mine, and for what felt like eternity we stood there, in each other's arms. I knew that this is where I wanted to be for as long as she would let me. I wanted to be with her.

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**I didn't feel right, writing this one.**

**Oh well.**

**Tell me what you think, darlings, and thank you for welcoming me back so gracefully!**

**Cheerio.**


	27. Chapter 27: Actually Chapter 25 :D

**Hello darlings!**

**Here I have a longer one, because I felt guilty of the shortness and non-goodness of the previous chapter, especially since it was such an important one.**

**  
I had kind of a struggle with the plotline, but I've hatched a plan.**

**Music: Send Me on My Way, by Rusted Root!**

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**Bella Cullen, November 3d, 2007. 10:46 PM.**

Even without my heart in any beating condition, I could feel my chest soar with a strange and beautiful feeling as I stood in his arms. Finally.

It felt so… _right. _Like all my life, this is what I'd been waiting for. Nothing else could amount to what I was feeling right now, here, entwined in an embrace with the only person I could ever love.

After what felt like eternity, or maybe twice eternity, I pulled away from him slowly to look into his breath-taking golden eyes, full of adoration. I giggled and he chuckled and he rested his forehead against mine, our eyes still constantly in connection.

"I love you." He whispered again, grinning contentedly as he brought his hands to my face. "You have no idea how long I have waited to be able to say that."

I grinned back, "Me too. I've been waiting to say it for so long."

"Things will be different from now on, I promise. You've changed me, Bella. For good."

If I could, I would've blushed at his words.

However, we could only stand there for so long enjoying each other before reality sunk in once more, and I realized that Tanya would probably be waiting for Edward when we arrived at our destination.

_Please, Alice and Jasper, work your magic…_ I prayed silently to myself.

Edward must've noticed the swing in the atmosphere, because his brow faintly creased as his arms enveloped me once more, "What's wrong, my love?"

I grinned a little at the pet name he'd assigned me, but then frowned as I breathed in his scent, struggling to find the words to tell him what'd been worrying me this entire time.

"Tanya," I whispered. One word, apparently, was all it really took.

Slowly, carefully, Edward lifted my face to his, kissed my lips briefly, and then murmured gently into my hair as he held me again, "She'll understand. This was fate, Bella. Even Tanya can't intervene with fate."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure, love. Now, no matter how much I'd love to do nothing less than stay here with you forever, they are expecting us."

Reluctantly, I stepped away from him and smiled at his beautiful face, brushing flakes of snow from his bronze hair. He held out his hand and I took it, and together we meandered back to the car.

Gallantly, he held the car door open for me as I stepped in, and once more began flipping through CD's. I had something in mind.

As Edward started the car, Clair de Lune tinkled through the air, and his face was radiant. I couldn't stop staring. How was it that I'd just professed my love to the most beautiful person on this planet, only to find it reciprocated? I sighed with satisfaction as, in comfortable silence, we moved closer and close to the Denali house.

I realized that, with Edward by my side, I had no reason to be worried.

And so, a calm stillness stretched out before us as the house neared. We were almost there, I could tell by the look on Edward's face. So passive… almost as if it were a mask. A stunning mask, at that. I wasn't vicious enough in my disposition to tell Tanya that Edward was mine; it seemed too awful a thing to do. I couldn't blame the woman for wanting love, and certainly not from the god that sat next to me in the car.

But I'd let her know, somehow, that Edward and I were now a package deal. It wasn't going to be one without the other. Always together. I smiled, comforted at the thought of having a companion for the rest of this existence. I glanced at him, and his eyes caught mine, my expression mirrored on his face.

"Forever," he murmured, brushing a strand of hair from my forehead.

Edward's pressure on the gas pedal slowed as we rolled through a quaint little town; the last thing we wanted was attention. Edward avoided the center of town and traveled through the outskirts, his main intention being not to encounter too many humans. It was still difficult, though.

Eventually, Edward slowed down and made a turn, driving us down a very inconspicuous road; I'd barely even noticed it. I swallowed, feeling somewhat nervous, as a grandiose house loomed ahead of us, amidst a clearing in the snowcapped forest.

The house in front of us was breathtaking, and I stared at its every detail as we approached it in the Volvo. It was marvelously giant, and reminded me somewhat of an updated colonial mansion in soft white hues. I chuckled; vampires and their obsession with pale. It must've been at least three stories, with large windows that allowed for plenty of light, though it was completely dark out. Its similarity to the Forks house made me feel more comfortable as Edward parked the car in the gravel driveway and quickly got out to open my door for me. Always a gentleman.

Spruce and fir trees surrounded the house, and in the background I could see mountains; as everything else, they were veiled in white and green. It was dark, but my new eyesight granted me the ability to see. Absolutely breath-taking. The dark night sky and the stars allowed for a beautiful backdrop to the area, and I breathed in the fresh air, truly appreciating it for the first time since we'd been in Alaska. I'd had other things on my mind before, but the unadulterated nature caught my attention now more than ever, and it was a welcome distraction.

I didn't have long, however, because Edward ushered me towards the grand front door, which opened as we approached it. A couple stood there, both with long black hair and olive complexions beneath the standard vampire pale. Carmen and Eleazar. They both held themselves with a sort of enticing elegance, reminding me of flamenco dancers, or something of that sort. Their faces were kind as they held each other and waited for us to approach.

"Eduardo! Welcome! And Bella! We've heard so much about you, dear!" Carmen stepped forward with her arms outstretched, pulling Edward into a big hug. Her accent and mannerisms had a faint touch of Hispanic to them, and I smiled. The international vampire, as it were. She kissed him on his left cheek, and then on his right, and then quickly shooed him towards Eleazar as she moved to me. I saw Edward rush to the car out of the corner of my eye and handle the luggage. I wish he'd let me help him.

"Ahhh. Beautiful, just like they've told me. Welcome to our home, Bella. You can call me Carmen." She embraced me softly, and kissed my cheeks as she'd done with Edward. I smiled and reciprocated, thanking her for her hospitality.

She hooked her arm with mine and brought me to her companion, Eleazar. His wise and kind eyes and his long hair reminded me of an astute philosopher as he, too, pulled me into an embrace. Edward was back at my side in an instant, and I presumed he'd dropped everything off in our rooms, and refused Eleazar's help while he was at it.

"Bella. Finally. You haven't any idea how long we've waited to meet you. And the tales do you no justice! Your beauty outshines them all."

I had a feeling that, if I were still human and living in this house, I'd spend a lot of time blushing.

"Thank you so much for being so kind." I managed to stutter the awkward sentence. I didn't quite know what to say to this intense kindness, but I tried my best. It'd take me a while to get comfortable with this.

Edward rolled his eyes and grinned, as Carmen and Eleazar led us further into the house.

"Now, everyone is waiting for us outside, of course. Bella, you will adore this view. It's simply magnificent." Carmen ushered us further and further through the majestic hallway, covered in astounding art and antiques, into a living room that seemed close to the size of a baseball field. The colours here were pale, too, but the lively art brightened the room, as did the crackling fire in the large fireplace, giving the room a faint and wonderful glow.

"Wow…" I whispered as I looked around. "You have such a beautiful home."

"Oh, this is all Irina's work. Make sure you tell her! She loves compliments, you know." Eleazar chuckled.

Edward took my hand in his and squeezed, and I felt that he was a bit nervous. Now that I realized it, so was I. Tanya was outside, with the others. I bit my lip.

I had no time to worry, however, because before I knew it we were led outside, through large glass sliding doors onto an enormous covered veranda, furnished to the nines with cozy couches and yet another fireplace.

But what amazed me was not the veranda itself; it was the view. For a good long while I stood there, with Edward's thumb softly rubbing circles in the palm of my hand as I stared at the glacier between the two mountains that ended not far from the house. Trees lined the rocks and the ice twinkled under the moonlight. Marvelous.

Carmen and Eleazar smiled and moved to sit where the rest of the family sat. I grinned at them, but was looking for someone else. I felt my eyes land on three beautiful women sitting next to one another on a large couch, unfamiliar to me.

Kate, Irina, and Tanya. The three sisters. I didn't know which was Kate and which Irina. One had long straight hair, in an almost platinum blonde colour. Her skin was lightly freckled and she looked very happy that we were all here, but her eyes were laced with worry. The other was a brunette, with very gentle round eyes, high cheekbones, and rather full lips. Then there was Tanya- I recognized her by her strawberry blonde hair. She was mesmerizing in her beauty, almost as striking as Rosalie. But her eyes, which looked slightly frustrated, lessened her immense beauty. Uh-oh.

I looked at my family and saw that they, too, looked a bit uncomfortable, despite being relieved to have arrived. I guess it all depended on Tanya's reaction now.

Carmen and Eleazar seemed oblivious as they introduced me to the three. Kate turned out to be the one with the platinum hair, and she was very pleasant and she kissed me as well and welcomed me to Denali in an accent with the faintest trace of Russian. Irina, the brunette, did something similar, and I smiled and thanked her for being so welcoming.

Then came Tanya. She stood up and I felt my knees tremble in the slightest.

To my complete surprised, she spread out her arms and embrace me, giving me a kiss on the cheek as her sisters had done. When she pulled away I saw from her face that she was determined to be civil. At least that was a relief.

"Welcome, Bella." Tanya smiled, though it did not quite reach her eyes, and then sat back down. I was confused.

As I joined Edward on a loveseat, I couldn't help but looking at her. She seemed… calm. I raised an eyebrow at Jasper, who looked concentrated. Ah. That must explain it.

This made me more anxious, though, for the time when he could no longer bear to constantly influence the atmosphere. I didn't know how Tanya would react without any leash on her emotions.

But for now I tried my hardest to enjoy what would be my new home and extended family for the next few months. Or however long we'd stay here.

I chatted with Kate, Irina, Carmen, and Eleazar for the rest of the evening. They were all really quite pleasant, and I tried my best to relate to Tanya as well. I also concentrated very hard on not touching Edward too much. It was hard, considering we'd only confessed our love for each other mere hours ago, and I was resisting every urge to kiss and touch him everywhere. But this I could not do, especially not in front of Tanya.

It turned out that both Eleazar and Kate had special talents, and we spent a while discussing theirs and ours. Eleazar told tales of his capacity to recognize other vampire's powers, and we discussed mine for a while. He had some interesting theories, but I was in no mood to test them just yet. Later, I told him. Then I talked to Kate, who kindly told me everything she knew about her abilities. It surprised me that someone so peaceful had such a potentially violent power; the ability to shock others with electric currents.

It also surprised me when Eleazar told tales of being the Volturi's talent-seeker. I'd heard of them before, the mystical vampire royalty that hid in the Italian city of Volterra. But Eleazar's demeanor was so pleasant that the thought of his having been one of them didn't bother me as much as I might've thought. He'd left, after all, hadn't he?

The rest of the evening was spent enjoying the view, talking about talents and about my change into vampirism. Again, I would've blushed if I could've, for my new family spent so much time gushing about how amazingly in control I was for a newborn vampire.

When we spoke of this, I could see Tanya glimpse at me with what looked like… envy, every now and then, and it confused me. How could someone so beautiful be envious of someone like me?

It frustrated me to the point that I even felt sorry for her; certainly she, too, deserved the kind of happiness that I'd found? In a way, I even felt guilty for taking it from her. But then, if everyone deserved happiness, I wondered if Edward would be happy with her too. I realized then that they were simply too different. I didn't know her well, but from what I saw, Edward and her were fundamentally different creatures.

Surely there must be someone out there, I wondered to myself absentmindedly. And suddenly, it occurred to me that I should find Tanya her love. It was very Alice of me, to play matchmaker so vehemently, but I felt it was the least I could do to apologize for snatching Edward out from underneath her.

And so, a plan hatched in my head. Alice would have to know, of course. Hmmmm. I grinned to myself. This could get interesting.

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